Aaahhh, a middle-level retreat was just what the doctor ordered. I spent the last two days and nights at the mountain, being validated that my ideas are what’s best for kids. If only the school saw it that way. I pinpointed my feelings: I feel just as I did after seeing Fahrenheit 9/11. Yes, the current state of affairs is creepy and wrong and I don’t like it one bit, but I’m not crazy for thinking that. I spent some time talking to the president of the sponsoring organization about my current situation, and she heard that I was discouraged and ready to flee, and kept saying “There is a school out there for you, keep looking. You’re in the wrong place.” Something to think about.

So, I’m home, warm and cozy in my little house with the big yard and the great husband. Some Signs: Physiological behind the cut. that may seem a wee bit TMI.

I did buy the fish-teether on cj’s suggestion, and I slipped it into my coat pocket. You know, I’m really glad I did. Sure, I’m still in the hopeful & optimistic phase of TTC, but to be able to reach into my pocket and feel that little piece of molded plastic is nice. It helps ease my mind, almost. If I start to worry about the nausea I’m feeling, or mentally counting the days until anything could mean anything, I slip my hand in my pocket and almost transfer my thoughts away from my head, and refocus on Everything Else I need to think about. It’s a pocket of hope, of tangibility, that is reassuring. Like a modern day worry stone, or something. I like it.

One of the things this week was some — illness — I had. Let me start by saying I DON’T THROW UP. That’s a general rule for me, so when I say “sick” I don’t mean “puke.” FYI.

I started getting sick on Tuesday afternoon, during lunch. This horrible rumblyness started, and I kept making my way to the staff bathroom. It was unpleasant, and strange. UNUSUAL. That’s all I’m sayin’.

The unusualness was present in a small way in Wednesday, but Thursday morning I woke up with a horrible case of UNUSUALNESS. It woke me up, and caused me great distress. I finally got in the shower, but had to get out twice because of the sickness. Ooooh, it was unpleasant. It came in big waves. It SUCKED.

When I got dressed, I felt like crap. But, my eyes didn’t hurt, and I didn’t feel feverish, which are two of my typical cold/flu/sickness symptoms. And, I felt almost instantly better after eating a bowl of oatmeal.

Today, I woke up fine, with bouts of butterflies during the day, but nothing compared to the turkey vultures of Tuesday-Thursday. The whole reason this is mentioned is because of Amy, who, through phone calls and email first described the UNUSUALNESS of the situation without me mentioning it and also said this: “Just so you know, not sure how YOUR body works, but my little [sickness] spells only lasted a couple of days after implantation. Then it was just kind of overall YUCK, BLAH feeling. . .then shortly after the tits started to hurt.”

Do I even have to tell you that I’m grabbing the boobs every few minutes just to see if they hurt yet? ARGH.