No, really. It is.  I’m getting lots of phone calls from relatives and such, offering their prayers or their sympathies, and all in a very concerned tone, but I’m really feeling okay now.  I know that my body is doing what it needs to, and I trust that it makes the right decisions.  I actually feel BETTER than I did before, because my intuition was so strong, I felt like a fraud being excited, almost, because under the excitement was this voice saying "Nuh uh, not gonna happen."  To KNOW that I was right, and to not have to pretend anymore? It’s a great relief, honestly.  I have always trusted my intuition, and the energy I have now that I am not trying to convince myself that EVERYTHING IS OKAY every fine minutes is … well, nice, honestly.

I enjoyed visiting with Amy and Dawn; Amy cleaned my kitchen this morning, and then we all went to breakfast and I had a delicious belgian waffle.  We went shopping, where I convinced Amy to buy her first pair of Dansko clogs, and where Amy bought me my miscarriage gift, the onesie, pants, cardigan, hat and booties from this line at the Children’s Place.  The color I got was celadon, and exactly matches the nursery, so we joked that it’s camouflage for any possible baby snatchers.  Put the kid in the green stuff and lean ‘er against the wall, and no one will know she’s there.  As Amy said. "you WILL be a mother soon, and you need to remember that." So, yay on cute outfits!  Also, yay on finding where I can get Robeez locally.

In a nutshell, I’m not devastated. I’m bummed.  Yesterday, I was more devastated feeling, but today, not so much.  Like I said, I didn’t even know this ball of cells yet.  The image on the ultrasound was of a shadowy gray bean, nothing humanoid about it, no discernable head or body or anything, just a clump of gray.  I may have felt differently if it did look more fetal, but it didn’t.  I’m prepared for my body to continue doing its job, and I’m just waiting for the bleeding to start on its own.  I’ll worry about work later.