Webought a crib mattress this weekend.  Just the cheap $50 one from Target, but it was weird. We were so totally Expectant Parents in the store, with me pushing the cart and Dave holding the mattress and helping me navigate. There was another couple there doing similar maneuvers, but with 2 Graco boxes instead of a mattress.

We put it in the crib, which meant pulling out the boxes of stuff that have been being stored in the crib, and suddenly, the crib looks like a bed for a BABYinstead of just a big storage unit.  When we went to put it in, there was a split at one of the side seams, but from what I understand, those are inevitable on a cheap crib mattress, so we just patched it up with duct tape. I hd gotten a matress pad anyway, vinyl backed but topped with cloth-diaper material, so it’s absorbent and not so crunch crunch crunch plasticy sounding, and i figure between the duct tape and pad and mattress placement, it will be fine. (Not to mention, who the hell knows when the kid will end up in the crib anyway, since our plans are to keep it in our room until it no longer works for us. It’s kind of like a backup/beard crib to keep people from questioning EVERY damn decision we make.)  I tried to make some headway on the room, but the more I DO the more clusterfucked it seems to look. It really wouldn’t be that much to get it picked up and set up, but I find it totally overwhelming.  Dave’s been working on the hallway, and will put together the changing table when there’s a place to put it up there, so in themeantime there’s stuff that will go ON the changing table in a pile, and there’s a rubbermaid of clothes and fitted diapers and liners that need to be prewashed, eventually, which will probably happen after the shower. But I’d like it to look babyish before the shower, since people will probably ask to see the room, right? Argh.

I did get the dishes done, finally, but everything just seems SO. OVER. WHELMING. right now. School, totally. The room. Getting dishes done. EVERYTHING. I feel all twisted up with school, which is SO STUPID. I mean, this is like the BEST time to be in school full time, but also? Kind of the worst. Best, because I have a pretty good schedule, it’s getting paid for, it’s VERY low-energy work, workwise. Worst, because I feel like my brain is being run through a juicer, and I just keep forgetting shit! Like, projects. SoI get behind — hell, at my last Tuesday class, i thought I was being SO GOOD and dropboxing the stuff I’d done at the school computer (but in a totally differnt building/lab than the one i work in) to sort through and then submit as projects, because I DID IT in class — and I opened them up, and it’s the wrong stuff, like I totally selected the wrong files to ‘bringhome’ and clean up and submit. Sigh. I just need to DO. IT. Sit down, and do it. It’s SO STUPID. I need to make a list, or something, and hammer through, and find someplace I don’t get wireless access, honestly.  I don’t have classes next week, so my goal is GET CAUGHT UP. Dammit.

I had an OB appt yesterday, which was fine — the same old,same old. She asked me about the sugar thing, and while I have been able to jack it up there (granted, I was trying to see what would do it, and shitloads of sugar or potatoes seem to be the best way to getit over 120) she seemed more concerned with my waking numbers, which are all 75-85, which is well under the threshold of 95, and she seemed good with that. She then said that once babies get over 8 lbs, they get more aggressive, and I piped right thehell up and said, "yeah, we need to talk about that."  I explained the LONG LINE of big-ass babies that have come out of my predecessors, complete with mitigating factors (the biggest was 9-15, my sister, and my mom SMOKED and was ON INSULIN at the time) and then the doc said "Were they all vaginal deliveries?" HELL YES, and unmedicated, too. "Oh, that’s good! I like to hear that…" was her response. I mean, 8 lbs? SHIT! That’snothing in my family. I really love my doc, and I do trust her, and i would MUCH rather go for an induction over a c-section, but 8 lbs is a damn peanut in my family. I dofeel that I have a big say in my care, and that’s good. I really don’t want to end up with a shitload of ultrasounds to ‘weigh’ the baby that (from what I’ve seen, totally anecdotally) are never, ever accurate. It seems so many people get all freaked out "OH the baby is ALREADY 7lbs so they are going to induce!" and th ebaby comes out at 6.5 lbs 2 weeks later, or whatever. Other than that, everything is fine, good heartbeat, measuring spot-on, no comments about my weight gain, so i assume she’s okay with it, too.

I just feel like the train is picking up speed and I’m not keeping up — not with getting shit ready, not with school, not with anything. All i want to do is nap and bury my head in the sand and wake up with a baby, delivered without complications, and a bank account that will support us for a year, comfortably, and my M. Ed hanging on the wall, completed. Sigh.