As jeanne has been privy to, there are some things that just buuuug me about the internet lately, and they will comprise my daily post today.
I looove IB, and especially IM, I do. But damn, it can sometimes be a parody if itself. For instance, let’s talk about the holidays. Yes, the HOLIDAYS. I don’t send a HOLIDAY card, I never have, because that’s what grownups do when you get married and buy a house and — oh, shit. And have a kid, right? Right, once you have a kid, you must send a card. But we’re not Christian (like you didn’t know THAT), so I’ve always thought that sending a New Year’s card would be a great way to go. Especially since shutterfly has New Year’s themed designs (okay, that would be awesome to send a card of the baby with a bottle of booze as decorative clip art) for holiday cards. I LOVE New Year (and I kinda love Christmas too, shut up) but I’ve always loved the clean-slatedness of New Year. So, yay! We’ll send a new year’s card. Anyway, I mentioned this on IB, and someone offered up that I’d most likely be offending my Chinese and Jewish friends. Sigh. Now, any Chinese or Jewish friends I have, are on the internet, and most likely reading this. I don’t think I have the addresses of any of my Chinese or Jewish friends, so youprobably wouldn’t get a card anyway. But really, would that offend you? More than if I a) sent a Christmas card, which I enjoy in an entirely secular way, and you may or may not believe in, or b) sent a hannukah card, because that’s what Hallmark tells me to do, even though I’M not Jewish, and I know it’s not a major holiday in Judaism, or C) Just send a freakin’ "Hey, everyone I know had to get new wall calendars and remember to date their checks correctly Happy New Year" cards? But of course, I might piss off the Aussies, since they will celebrate a day earlier from me, right? Or later. Whatever.
Anyway, I still love IB, although things that make me roll my eyes are: any thread title with an "Or," in it, the endless save the world, I’m so indie, I don’t need money to live discussions (usually propelled by people who don’t NEED money, because they already HAVE money.) It’s OKAY to want your job to pay you well, and not be serving the poor and needy and children of the world. It totally is. This also directly ties into my experience with education — when I mentioned one of the reasons I wouldn’t classroom teach again to a practicing teacher in one of my classes was the pay, he scoffed "well, you don’t teach for the money." Great, maybe HE doesn’t (not the sharpest saw in the shed, also one of my pet peeves about teachers, that I’ve been bitching about since I was an undergrad, is the general intelligence level of most of them), but damn, loving kids doesn’t pay my damn mortgage. I really hate that line of bullshit that’s reserved for teachers, and teachers perpetuate it — "oh, we don’t need a wage that compares to other professions that require this level of education, we just love KIDS SO MUCH, that that’s enough!" Bull. SHIT. It is totally okay to want to make more than 23k a year for dealing with the level of crap that is going down in schools these days, and it’s not until teachers stop hiding behind their love of apple shaped post-it notes and seasonally themed cardigans as job perks that anything will change. Obviously, I have strong feelings about this.
More internet teeth-grinding:
I really love(d) the leery polyp, but lately the proseletyzing about organic food and grass fed beef is getting on my nerves. I mean, yeah, that’s great. We should have less chemicals in everything, I totally agree. But choosing organic and EC and all of that is a choice of LUXURY. I don’t know that I could afford to eat all-organic NOW, let alone when we have the baby. And then it brings up all kinds of other choices — like, is it better for us to be scraping by and filling ourselves with the "poison of modern living" so that I can stay at home and nurse on demand? Or do I go to work and have the baby in a daycare, where I use my income to eat all-organic rat’s ass but have to –gasp! — use disposable diapers on the baby, and not practice teaching it to pee in a salad bowl on demand?
I love reading the mama blogs, and the thing I love about it is that almost all of them write in a way of "this is what I do, what I believe in, and it’s cool" and not in a "but all y’all are STUPID SHEEP that shop at Shaw’s and not out of the Amish buggy on the corner, you fools, and you’ll all die a horrible death because of it, baby-poisoner!" I mean, we all have to make our choices the best way we can. For me, I would LOVE to stay at home, and we’re working on saving money to draw out my (unfunded) ‘maternity leave (from the workforce, and not a job)’ as best we can. But I won’t go into debt to do that. That’s MY preference, I’ve been in debt, it sucks, and I don’t want to go back. There are others who are okay with that, and hey, that’s cool! It’s not my life. And if someone suggests it, I explain my position, and it’s all good, you know? I am really committed to breastfeeding, but if it didn’t work out for someone? Who am I to wag my finger? I’m sure they are already getting it wagged from a million sources. Which is why, when my grandnephews weren’t nursed, I didn’t say anything. Not my place. I hope to breastfeed and set an example, or just model that it can be done, and if it works out (knock on wood, all of that) then maybe with the next round of kids that sprout, I can be a resource. I have a lot of resources already that the niece and nephew’s gf DIDN’T have and DON’T have, and I am blessed because of it.
Anyway. The preachy tone of the recent posts at TLP are turning me off. There was some preachiness in her birth plan and birth story as well, and it’s HER story, but the holier-than-thou bit gets to me. Share your story! Share your resources! But when I’m reading, and it starts to feel like all you can see when you look up is nostrils, something’s not right. Too many people go hungry each day, you know? Is it better to feed yourself organically, or to spend less on your food so as to provide more to a food pantry?
