Two of my biggest worries about sliding into motherhood are almost total opposites of each other. I worry about suddenly having to deal with more company & attention because of the baby, and I worry about being isolated in the experience of the fourth trimester. It doesn’t make sense, really, unless you’re me. I just updated the family blog with a polite little post about our expectations regarding labor, delivery, the hospital, and postpartum visits. Basically — stay away, unless you’ve been cleared by us to come in. I’m just anxious about having to deal with inlaw advice at the same time as raging hormones and learning to figure out my baby all at the same time. I’m worried about my OWN family being too talkative or too whatever — my mom, for instance, has a problem with quiet rooms, and is always, always, talking. It drives me nuts on a good day — I can’t imagine dealing well with it as I’m trying to figure out a breastfeeding latch after a week of totally fucked sleep. ANd then, inlaws… I just don’t WANT their advice, or anyone’s really, if they haven’t gone through the process as recently as I have.
On the other hand, I am terrified of feeling isolated as a new mom. I’m really glad to have made a new-mama friend in town, who has just gone through the experience. That’s different. I’ve clicked with some of the pool people as well, and the Y is totally missing the boat in not having a postpartum group or something. We all go to the pool, get hugely pregnant, and waddle out, never to be seen again in most cases. Which, sucks!, if you find yourself clicking with someone, you know? There should be a monthly meeting after the pool class, where the now-moms can come in and show off their babies/reconnect with the other moms that scatter into the wind after they have their babies. Or, have a mailing list or something so that you can re-find these people.
So, there you go — terrified of too much advice from previous generations, and terrified of not enough advice from 2006 new moms. So twisted. I definitely feel like I’m making headway on the isolation fears, I visited the new friend and held her smily little girl today before the pool class (so weird! I’m going to have one of those!) and a girl from the pool (not one that I necessarily clicked with, but due just 2weeks ahead of me) asked for my email address to um, invite me to a makeup party…. which I will probably try to attend, just because it’s a CONNECTION. (But yeah, makeup, hah. Not even on my RADAR of things I might spend money on…)
In other news, I’m feeling pretty good. Physically, I haven’t really felt too BAD throughout this experience. I had a bad night and day last week, but it passed. I really have been more frustrated by the way my mind has been affected by pregnancy, more than my body. I still feel stupid, I feel like it takes me twice as long to be half as intelligent as I once was. I’m hitting the red raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil, two homeopathic uterus/cervix toners/softeners that have no negative effects (unlike, say, castor oil, which I will NOT be trying) and may have some positive effects. The ultrasound is on Friday, along with another internal exam, and it would be pretty nice to hear that something has changed up in there, and that the u/s shows a regular sized baby that doesn’t need to be forcibly removed.
The hospital bags are packed, like, really PACKED, and my sister made it home to the lake yesterday, and there are only two more days of partial childcare issues regarding Amy’s availability to make it up here. I am reaaadddy. So I’ll probably be 2 weeks late.
You’re funny and sweet at the same time. I hear you. I don’t want my mom in the delivery room–if and when, you know. But, I can handle my sisters.
I actually dreamed about you and that you were so pregnant and all you could do is fart and look at the rest of us at the table with a look like “hey, I’m about to pop!”
I understand the isolation thing. I haven’t even met any new mommas. Hopefully it all works out ok and you get just enough of what you need from those around you.
Oh, and don’t get your hopes up for dialation b/c I want to smack my dr. when he checked today (39 weeks) and NOTHING!!!! This is ‘normal’ for first timers. *sighs* I’m so ready to pop and being induced Tuesday isn’t coming soon enough!
I hear you on both being overwhelmed by visitors and the isolation. You are light years ahead of me for even thinking about it ahead of time.
I hoping for a freebie cm or two for you!
I wish I’d thought of wanting new-mom friends who were close to my delivery date. I have two good friends that are new mothers, and each is about three months out (one in each direction). It got me through a lot, but I also wished I could talk to someone with a perspective a bit closer to mine.
On the bright side, I personally found that being a brand-new mom trying to get a good latch with her kid allowed me to tell people to shut up and go away a lot more easily than I normally would. And they didn’t mind! It was magic.
Good luck to you, as always…
Is there a Birth-to-3 group in your area? My mom always talks about what a difference that made for her, because you end up in a group of people who had babies within about a 3-month period, so you all go through things around the same time and understand what the experience is like. She said it was such a huge relief to know she wasn’t crazy or a bad mom, not knowing what to do sometimes, and that having the support of other people with the same age of baby was a real boon.