Today, I had to figure out what book I would teach next in my math class.  I was thinking about jumping out of sequence and getting a probability unit in before the state tests in the spring, and was encouraged to do so, but was hesitant because the sequencing of my program is deliberate, and it’s working so far.  Then it hit me: I was trying to teach to the test.  Fuck that shit.  If I get to the probability unit, great.  But I’m not going to sacrifice the scaffolding built into the program in hopes that it makes my school ‘look good’ on the probability stuff.  Since the sequence of the books always draws on past knowledge, it would be looking for information that they wouldn’t have had yet, and I’m not going to do that to my kids. 

One of the things I was worried about was that I was just making excuses for not liking teaching.  That maybe I should just buck up and not be so miserable; after all, I’ve had worse jobs.  But this vacation has only reinforced my feelings on what’s going on not only in my school, but in my state.  And, to various extents, the country.  I got my union newspaper over the break, and I only picked it up to read it yesterday.  There were at least 5 pages (of maybe 12 total) that were about teachers leaving the profession at a faster rate, and earlier age, than ever before.  There were several pieces on young teachers putting in a few years, and then moving on out.  I talked to Andy today and found out that a mutual friend, who teaches a foreign language at a private high school, is also packing it up.  It’s just not worth it to a lot of people anymore.

My parents have been telling me for years now, "you’re too smart to teach."  (This, from my mom, a 35 year teaching vet… who retired early because she saw what was coming.)  That sounds incredibly snooty, but it’s true.  I’m too smart to teach.  The teachers that are leaving are good people who can get a job anywhere else.  The ones who stay, or join the profession, are the ones like my student teacher this year, who needed me to remind her of the difference between "urban and rural" and who wasn’t sure how to determine when words like ‘water’ were a noun or a verb. I am not fucking kidding.  People who read my old journal over the last several years, and followed along as I returned to the university and finished my degree remember the horror stories I shared of my fellow students not knowing how to locate a book in a library, or use basic grammar. It’s awful.  And those are the morons  that are going to be left to teach kids as the intelligent people say "Know what? I can follow orders someplace else for a lot more money, and not be held liable for the future of America at the end of the day."

I love my grad program.  I’m heading for higher ground with it, and trying to keep out of the clutches of NCLB, the asinine assessment system, and teaching to the test.  I’ve gotten what I needed from my two years.  I have several thousand dollars in loans that have been forgiven, simply because I taught in Maine.  I’ll have 1/3 of graduate degree completed, free of charge, by way of tuition reimbursement.  My medical reimbursement allowance means that Dave’s deductions for our health insurance are more like a tax free addition to our savings account.  And, I will have 2 years of experience in the classroom, which will give me the credibility that I need (and want) for my ultimate goal of consulting on tech projects for K-12 schools. 

The last day of school, we scored assessments (of course!) and I was helping my coworkers figure out what was plagiarism and what wasn’t.  (Hint: ‘Penultimate’ is not part of a low-average middle schooler’s vocabulary. And if it was, it probably wouldn’t be spelled correctly.)  A few of my colleagues were commenting on how ‘good’ I am with technology, and that I should be doing THAT instead. Some didn’t even realize that that IS what I’m working toward, and when I explained it, they were remarking on what a good consultant I would be; how they could see me being really effective in explaining tech integration to teachers.

It made me feel good; I was recognized at being good at what I want to do with my life. That, and hearing all these other stories of teachers who are backing away from the profession because of what it has turned into, reminded me that I am making the right choice.  I feel badly for the kids who will deal with the Stupid Teachers, but the smart ones are going to find other work, easily, and probably make more money in the long run.  The old adage "those who can’t, teach" is going to, sadly, apply to a lot of teachers.

All of that aside, I am really dreading going back to school tomorrow.  I have 7 weeks until my next vacation*, and it won’t come soon enough. Argh.

*Yes, there are lots of vacations, summers off, etc, but even that doesn’t make it worth it.  Wrap your head around that notion.