I admitted to Emma one of the things that TTC-obsession has done to me, which is to over-analyze everyt little thing. Which, you knew that about me (if you know me at all) before the TTC happened. One of the side effects, though, is that I end up on Hyperanalytical Cruise Control, and I have to work to get my rational brain to work right.
For instance, I have been bitchy and tired and headachy and pimply (new, that is) and just UUUGGGHH all week, and I have to keep reminding myself that it is NOTHING because I have not OVULATED YET.
I default to “Huh, I wonder if . . . ” even if I’m not in the 2WW. SO annoying.

On that note, I’m trying to figure out when best to use my 5 remaining OPKs. The calculators all give me ov-dates between Oct 8-13ish, so would I start tonight? Or should I wait? And when is the best time, right after school (4-ish) or before I go to bed (10-11ish)? And what if nothing shows up?

That’s me new paranoia. That I don’t ovulate AT ALL. I have all this stuff to figure out if I DO, OPKs, saliva thing (which I have to re-find from the move) and I could chart. I had started that at the old place, but the online place I was using revamped their charting tool, and I lost my info, which was all over the place because I had just quit BC. Then I moved and spent the summer waking up in a wide range of times, so I knew charting wouldn’t be cool then. I started OPKs last cycle and then we decided to wait out last month (vacation, etc) so I have the leftover for this month.

I think if nothing happens this month, I’ll try charting again. Part of me is worried that I don’t ovulate, and I’m scared to test all these factors and find out I’m right. I don’t have much reason to worry about that, except that I’m not pregnant yet, and my periods seem shorter post-BC than they were before, and I weigh more than I did when I went on BC. And I’m four years older. Damn. Maybe I do have something to worry about?

The Ann Douglas book (see the baby-o-pedia at the right) had a figure that couples in our age range were likely to conceive in 5-7 months, and this is only cycle 4 of real trying. And last cycle wasn’t REALLY trying, but a single opportune moment seized for reasons other than TTC. I’ve been off BC since, hmm, April? March? So I would think things would be regulating by now.

And, honestly? I would love to be knocked up by Christmas, so that we can once again bow out of gifting with the in-laws, because it was so nice to not have to worry about that last year. A fetus would be gift enough, wouldn’t it?

I just hope I work. I hope the whole thing works.