I’ve been dreaming for months that I wake up, stumble to the bathroom, pee delicately (ha!) on a magic wand, and have a Lifetime Movie moment where I see 2 pink lines. (I just typoed that as "pink pines" which would be really funny, to throw back the curtains and find that 2 of our dozen or so pine trees have gone pink. Heh.)

This month, though, in the first month of "it ain’t nevah gonna happen!" paranoia, I’ve been dreaming about getting my period.  I’ve had that dream several times, that I wake up to the familiar cramping and totter off to deal with the thing I’ve dealt with every month for the last 16 years.

Last night, the dream was that I was pregnant, or I had told people I was or something, and I was going into labor.  This set off a chain reaction of informing people: my class was writing "Go, Mrs S!" on the whiteboard, cousins form far away were renting minivans to get here, my parents were trying to get to town, it was a big deal.  I went to the hospital to be ‘checked’ and when i got there, I realized "Whoops! Just starting my period, I’m not pregnant after all!" and I thought "Hrm, why did I think I was? Did someone tell me I was?"  I was embarrassed, because, DUH, I should know the difference between 10 months of pregnancy and a bad menstrual cramp, and people were pissed off that I had dragged them away from what they were doing for my "false alarm."

I woke up, very confused, and realized that no, I had not started my period (but, like the pink lines dreams of months previous, it was SO real) and yes, it was almost 9 am.  And that is how I started my day: relieved to know I wasn’t a dumbass that had claimed labor pains without every actually being PREGNANT and not bleeding.