Dammit! Kvetch is down again. Argh.

Anyway.

The last few nights have been weird.  I am thoroughly bone tired by 7, drag home, eat dinner, and have been in bed before 9 each night . . . where I lay awake unable to sleep. What the fuck?

Yesterday. I was cooked by 3:30.  I even had a –gasp!– latte to try to perk up, to no avail.  I could have put my head down on my desk and slept straight through class, but, erm, that’s not acceptable.  I drove home, and was too tired to finish eating my dinner, but as soon as I got into bed (at around 8:30) I couldn’t fall asleep. I was too hot, or my mind was racing or whatever. It sucked.

I also posted on IM yesterday that I’m feeling like this is another 2WW, that I’m not pregnant until proven otherwise in the form of an ultrasound in 10 days.  I’m trying not to think about stuff like are my boobs sore enough? Am I tired enough? Am I queasy enough?  I’m just considering myself possibly pregnant right now, more than anything else. I also had a shitty ultrasound dream last night — that I was lying on my belly so I couldn’t see the screen, but I heard the heartbeat, and it was way too slow — 60 bpm — and I was pissed that I had to even hear a dying heartbeat, that it would have been easier if there had been none.  I had such a GREAT dream last month, just before I conceived, and this has taken the wind out of that dream’s sails.  I KNOW not everything in my dreams comes true, but I dream SO lucidly that it’s hard for me to disconnect from them.  And this one — either dream has a 50/50 chance of coming true, right? So, no matter what, I’ve dreamed the outcome — healthy pregnancy, or doomed
one. Fuck. I don’t know.

(sorry, remote posting sometimes cuts off my entry)