What a fucking fucked up fucking holiday.

I mean, to start it off with this bigass tragic death, well, that certainly alters the mood. The story on that:

So, this is my cousin who lives in Maine, the only one who does, only extended family in the state. He was 49, and has two kids, 16 & 12, boy and girl, whom he’s had sole custody of for the last 6 years, I think, and for damn good reason. Mom had all kinds of problems, and the sole custody was court ordered and all of that, and in the years since, the mom moved to kansas city. Because the kids are older, now, and more independent, and because the mom’s been sober for a while, my cousin agreed to let them visit her for Christmas, for 3 weeks.  My parents took them out to dinner a few nights before they left, and made tentative plans for my cousin to join us for christmas dinner.  He’d apparently been drinking on the 23rd, wasn’t wearing his seat belt, and wrapped his Suburban around a tree at 3 am on the 24th. Not exactly a freak accident, but certainly a motherfucking tragic one, because NOW, my cousins don’t have their Sole Fucking Provider, their mom is legally forbidden to get custody (while he didn’t ever wear a seatbelt, he did have all of his legal ducks in a row regarding that situation) and my parents just left here to go to his house to unearth the legal documents for all of that. he was a pretty private guy, and we think the kids’ guardian is my cousin Jen in Florida, but we aren’t sure, and she is driving up with my aunt, who plans to stay on indefinitely while shit gets sorted out. Meanwhile, my dad is prepared to make goddamn sure that Colson’s wishes are adhered to, and the legal ones as well, and is gearing up to be the bad guy in the situation. Dad has also been dealing with the messier matters of everything — talking to the cops, initially (the state police had gone to our house at the lake to inform them, but my folks were at the mountain, and really, thank god, because my mom would’ve freaked to see a trooper at her door with Kate’s travel plans all screwy), the funeral home, all of the other relatives, scheduling shit — so christmas? has been weird.

In so many ways, this has been a really great christmas — shit, Kate made it HOME! After so many people DIDN’T get out of DIA, she made it fucking HOME! And, it’s Ingrid’s first christmas! Not that she knows it’s any different, but dammit, it’s made OUR lives different, and to have a first family christmas is such a joy. And my parents’ business had a really great year, apparently, and because kate and I are each starting off in new career paths (Kate got her RE license, and i finished my Master’s) we got really generous gifts. But it’s so fucked up to be like "OMG! A Dmothafucking70!" and then have the phone ring and pause to have my dad find out about cremation services. SO. FUCKED. UP. And to be excited about… a camera…. when my cousins are not only fatherless, but 90 percent of kids, even kids of divorce, if one parent dies, they know what happens next. These guys don’t default to their mother. So, do they move to Florida? My parents are gearing up to play a role in that issue, even if it’s temporary, to finish out the school year. They’ve been a huge part of those kids’ lives, anyway — when they are sick, my mom picks them up at school and takes care of them, they take them to the mountain all the time, my mom helps on the girl-stuff end of things with the younger one, etc… It’s just so fucked. up.

And as another layer, the house they live in is the one that Colson grew up in; he bought it from my aunt many years ago. But, when he was 12 (and his oldest sister 14), my uncle was killed in a drunk driving accident, going north in the southbound lane of I95, and my mom had just graduated from college and was on vacation in Quebec (she lived in Western NY state, on the PA state line) and was the closest family member, so she drove to this very house, and ended up staying, getting a teaching job, and helping my aunt with her kids, who were 2-14 in age. And now, my aunt is driving back to this very house, to tend to two kids whose dad was killed in a car wreck… it’s just fucking spooky as shit.

On top of all of that, and I am not even kidding, my grandma is in the hospital, after feeling faint and going pale at christmas eve dinner in Houston. They knew about Colson, and didn’t call us until late yesterday afternoon, because they wanted us to have some semblance of a nice holiday. Anyway, she was takenby ambulance to the hospital, not a heart attack or stroke, but something funky on the EKG in the ambulance, so they are keeping her for tests.

Can it be 2007 now?

It’s been a heavy holiday, and will continue to be — my parents left this morning to go back and start dealing with the legal stuff/paperwork/getting Colson’s house together — my aunt and cousin are just past DC, driving from Florida with the intent that my aunt (who is 74) will stay to take care of the kids. Another cousin was on vacation in GUAM from his home in JAPAN, so he has had to get from Guam to Japan to rural fucking MAINE ASAP, and yet another cousin and her daughter are flying in from Oregon. (That last one is the cousin for whom I had to secretly take care of her daughter, who was 1.5 at the time, while she was in a psych hospital, because the combo of my aunt and now-fatherless-young-cousin was NOT WORKING. i wrote about that a few years ago, here)  Plus, my aunt from Western NY is coming, and farflung cousins and shit… my sister is going to try to extend her ticket, which means a financial hit for her because this is her busy season, and she and I are going to drive up tomorrow. We have stuff to do here — Ingrid needs her flu shot booster, for one, since she’s going to be manhandled left right and crooked at all this family stuff (which I’m okay with, essentially, because she really has been the one to keep us buoyed the last few days, and my parents just melt when she smiles at them, and hey, babies are the promise of good things, right?) but seriously, girl will be flushot protected before 3 continents of germs descend. I need to get the tree taken care of, all that stuff…

Just, FUCK. you know? I am so blessed with all that I do have, with my own family, and it just so totally fucking sucks for my cousins, for my mom, for my aunt, for everyone.  I really hope others have a good holiday week, enjoy your family, wear your goddamn seatbelt, and don’t fucking drive drunk. FOR FUCK’SSAKE.

Festive, eh?