I must say, I love the internet.  You know I do.

Days like today, though, the internet gives me amazing support when I open the screen, and when I want to just be alone and curl up under the layers of feathers and flannel, I can do that without making excuses or needing to explain.. I just close the screen, and hide.  To some, that may seem weird and antisocial, but it’s just right for me.

At this point, I think that I’ve either experienced a chemical pregnancy or a cyst.  I was SO GOOD about waiting to test until I was officially late, and there ARE lines on the tests, the first one broader than the second, but definitely, I got 2 lines, twice. 2 faint-as-hell lines, for sure, but they are there. I am not crazy.  Mayne they’re evap lines, but that doesn’t explain the 10 days (and counting) late period.  The only non pregnancy things that can cause that would be a chemical pregnancy (making me wonder if I had jumped the gun and tested early if I would’ve been on this train for longer) and ovarian cysts.

My doctor was really disappointing.  I waited at home for more than SIX HOURS to hear back, and when I did, it was a nurse, who had this information: "Dr. S says to wait another week and take another pregnancy test."  To which I said "What? But I had a negative blood test, yesterday, and I’m now ten days late…. I’m not even concerned about pregnancy at this point, but my period being so late and NOT being pregnant. . ."  The nurse sort of stammered and said "Well, ahh, wait a week and test again." What the fuck EVER. I really feel like my chart, the message, etc were not read thoroughly, and it pisses me off, frankly.

I’ve been sort of ho-hum about the group anyway; it’s convenient, because Dave’s doc of forever is there, and my original PCP is there, and the plan was to stay there with the DO who does "Family Practice with OB," out of convenience, mostly.  She seemed nice when I talked to her this summer, but fuck, I need to feel like my concerns are being heard.  If I were a frequent flyer, I’d be okay with a nurse brush-off, but I only ever go to the doc when I have a damn good reason to, and aside from a routine pap in August, and the cryo situation in March, I’ve been in ONCE for an office visit due to an immediate problem, until now.  I just feel like that should give me some credibility, you know?

I’m going to try to call Jess and ask her about her OB again.  She’s recommended her a million times, but I figured I was okay with the DO, but damn, I want to be called BACK. And, since it’s an OB/GYN practice, I presume that there would be well-educated nurses as well, who might be able to say "hey, you’re right, testing again in a week after a negative BETA is stupid, let me have her call you back."

Also, selfishly, I think that Jess’ practice does ultrasounds in-house, and if I do get knocked up, I could get pictures earlier. Not so much for the photo album, but I read about seeing heartbeats and think that that shit is COOL.  It’s not a matter of insurance acceptance, or being closed to new patients, so I think I need to go for it.

So, thanks internet (and real lifers who have been so supportive, too).  I appreciate it.