Teaching middle school can be challenging. But I love it.

Yesterday, something happened at lunch that carried over into math, and a few of my 8th graders were just out of control, in a silly way. I couldn’t figure out WHAT had happened, one of my (favorite)girls, we’ll call her Caitlin, and one of my (favorite) boys, Geoffrey seemed to be the most affected. I couldn’t figure it out, math groupings were shot all to hell because Cailtlin and Geoffrey were in the same group and refusing to work with each other. When study hall rolled around, I decided to find out what happened.

I called Geoffrey out into the hall.

“WHAT is going on? What’s the deal?”

“NOthing. Nothing’s wrong.” He looked like he really wanted to get back into the classroom.

“Just tell me, I need to know what was so huge that it meant you couldn’t participate in math.”

“NOTHING, Mrs. S, I mean it. Nothing. Can I go back in?”

I shooed him in the door, stuck in my head and caught Caitlin’s eye. “Your turn!”

She came out and I closed the door behind her.

“Okay, Caitlin, I just talked to Geoffrey, and now I want to hear YOUR version of what happened at lunch.”

She looked at me, mouth agape. “WHAT!! He TOLD YOU! ? I am going to kill him.” She started to try to get in, and I held the door firmly.

She crossed her arms and looked at me, studied my face. “What did he tell you?”

“Look, what Geoff and I discussed is between us. I just want to get BOTH sides of the story.”

She shifted her weight back and forth, chewed on her tongue ring. “He didn’t say anything, did he?”

I smiled and said, “What he told me is confidential. What you tell me is confidential. I just want to make sure everything’s cool for math tomorrow.”

“So he told you about the paper clip?” She still wasn’t sure.

“What’s your version?” I asked, slightly relieved that the crux of the drama was a paper clip. It’s middle school, after all. It could be a paper clip, or it could be an inappropriately touched body part, you know?

“Well, he was chewing on a paper clip I guess, and he set it on the table, and I thought it was mine {they all have these weird tiny clothespin paper clips this week, and it helps to know that both kids are very oral — they chew the shit out of everything.} so I picked it up and put it in MY mouth, and then Sean said ‘Hey, Caitlin and Geoffrey just made out!’ and we totally didn’t, but Sean said that because we swapped spit that counted as making out!”

Keep in mind, I LOVE these kids. I do. And I’m pretty sure they KNOW that; this is my second year with them, and we know each other pretty well. So, the whole conversation was all in good spirits, I just needed to know.

As soon as she finished, I started to smile. And laugh a little.

“MRS. S! He didn’t tell you anything did he! DID HE!?”

Her outrage (while smiling, because she knew she’d been had at this point, or was pretty sure) cracked me up. She was laughing too, “I’m so embarrassed! I can’t believe I told you that!!!”

Then she stood back, put one hand on her hip and pointed the index finger of her other hand straight at me.

“YOU SHOULD BE A LAWYER.”

Then I lost it. Full on laughing, with tears. She spun on her heel, threw open the door and said “GEOFFREY!! You didn’t tell her ANYTHING, DID YOU? He looked a little startled at the scene, both of us laughing, me crying, and Caitlin embarrassed that she told me, and embarrassed that I got her to tell me.

“Mrs S, you are NOT my favorite teacher anymore.”

Typing it out, I sound like a mean old bitch. Trust me, though, when I tell you it was okay. Both of these kids like me, like my sense of humor, and are always talking to me about their personal lives. This morning, when Caitlin came in, I pulled her aside and said “I’m sorry if you were embarrassed, but you and Geoff were acting SO strange, I had to make sure that you were both safe, that nothing bad-bad happened at lunch, okay?”

She just laughed and said “Oh, I know. But you can’t use that trick on me again!”

Love ’em. I do.