I go to NYC in four days! Holy cow!

The last week of school was one of the busiest — I was at school til 8 or 9 a few nights, plus wrapping up grades and doing report cards and writing the letters to the 8th graders and cleaning my room and and and now that it’s DONE, I’m totally surprised that my flight is on THURSDAY. Holy cow.

This year, and especially this spring, has been hard.  It’s been hard trying to teach knowing that my program is on the line.  It’s been hard TTCing and having no success, then some success, and then a total failure.  It’s been hard trying to know what I should do next, what I should do in regards to TTC, hell, even what to do about the color of my bedroom.  And to be broaching 30, to boot, well, I told KB that this trip is like my little reward for surviving it all.

It’s weird, though, how the miscarriage still bugs me.  Today it did, father’s day, because I’m once again feeling like I let Dave down (and he insists that that is NOT the case, it’s totally my own feelings) because this would have been the first father’s day that he was ever a part of, in any way.  When I think about NYC, my original plans had me thinking I would keep my eye out for maybe a neat bag that could be used as a diaper bag (like the dragonfly messenger bags at Pearl River or something) and how I would compare notes with KB and AnneMarie and hear all about Brooke’s nephew.  And "babies bring babies."  I cannot wait to meet Olivia and Violet and be reminded of just what it is I’m working towards.  I’m excited to see Avenue Q with Muse, too, to do some grown up things, to get that jolt of energy a true city gives me.

So, if you see me with my lime-green bag and orange backpack this weekend, know that I’m really excited for the future, and wiser from the past, and still, very much, twenty-nine.