You know, only I would start to miscarry on Mother’s Day, and have the most
intense cramping and bleeding on Friday the 13th. Sigh.
Anyway. It sucks because I’m at school, and I’m REALLY bleeding now, I
thought I was yesterday but I’ve taken 400 mg of ibuprofen and it’s still
hurting a lot. I have that goddamn semi-formal tonight, so I’m basically
screwed screwed screwed. This sucks.
I’ve also been looking at the calendar, and trying to figure out what to do
next. Anecdotally, there seems to be a fertility bump in the cycle after a
miscarriage, and I’m torn between ‘wasting’ that to have a better due date
for grad school, or using it and having a mid-semester delivery. And, if I
had JUST started trying, and gotten pregnant right away, the choice would be
simple, I think. Wait til August. But, because it took ten cycles, almost a
year because of their unusual length, I worry about haha, throwing the baby
out with the bathwater. What if I wait and miss the window, and spend
another year or more trying to get pregnant? What if I don’t wait, and it
happens right away, and I’m all yaaay! but it screws with my GA work and
degree? Fuck, this is hard.
At this point, I’m thinking I should wait. But I’m so tempted by the
possibility of being pregnant again soon, you know? I will definitely wait a
full cycle, anyway, and it would be three periods (assuming I bleed 35 days
from this incident, and every 35 after) before I was ‘safe’ as far as having
a post spring semester due date… but then, so much can happen! I could
schedule the hell out of this and still end up screwed in the spring
semester if I had complications (knock wood) or something. And I can’t help
but feel, in my little agnostic spiritualist way, that no matter what
happened it would work out. I might have to bust ass to finish my projects
before May, or I might have to work longer before the baby is due to get all
my hours, or something. This HAPPENS to people, and they work it out.
And then I think, I should take til August to lose some weight, to see how
the Synthroid works for my other systems. (I am really hoping to stay on it,
I’ve had too many symptoms for too long — and a family history, I find out– to make it worth my while. I’m hoping my
OB/GYN will give me a few months to see if it works out.) Before I had
the shock of the bad ultrasound, I had a shock on the scale. It
depresses the hell out of me, and I feel like I should lose some before
trying again, that maybe I’d feel better, and that maybe the Synthroid
will help with the depression/weight gain/long
periods/miscarriage/constipation/dry skin etc that I’ve been
experiencing.
I just don’t know what to do.
Gretchen, I think I’m missing the end of your entry, so I won’t comment on any of that yet… but I did want to tell you, I routinely take 600mg ibuprofen the first couple of days of my period, because 400mg just doesn’t cut it for my cramps. A miscarriage deserves at least as much as a bad period, don’t you think?
Take whatever you need to feel better, and if it doesn’t work, call your doctor and ask for better meds! Please. I can’t do anything about the rest of it, but I hate for you to be in more pain than you have to be.
Gretchen, I’ve been having the same ‘should I wait now, or keep trying’ dilemma. I should graduate from my grad program next May, but have to do 300 hours of internships that semester. So, do I keep trying now or wait until August, putting the possible due date a bit further out? Of course, then comes the problem of interviewing for jobs while potentially quite pregnant. Since it’s been over a year, I’ve decided to keep trying and figure out what to do as I go. Good luck with your decision.