Grocery shopping at Hannaford yesterday, a woman waiting in line (IN LINE, that’s important) answered her cell phone.  Now, I don’t know if it was on the walkie-talkie setting, or just high volume, or if the person calling was just a loud person, but she was. LOUD. So loud my first thought was "geez, hope she doesn’t say something embarrassing . . ."

Friend on Phone (FOP): HEY! DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING AT MY HOUSE?

StoreLady(SL): No, I don’t think so, why?

FOP: ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN’T LEAVE SOMETHING IN MY BATHROOM?

SL:  Uhhhhhhh

FOP: YOU SHIT IN MY BATHROOM AND DIDN’T FLUSH! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

OH. MY. GOD. You have to understand, by the time I heard the punchline, I was halfway down the aisle that runs perpendicular to the fish cases. I was LIGHT YEARS away, and heard. every. word.  And the lady was IN LINE. IN LINE!!! So you know everyone there heard, there would be NO way around it. I was quivering in horror by the pickles, just out of sympathetic mortification on behalf of the lady who just wanted to get some haddock. Seriously. This is why my golden rule of cell phones is "just because it’s ringing, doesn’t mean you have to answer it." Goddamn.