So, it is now day 39.5. No bleeding.
My cycles for the last five months, counting backwards, have been 36, 36, 31, 32, & 35 days. The average length is 34 days, and my longest ever has been 36 days. So, I’m late, right?
When I was cleaning out the cupboard the other day, I found 2 HPTs stashed in there, probably hidden away when my mom was visiting. They were AccuClear brand, and not the "early detection!" kind. I decided that I would pee on one this morning, just to jumpstart my period.
I had to pee starting at about 4am. (Note, I never have to pee during the night. That’s Dave’s job.) I tossed and turned, trying to hold it until I get up (about 6) but at just past 5:30, I couldn’t wait any longer. I HAD to go. I wobbled towards the bathroom, grabbed the test, peed on the stick with just the nightlight to guide me, and slid it back into the foil wrapper and threw it away. I got that last 30 minutes of sleep, and got up for the day. I hadn’t forgotten about the HPT, so I pulled it out of the trash, out of the foil wrapper, and saw . . . something.
It wasn’t a bright pink line. It didn’t whistle at me. It was a shadow where the line should be. It went from top to bottom, and was the width of the test line. But it was so, so faint that in my just waking, I had to rub my eyes and really look. But no. A hint of a line.
I took a shower, pondered, ate my oatmeal, felt sick (Oh, before getting out of bed, Dave was rubbing my belly and it was making me oogly, but I didn’t think too much about it til later) and checked again, more alert. Yep. A . . . something. Like a ghost of a line. Hrm.
I went into our room to wake Dave up.
"So, uh, I may or may not be pregnant." He sat right up. "What does that mean?"
I explained that I tested, and there was a . . . something, but it wasn’t definitive. And I read it after I should have, so it might be just. . . nothing. But it’s rare for there to be nothing and still have any hint of a line. But, just, but . . anyway, I had to tell you before I hit the internet for advice."
"If the line isn’t dark . . . does that mean there’s something wrong with the baby? If there is one?"
I laughed at him, and went to work. I posted on kvetch and Digs, looking for similar tales, and got several. I called Amy, who was really groggy, and then I got an email from her later in ALL CAPS apologizing for not quite GETTING WHAT I WAS SAYING HOLY FUCK YOU’RE PREGNANT! I decided to test again in the afternoon.
I didn’t pee or drink after noon, and we were able to leave as soon as the kids did because of a storm bearing down. I stopped at Brooks and got a 2 pack of First Response. I peed on one at about three, and there was no line. At all.
I curled up in my bed and took a nap, and woke up to Oprah’s "Miracle Babies" episode. I don’t know which is worse, admitting that I am afraid I’m not pregnant and I’m going to let the Internet down, or admitting that Celine Dion made me cry.
I posted the afternoon results on kvetch, and someone replied to say that the same thing had happened to them, faint lines in the morning, no lines in the afternoon. I’ll test again in the morning.
The negative, though, only reinforced that there WAS a line on the am test, however faint. Comparing them side by side, there is an obvious difference, and I am not completely crazy.
The reasons I might be pregnant:
- Well, there was a line.
- Longest cycle EVER
- The smell thing continues
- The boobs are sore, but they always are before my period, it’s just more extended this time.
- Queasiness
- Fatigue
The reasons I might not be:
- It could be an evap line
- It could be a chemical pregnancy
- It could be defective
- I could just be adding yet another string of days to my cycle
- I could be queasy from the anxiety of work and TTC or the flu
- Because I got too excited over a faint as hell line
I don’t know. I want to be! I really do, you know that! I’m afraid that if I’m not, I’ll feel like the girl who cried zygote. I just don’t know what I am?! ARGH.
I’ll keep you posted, but know that if it’s negative tomorrow, I’m going to feel like the biggest dumbass, ever. Sigh.
oh hon, just sending you good impregnation vibes (sometimes i feel a little weird about posting, etc. on TTC for a variety of reasons).
Er… I don’t know if you want to hear this, or if you already know it? But a chemical pregnancy means you are pregnant, only it’s not viable. There would have to be an embryo that implanted in order for the pregnancy chemical to be detected.
I was wondering whether to suggest that you ask your doctor for a quantitative blood test, not just a qualitative (yes/no) test. Because I didn’t know if you’d want to know if there was a chemical pregnancy, or not. Maybe it’s easier not to know? On the other hand, it would be a little bit of a “good” sign for the future, if something so sad can ever be said to be good, because it shows that you can get pregnant.
But listen: I’m hoping the line is just faint because it’s early, and that it’s all good news. Hang tight till the morning.
…and this time LOOK AT IT before you put it in the trash. 😉
Oh hun don’t worry about letting the internet down, we are here for ya no matter what the outcome is xxx
Oh hun dont worry about letting the internet down, we are here for ya whatever the outcome is!
holy jeez gretchen, I was worried that all that excitement was going to stress you out. Don’t let it. We mean well…and adore you!
Hope I’m not too late on this, but you have more concentrated HCG in first morning’s urine … so you could have a very faint morning line and then not enough later to pull one of. Just try again in 48 hours!