So, there you go, my holiday rant! I promise, the rest of the month will be just pure butterflies and rainbows and stupid pregnancy updates like: "My underwear continue to roll down, goddamnit."
(Just an afterthought: I plan on using cloth diapers, breastfeeding, hope to have a drug-free birth and all of that. I don’t think any less of people that do any different than what I’ve planned — and lord knows, it could all change when reality hits — and I don’t think less of people who state their opinions. It’s the tone of "I don’t understand why everyone else isn’t doing what is SO OBVIOUSLY RIGHT" that bugs me, which I’ve never gotten from any of my shared blog-reads or internet friends, or irl friends. Just sayin — I wouldn’t bitch if it was about someone I knew was reading. Which is why I DO bitch about my ILs. )
Amen, Gretchen!
Or is it not appropriate to say “Amen”?
I know what you mean, and that’s exactly why I didn’t go to church for a long time, although that’s a long parallel to draw.
I think that a lot of preachy people are really insecure about what, and so if they talk someone else into believing what they do, then they feel justified.
Complete non sequitor here, but the natural foods thing made me think of this. A while ago you posted about sensitive skin, etc., and for a long time, the only brand of pads I could use was Natracare. I got them at Whole Foods, but you can get ’em cheaper online at Drugstore.com. Love me some cotton!
My first husband-hahahah-was all about the natural foods. He really tried to convert me. I was like, “I was raised on falafel, and now I am gonna have a cheeseburger.” We kind of worked out the food deal until the day he came home and told me he’d found Jesus. “Jesus! Well, I was raised on Jesus, too.” But somehow if I didn’t do things HIS way, it made me a moron.
Sigh.
My sister, a corporate lawyer and self-professed “nature lover” (she milks her own goats and everything) SWORE she’d have a drug free delivery until the time came. And then she screamed for them. And she went on to have two more kids and she signed right up for drugs. Her kids speak Mandarin and all kinds of other smart stuff, so I guess it didn’t hurt them.
Everyone is different, but I agree with you, “don’t make me do things your way and don’t look down on me because I don’t.”
*waves* Chinese girl here, and I wouldn’t be offended by a New Year’s card at all. In fact, I’m confused as to why I would be offended in the first place. Hmm. Maybe I’m not Chinese enough.
Yeah, me too, I don’t know why I’d be offended by a New Year’s card. Do these people think it’s more offensive to non-Christians than a Christmas card would be?
I do view New Year’s Cards in some of the same ways that I view Christmas cards – the New Year that falls in January has both Christian and Pagan roots, so it pretty much clashes with my beliefs. It’s jarring to be wished a Happy New Year as if people think *I’m* celebrating it. Not nearly as frustrating as Merry Christmas, because there I think the clash should be pretty obvious, whereas most people probably don’t realize there’s any religious character to New Year’s at all. But a little frustrating nonetheless.
But I don’t know if I’d call it offensive. Especially if it’s just an expression of what the *wisher* is celebrating, you know what I mean? I think sending out a family card can be more about you than about them. If I were going to send one to someone of a different faith I would probably make that explicit in the card: We know this is not your New Year, but it is ours, and it’s traditional for us at this time to send best wishes to the people we care about, so we wanted to send them to you.
That’s my two cents. 🙂
GAH! The hippies… the hippies are so self-righteous and elitist these days, and usually parentally funded. I like to call them Trustafarians. I’m sure you remember my bitching about my organic agriculture class, where I had to restrain myself from attacking the circle of handholding, chanting classmates Jet Li style and then consuming hormone laden beef while they watched in horror while bound with unorganic rope not made of hemp (gaspshockhorror!). They were so wrapped up in the propaganda they could not BELIEVE anyone would eat PROCESSED food. Obviously, people who feed their children boxed food don’t love them enough. GAG. It always seems like these people have a minute grasp of economics. I’ve never wanted to smear bacon grease on someone so badly in my whole life.
And as far as a New Year’s card, I can’t imagine why anyone would be offended. Although, I’m incredibly hard to offend, so perhaps I’m not the best springboard. Then again, if you thought of someone enough to send them a card, and they get offended, FUCK THEM. I apologize for swearing in your journal. I also just asked Becky, our office jew, and she says that just because it’s not the new year on their calendar doesn’t mean that all jews sit home alone on December 31st. She parties on New Years Eve just like everyone else. And she pointed out that Israel participated in the worldwide millenium celebration, so as a country, they were not offended by the celebration of the new year as we count them.
So I just realized that pphone said she is a little jarred by people wishing her a Happy New Year and now I’m all embarassed that she might think my comment was directed at her when it TOTALLY wasn’t. I’m sorry, P, and a belated L’shanah tovah to you!
No, I know that many (probably most) Jews celebrate January 1st!
Just wanted to say that — even from the perspective of a Jew who doesn’t — I still think there’s a non-offensive way to do this.
Thanks for clarifying, Bre: you know I love you.
God, yes. The worst self-parody of IM is how *any* nasty behavior is affirmed by all the others. My favorite is cmcinnyc, who refused to attend a shower when she was TTC because it was too painful to be even slightly happy for someone else, and now advocates that when pregnant you should avoid people who are TTC because they can’t be suitably happy for you. Or refusing to give up a seat for a pregnant woman because you’re jealous.