April 6 | gretchen says

April 6 has always been a weird day for me. When I was 18, 11 years ago, I was at my first college, and April 6 was a rainy, miserable day. I had been seeing a shrink, I was on Paxil, but it wasn’t helping. It was bad. April 6 was the worst day yet. I can remember what I was wearing: a purple and green plaid shirt from the Gap, that came from Amy, that came from someone else to her. Levis. The dark ones. My black buckle shoes.

I ended up in a psych hospital because of that day. It was bad.

So, April 6 is a day for reflection for me. Six years ago, I was standing in front of the Twelve Apostles in Australia to reflect. Some years, I called in sick to work, just to check in with myself and make sure I was still feeling alive. Every year, it is a day that I pause to think.

You know, I really thought I was out this month. I had (secretly, because I was embarrassed to publicize this) taken a FRED on Friday that was negative. I took one on Monday afternoon, after a calculated disruption of fluid intake and urination. Both were negative, as negative as can be.

Yesterday I was at a conference all day. I limited myself to going to the bathroom every hour on the hour, because i was certain I would start any minute, especially since I had no tampons on me. I didn’t start.

Last night, I broke up with FRED and bought a 2-pack of the Clearblue Easy Early Results test. CBE had made me happy with their OPKs, so I decided what the hell. This morning, April 6, I peed on it, and started the water for my shower. I looked, and thought I saw a + forming, but I thought I might be just overly hopeful. In the shower, I raced through, not shaving, just shampoo and conditioner and soap. I grabbed my towel and got out.

Yep. +

No "well, maybe . . ." about it. It was positive.

I went into the bedroom, and fished the Misfits onesie from the dresser. It had been there since August. I laid it on the pillow next to Dave’s head, and he blinked his eyes open.

"That’s a really small Misfits shirt . . . . what is that about?"

"Well, it’s not for the cat, that’s for sure. How do you feel about a December baby?" That woke him up.

He looked at the test. "It’s kind of faint." (I think he expected two blue marker dark lines.) And this is were CBE really earns their keep: instead of illustrations of positives, there are PHOTOGRAPHS. And I pointed them out and said "see? right there. That’s a positive. You don’t get that vertical line without the pregnancy hormone."

I called Amy on the way to work, and had Daed tell her. "COME DOWN! Can’t you get a sub??" Since I’m NOT going back, and I DO have a ton of sick time, I went in to school and said "Oh, I am SO ILL, I thought I could make it [martyr!] but I just CAN’T." Two hours later, I’m on Daed’s computer in Amy’s house, waiting for her to get back from Rowan’s therapy appointment.

Holy fuck. I’m pregnant. April 6 has a whole new meaning now.

28 thoughts on “April 6”

holy cow! the curse of the april sixth ends forever!

28 thoughts on “April 6”

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