Today I went out with my friend Jess for a few hours, and on the way to drop me off, she asked if there was any shower planned for me yet, which, there isn’t. She offered to host it if no one else did, which was very sweet, because "Everyone needs a shower."  We visited my MIL afterwards, who also asked what the deal was with the shower, and I mentioned that my mom wanted to do something, but over here, because that’s where most of the people were, and my MIL told me to tell her to call so they could plan something for next month.

That’s all well and good, and then I tried to think of who I would invite. I came up with FOUR PEOPLE. (I mean, aside from Dave’s family and my mom, as I don’t have any local family other than my parents.)  And of those four people, one is my coteacher, who was my niece’s teacher many years ago, and whom my SIL despises and complained about to the principal on more than one occasion. So, already uncomfortable. (Deb is a damn ROCK when it comes to conflict and weird situations, and no one else in the room would know of the history but those invloved, and me, but still. You know? But it’s MY shower, so I can have them both there, right?) ANd then, nothing. Not Andy, because I love him enough to not make him the token gay man at an otherwise all-girl shower, but um, yeah.

I never had a wedding shower, and the baby showers I’ve been to have been filled with big families — my niece has all her family right here, and her friends from the teen mom program were there.  My friend Jess is surrounded by family, and I went to a shower for her friend Renee, who had tried for years to get pregnant, and adopted. The first baby was home for 2 days before the birth mother reneged, and whenthe second adoption was a sure thing, the shower was so huge it was held in a rented hall. I went because I was so, so, so happy for her and her husband to have finally arrived as parents, that I wanted to share that, you know?  Anyway, showers? I have no clue.

It was easy with the wedding, we had 30 seats and a strict list of requirements to make the guest list. But with the shower list, I have no idea who gets invited, who doesn’t, who would be offended either way. It’s just weird, with having my family spread out everywhere, you know? And not being in a job where people would be invited naturally. 

ANyway.  SHower advice? Anything?

My SIL emailed me yesterday to ask how I was doing,  and to ask about what we had or needed and if we were registered anywhere, and I’d replied that we had some basics and sent her a link to the baby blog, thinking she’d find the registry stuff there… and in the email I mentioned that we had diapers already, as we were doing cloth and that many of my friends used cloth, and that modern cloth diapering was a lot easier than it used to be. At my MILs, she worked around to that, saying that "J said you got cloth diapers?" in that "you are foolish to think that will be doable" voice. I ended up explaining what I’d gotten, how you don’t need pins, what the wraps were like now (not ‘plastic pants’) about the magic of Gerber EZ Liners, and high efficiencey washing machines, etc… and she was really surprised. Talked about how it used to be, and said "I guess I never considered that things have gotten better since I used them[40+ years ago..]"  I think I’m going to take pictures and put them in the baby blog to explain why we’re doing it, and how it isn’t slaving over a giant kettle of boiling water and trying not to stab the baby and stuff.

ETA: I just posted this at ADL, trying to flesh out why I’m feeling so weird about it:

I think what it is is that it feels like my ILs party. From that side,
it will be at least five people — MIL, 2 SILs, and my 2 (adult)
nieces. And then me and my mom, and a couple of friends, one of which
has a history with an SIL/niece combo, and two others who really
dislike each other in general, but are grownup enough to deal with it
maturely. It’s really been bringing me down tonight, and I think it’s
partly that MY sister and aunts and grandma and such won’t be there
(scattered around the country), and I’ve just been feeling out of sorts
wrt friends lately. Mostly because I’m not in a job where I have
coworkers that are becoming friends, and my friends from my teaching
job I haven’t seen in a while (I did visit the school at christmas) so
it feels weird to invite them. (One invited me to a Pampered Chef
party, which I’m excited to go to simply BECAUSE I miss my old work
friends…) If it was this time last year, I would feel that I had more
friends to invite, just by virtue of having worked with them for 2
years and seeing them every day. It’s odd how NOT seeing them every day
you can lose touch so quickly.

It’s not so much about presents
— my family, due to our farflung homes, are big fans and users of the
online registry, and generous to boot — but about feeling like I’m in
the minority at my own party.