A great distraction from worrying about my ultrasound tomorrow (7:45 am EST, send good vibes in a northeasterly direction,  for most of you) has been a long, and sometimes heated, conversation at IB.  I post to the IndieMom section of IB more than I do anywhere now, even Digs, because the main focus of my life has been trying to get pregnant, and stay that way.  I love the digsters, but there’s a broader experience base at IM for me to draw from, so I’ve been choosing IB over Digs lately. (And, as emmalola put it, yeefan has done a fantastic job at keeping the focus on the original demographic, so I think alot of us old time Digsters are aging out of the majority there. Plus, obfuscating every single word in a post gets annoying. Seriously. Digs will not be the first place to pop up when someone types ‘sex’, so don’t type ‘s3x.’  Obfuscate real names and places if you want, but not every noun and most verbs. Anyway.)  I know that there are readers here that are from IB, and that some of my readers have at least lurked at IM, if not posted.  The mama-types are probably more familiar with it, and I’ve even pulled a few digsters over to IM as posters.  For the most part, it’s a great place.

The big hoo-ha now, though is that Im has really outgrown the space it’s been allocated. There’s no moderation, no tech support, and no need to register or login to post. I’ve never seen anonymous posting, ever, on a message board, and it’s gotten to a point now where people post anonymous, mean shit about people and their kids. Not cool for me, not at all.  And while I certainly think there is a level of over-moderation (even at Digs, I haven’t posted a new thread in ages, partly because I can never figure out where to put it — and I’m a oldtimer) SOME moderation is important, I think. As a result of all of this discussion — which is very borderline personality disorder: "I hate children and I hate you and I hate your children! But don’t leave me!" — there is discussion swirling about creating a new community.  (Read this IB’s LJ post about the current situation, as she really puts it well.)

In that discussion, I’ve repeatedly said that I’m certain there are people out there that would love to see a new community that was mama-friendly, but not all-mom, all-the-time.  The new utopia would not have anon posting, and basic moderation. (Anons might be available at the start, but moderated enough that not playing nice would be shut down right away.)  IM has been one of the most respectful places (if you never venture out into the wilds of everything else IB) that I’ve seen, especially when it comes to motherhood. No one is chastised for their choices, and everyone respects that it’s an individual’s choice to breastfeed, or not, or to work out of the home, or not, or to work part time, or not, or to have a SAHD, or not.  Because the general education level there is pretty high, I feel comfortable saying that whatever anyone’s chosen to do has been an educated decision.  If you breastfeed, there is a small army of supporters at the ready, waiting to help.  If you bottlefeed, there’s a tribe to help you too. It’s not a forum for the merits of breast over bottle, or a place to guilt trip bottlefeeders or worship breastfeeders, it’s just a place to get support, no matter what, which I think is AWESOME.  On top of all the great parenting advice, there’s an active subset of ttc’ers, people dealing with fertility treatments, and pregnant people. When I miscarried, at Digs I got ((hugs)) which is very nice, but at IM I got INFORMATION. Shared stories, suggestions on what to watch out for, hope from the threads like "pregnancy after a miscarriage" and humility from people who have gone through more than once, more than twice.

The new forum would strive to keep that conversation and information flow, and add sections that are not about kids — sections about home and living, education and jobs, politics and current events, and all those types of things. But it would have a separate, organized set of forums for those of us in the TTC/pregnant/parenting world.  Oh, and it would also not have pages and pages of sig files, tickers, powerpoints, etc, because I don’t think I’ve seen a forum yet that is fairly mama-centric that DOESN’T have them, and it’s pretty uniformly despised at IM. Also, no baby-dancing. Only goal oriented fucking. 😉 

So, my question is, who out there would be interested in joining such a community? Whether you’re an IM or not, or you’ve lurked and been intimidated to post because of the disorganization and undercurrent of knowing you could be picked on at any time, outside of the realm of IM? Email me, or post here, or whatever. I would be interested to know.

ETA: I’m not starting it, but I’m sort of on a planning committee to get this going, and am just wondering if anyone out there that is NOT currently an IM/IB would be interested.

In other topics, I feel like absolute shit. I don’t know if it’s pregnancy, or stress about tomorrow, or both, but I am really hoping that by say, 9 am tomorrow I am feeling more assured, one way or another. I just want to know. I just want to make it to the next step.  Until then, I’m queasy and nothing tastes good, and I just want to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow with all the answers. Sigh.