We had the childcare meet & greet today, and it was interesting. I mean, I like everything that they are saying, and I LOVE that they are so close, and that they are NAEYC accredited and all of that. They are clearly doing everything right. But, of course, that comes at a price, and they will be the most expensive in the area — $165 a week. holy motherfucking shit. I mean, the average is 130 around here, and the previous most expensive was at the Tent Revival church (150 a week) but, hot damn, that’s a lot. It goes down at 11 months, to $150 a week, and for whatever reason, that seems more reasonable than 165. I don’t know why. It’s just 60 bucks a month, but that’s like, our phone bill.

When we left, Dave was like "How is it better to have you working?" Which is sort of bittersweet…. ideally, I’d like to keep staying home til Ingrid’s a year. It would mean not having to fuck with pumping all day long, it would mean continuing to go to storytime and such, and it would just feel right. But, we also, you know, need some cash. We’re still living off of savings, on my end, and my night job will be picking up really soon beyond the one 4-6 hour shift a week I’m getting now. I’ve also applied for permanent part-time (I’m seasonal right now) and there’s grapevine murmurings that that’s a Good Thing, so I’m feeling confident I’ll at least have that job lined up. And I’m okay with working nights for longer, I really am, if it means more income than outgo, on top of being here for most of Ingrid’s waking hours. It might be kind of tough, as it goes on, but… we do what we have to, right?

The plan is now to ask to be kept on the waitlist, and to wait until Ingrid’s a year before looking for daytime childcare. And in almost all ways, that’s ideal for me. Except… I feel a little lost at what to do AFTER. I mean, I value education intrinsically, but I also feel like I need to make my graduate degree work for us, beyond just being a cool accomplishment. I don’t want to classroom teach, but I’m not sure I could afford childcare if I did anything less. Moving is not an option for us, so where will I end up, here?

It feels weird to be working a fairly menial job, with a master’s degree in sight. But teaching, man, that makes me sweat a little bit, too. It feels very either-or, right now. I wish that we had the finances to have it not be a question. I’m envious of the people at storytime who have the shiny cars and perfectly dressed kids, and who are obviously so TOGETHER and so PERFECT MOM, whereas I’m just feeling my way through everything, trying to finish my degree, trying to think about what kind of job I will have, and trying to even figure out what I need to make to make childcare affordable. It just feels …. deflating right now. I’m stoked to stay home withIngrid, I really am. But I wish our financial situation was one that was determined, in some way. 

Sigh.