Suffice it to say that I am really. really. stressed. out. these days.
I feel like I’m on that rope in the movies, you know the one, where it’s starting to unravel, thread by thread, and fibers start popping and snapping and it goes faster andfaster and faster annnnddd…..

and I’m seeing it happen, fumbling for the superglue, trying to keep it all together, trying to make sure the very core of the rope stays intact while I reconfigure everything else.

My project for school is going to be late, I have stuff to grade filling my bag, we have to dissect frogs tomorrow and I need to find the materials. The thing I’m best at in my job (understanding young adolescents and their conflicts) is not what administration or the government wants me to be the best at (testing and measuring) and I just. am. going. crazy.

I don’t know when to expect my period, because of last month, I don’t know when I’m ovulating, I’m trying to get it on every other day and trying to figure out what I’ll do next year. I’m trying to make healthy meals and not snack as much and exercise more and I’m trying to focus in on what I NEED to do, and I just can’t focus or something.

I mean, I have a 4.0 in school, I’m late on this project, but it’s the first class with this prof and I feel like I have to constantly defend why I was allowed to skip the prerequisite and now I feel like a total fraud, which happens several times over the semester, but when I finish shit, I get As. I mean, I have a 4.0! Surely I’m not going to fail this class for one late project, especially in my program, where I am constantly reminded by my advisor to relax, you’re a teacher, grad school is different. But now that I HAVE a 4.0, I want to KEEP it, and so I add in all kinds of pressure.

So, that’s where I’m at. How are you?