Way back when I was preparing to student teach, I was grappling with the dilemma of graduating in December with a teaching degree. Not many teaching jobs open up mid-year, so I was planning on subbing and going to grad school full time. One of the things I was considering was to apply for a job at the Challenger Learning Center; I was keeping abreast of its development and knew they were planning to open in March, so a job in January might be a possibility. Of course, as things turned out, on my third day of student teaching in fifth grade I was offered to interview and be a long-term sub in the middle school. And, well, I got the job and kept on truckin’.
The CLC was still intriguing to me, though, and I always checked it out when we drove by the formerly abandoned Air Force base movie theater to see what changes were happening. Some kids in the lower school got a grant for a group to go, and last spring I was asked if I would do a Science Club to get them there, and I agreed to do it, but in this school year. I went over the summer to a mini-mission with a group of teachers for a conference open house, and loved it. I went in over break to buy Dave an astronaut pen (he had seen it when doing a shoot in there at one point), and today I went for my official teacher training.
The center director had been very pregnant this summer, and she was there today with her baby. She remembered me, we made small talk and I went about my day, but I couldn’t help but think "Damn, this would be a good job." As it is, after I finished the training, I volunteered to be a seat-filler on future training missions, because, you know, it is right around the corner from my house. Seriously. Less than a mile, and I don’t even have to go through a traffic light to get there. I made sure to mention that, too.
I like to keep my options open, you know? I like to make sure the networking is happening, and the CLC isn’t at full capacity yet, so people are working very part time. I could work very part time. And, the fact that the director has not only recently had a baby, but also brings her baby to work makes me think that it would be very friendly to a mom… maybe not bringing baby to work all the time, but at least understanding the situation, you know?
Two more weeks until vacation. Then the last longest stretch of the year comes (March-Mid April), and then we go to Florida, and then the year-end rushes up really quickly. I can make it. I can do this.
And amidst all of the stress, the saving of money to pay taxes in April, the job anxiety, the not-yet pregnantness, I know that I am lucky. I don’t even know how to begin to comprehend the death of a baby; I look at the pictures and I can’t even process it, even the words put together seem like a foreign language: Dead Baby, and because of the enormity of the situation, I am struck speechless. I really am. But, for those of you that know what I’m talking about, I am always, always aware of my blessings in life. I truly am, I just don’t know how to address those unspeakable tragedies.
To end with joy, though, one of my dearest Digster friends is in labor, or delivering, or maybe even already a mom by now. And I am filled with happiness for her, in a way that I also cannot describe adequately.
Apparently, I am only able to deal with the generalities of the world.