Seriously, I will discuss other things eventually, as soon as I know what other things are going on in the world. At this point, I have no concept of time or date, and didn’t even realize it was memorial day weekend until I caught it on the news. How I even caught THAT from the news, I’m not sure. Anyway. Also, the link in the last post is fixed, and it works now.
We’re plugging along here, still amazed that, HELLO, we made a HUMAN. The sleeping is going better as well, Dave hangs out with her downstairs and lets me get in a good few hours before they come up, and then she fed at 1, 4:30, 5:30, and up at 7:30. One of the 4:30/5:30 feeds were more like a top-up than a full feed, but I can’t remember which one.
My sister is still here, heading to the mountain this afternoon. My parents are on their way, and want toget some family photos, of course, so that’s our big plan for the day. Tomorrow, we’ll probably visit my MIL, and the whole idea of it just makes my skin crawl. I’ve heard it’s not uncommon, though, for a mother to have a visceral response to her MIL handling the baby, and I probably should just get over it, but still. *shiver*
The hormones are coursing wildly through me, and I HATE TO CRY, and yet, sobbed last night for no good reason other than OH MY GOD, I have a FAMILY. I didn’t think I could love Dave more, and yet, I do. And this surge of love for him is coinciding with a marked decrease in physical contact with him, just because I’m nursing in the big chair, or she’s between us, or whatever, and it’s so WEIRD. Ingrid’s been in our arms since she was born, essentially, and we’re trying to work on getting her acclimated to a bouncy seat or swing, because when he goes back to work (which, *sob,* I’m dreading, because I’ve LOVED this time together so far) I’ll need to have baby-holding-stations, especially if my leg is still fucked up, you know?
I’m getting anxious about doing it all on my own, and still — Dave leaves at 8, comes home for lunch, and is home by 5:15. Not to mention, he’s 3 miles from the house, 90% of the time, so that even if I just needed him to come home, NOW, he could. But it’s so — ODD — to think about packing up Ingrid and taking her to the grocery store, or a doctor appointment, or whatever. It’s just WEIRD. We’ve each run out on our own, and left Ingrid here with the other, with the exception of her weight check on Tuesday, when we both went. I’m trying to think of a good first-trip-out destination, like "grocery store for this specific thing" or whatever, to get over my fear of… the unknown, really. I’ve never taken my baby to the grocery store, because, you know, I’ve NEVER HAD A BABY. AND NOW I DO. WEIRD.
I figure it’s just one of those things that you do, take a leap of faith and DO IT. Otherwise, you run out of food, right?
Why don’t you schedule yourself a little walk in that amazing cemetary. . .. babies send wonderful vibes through the place. Take a snack, water, a blanket, and find a cool place to hang out. Read a book or something. Likely Ingrid will nap through it, and it’s a good place to dig out your old fashioned pen and paper. You haven’t written in a while, I bet. I mean, written like you use to, written.
I think our first trip out with Libby was to babycrack. We did okay. It was a long time before I went out with her on my own I think. It was kinda scary, but yes, it’s a leap of faith and a well rewarded one too!
Oooh! A family portrait! You all look so wonderful, and not like crazy sleep deprived new parents at all.
My first BIG trip was to the mall. It was rough, it was before she would take a pacifier and there was basically no way to soothe her at that point. Once she got the dummy thing down, we were all over the place (it was summer, so lots of air conditioned shopping trips).
My MIL still makes me cringe when she handles my 2 year old baby, so I totally know where you are coming from. And I have to hand over another one soon, totally not digging it. Why can’t they just leave me with my babies and husband? 🙂
I love hearing all these thoughts, b/c for whatever reason, I think I’ll feel the same way. Maybe b/c I love those Meghan Daum essays too (which reminds me–you should read–whenever it is you have time to do such things again–“Tiny Ladies in Shiny Pants”, essays by Jill Solaway/Soloway, forgot which, kind of a female David Sedaris, funny stuff).
Anyway, re MIL–I was just posting about this on the Dot, in postpartum visitors thread ,that I am freaking out about my MIL visiting. What I didn’t post is that I feel so irrational about it-she is sweet, respectful, loving, nice. I like her. But I don’t want anyone but me/S/my mom holding my baby!!!!! I was that way when she was cooking in MY kitchen. Fine if I do it, S does it, my mom, but MIL? Nope, it’s MINE!!! It’s so visceral and irrational and I have to learn to deal with it b/c it’s her grandkid! And she’s not a mean person! And it’s not fair to S for me to be this way! But I feel a litte…crazy right now…