There are lots of things I’m scared about right now. I’m excited for the ultrasound (only four more sleeps!) but also scared that something will be wrong. I’m scared about being the dumpiest pregnant person ever. I’m scared about childbirth. I’m scared about lots of things.
The big one right now, though, is the whole money thing. I get paid til September 1. Awesome. That rocks. After that, though, I gots nothin’. There still is no definite GA position, and even the lab assistant job is apparently opening up, but I’m starting to feel sort of apprehensive about that because I feel like I won’t be functioning at 100 percent, and that I’ll feel an indebtedness to the department for finding me work, and a bit like a fraud for not mentioning the pregnancy. (No one at grad school knows, and probably won’t because tomorrow is my last class.) I am committed to my degree, in a way that is hard to explain sometimes, but it’s truly a field that I have a passion for, and that I would excel at. But facing doing the first half of the job in the third tri (which starts 9/11) and the second half as a new mom (babe would be ~6 weeks old) seems really, really overwhelming right now. Granted, I’m exhausted from the first tri, and feeling generally overwhelmed by everything at school, but still. I want to do my best at school, and I worry that full timenext year with a baby showing up in the middle is a lot to worry about.
So, I say, maybe I’ll bow out for this academic year and shoot for the 06-07 academic year to be my full time year. I can complete at that point, and maybe I should just take a class at a time for next year. Or two in fall, and one in spring. Or 1F05, 1SP06 and 1SU06, and then FT in F06. But then what?
I could apply for ed tech positions at local schools. The city pays a lot more than my school does, and it’s an academic calendar, and I would be able to serve the kids who need it most, without having to deal with any of the crap that teachers do: no parent phone calls, no conferences, no planning or correcting or homework or detention duty or anything. Just, go in at 8 (or whatever) and leave at 3. Work with kids (usually SED kids) one on one all day, or in small groups. But then, after the baby is born, then what? DO I keep ed teching? (5 days a week) or do I quit and just sub and/or tutor? Do I scrap the ed tech idea altogether and look for a part time job? But I feel like I should make as much money as I can, while I can. So, I ed tech, have the baby, and . . . . .
I would love to just be able to stay home. I would love it. But, it’s not part of our reality. Dave is being groomed to take over Creative in a few years, but that’s not going to happen this year. I bring home almost exactly half of our income. Selling our house is simply not an option, for one, we love our house, for two, apartments cost as much, and for three, it is imperative to Dave that his children grow up in a home. He spent his whole life moving from one subsidized apartment to another, and he won’t do it again, and I respect that. And we love our house! We didn’t spend our maximum loan amount because we knew this would be an issue in the future, and that’s cool. But I still need to contribute in some way. It is not an option for Dave to leave his job, or find a new one, he is at the top of his field for our area (where we plan to stay) and in line to be the head guy of the top creative department at the highest rated station, etc, in a few years. His company is fabulous (they have an honor system sick time policy, and since Dave has taken exactly one sick day in all the years I’ve known him, we’re hoping that the company will let him take a week or two when the baby is born, paid) and he’s staying.
SO that leaves me. Is it better to work part time, say, four hours a day, five days a week? Or 2-3 full 8 hour days? I have no idea what we would do for childcare: my coteacher has volunteered to be a step-grandma and watch the baby after school when I needed it, in a pinch I could probably find a friend to sit. If it were evenings, Dave would be here. But school jobs aren’t evening jobs. And is that better?
Oh, god. Do you SEE the dilemmas I am facing? I can’t even sort out in my head what I WANT to do, because I’m so terrified of what I SHOULD do. And I have no idea what TO do.
It’s gonna be a long 32 weeks. (8 weeks today!)
I feel for you. But I would strongly suggest you get as much school done before the baby comes as possible. I was full time in my last trimester (with exams a full day before my due date) and I am so glad I just pushed through it. Nobody can predict what kind of pregnancy you’ll have, but we can predict that everything is tons harder with a kid around. That fatigue goes away to some degree around 14 weeks or so, and the last trimester has it’s own indignities, but fatigue isn’t necessarily one of them. And don’t worry about feeling like a fraud- it’s not the first time they’ve had to deal with a pregnant student. They can handle it. As for the working issues- I’m assuming you’re breastfeeding, which I really shouldn’t do. But say you’re breastfeeding, you’re going to need a job where you can take 30-45 minutes out of your day twice (usually) to pump. If you are at a job with a rigid schedule, then try to find work that is half day, so you don’t have to pump as frequently. Finally, if your uni has childcare services, then go tour and get on their waiting list NOW. It’s so much better to be too early than too late. It’s better for the kid to have stable, scheduled childcare than to have a few friends in a pinch. Those friends can help out tons, but it’s better for the kid to have stability. At least that’s been our experience. And that’s all my unsolicited advice for now. thank you for being so patient. lola.
I have no advice except to say that thus far your life has guided you to be where you are. You are ready for this. You are strong and smart and have options. You are very lucky. You and Dave are going to get through this and happily, too! When you get to the point where you have to choose, bambino and you and Dave will decide. But you can’t really predict what you will want until then. Ya know?!
welcome!
I guess I don’t see how you could afford to take just one class unless you worked, too, because most people don’t get financial aid going part-time. You should get more financial aid once you have a dependent, but that wouldn’t be until after you can claim the bambino on your taxes/aid application.
I tried being an undergrad while pregnant and it was horrible. But so was being an undergrad with a 6 month old baby, so it is a toss-up.
In the end, it is something only you can figure out, but I think working 2 or 3 long days would be better than working everyday. That way, you get four or five days at home to relax. You will save on gas and on daycare costs, because you’ll only pay for travel time two or three days, not five days.
This is a tough one.
Ok, so my situation is a lot like yours. I have to work…the Mr. is a Ph.D. student, which is very lovely but not very high paying. We don’t want to sell our house because we love it and plus, renting wouldn’t be cheaper. I’m also a teacher.
To complicate things, we moved to NH during my 5th month of pregnancy, I got this job during my 5th month and never mentionned being pregnant at the interview. They were very kind to give me 6 weeks of paid leave, but then I had to come back to work with my baby being only 5 and a half weeks old.
BUT, here’s the very good thing. I do individualized diagnostic instruction at a clinic for students with learning disabilities. I have to teach all my students, of course, but it’s somewhat flexible how I schedule them. So, this academic year, I was able to have my students Monday-Thursday and be home Fridays.
Next academic year, I scheduled all my kids for Tuesday-Thursday. Now, this means I’ll be at work until 6:00 on all those days, but it’s worth it for me to only work 3 days and have the other 4 days of the week home with her. And it means daycare is cheaper, since we only use it for 3 days.
I really think you’ll be able to work something out!
I have absolutely NO advice, however, I have COMPLETE faith in the two of you.
Er, make that complete faith in the THREE of you.
i have no advice, but i can offer my own experience with worry. i am so glad that i documented a lot of the things i worried about when pregnant. when i look back over them now it is amazing how things just worked out. i was so worried about being in our small apartment, but now i love our house, our neighborhood, and the beach just a few blocks away. i worried about how i would handle cloth diapers with no washer and no services in my area. again, no big deal. i didn’t know how i would possibly take care of another human, but i do, i just do. and you will too. i know you and i know things will work out. you will worry. i will continue to find things to worry about, but know that everything will work out.