On testing:

So, since today could be the first day of a missed period, or six days before the first day of my period, I tested yesterday, and got no second line. Obviously. I only tested early because it was Dave’s birthday, and I needed to know if I should include the Misfits attire with his gift. I did not.

Testing is F’ed up. I tested once or twice in the past, back when I was THRILLED to get one line, but now it’s all about peering at the stick, looking, desperately, for that second line to show up. It’s like Magic Eye books, “maybe if I relax my eyes a bit, I’ll see it. Maybe I’m looking too hard.” But, if it’s not there it’s not there. It doesn’t mean you won’t fish it out of the wastecan later that night, just to see, just to make sure it didn’t form while you were working, or that you were too tired to see the line.

And testing is expensive, yo. Basically, expect each test to cost 5 bucks. Expect each negative test to feel like you’ve pulled a fiver out of your wallet, peed on it, and flushed it away. Because that’s what you’re doing. Unless you’re one of those steel-minded people, who can wait, and wait, and wait for their period to be REALLLLY late before they test, you will literally piss money away while trying to conceive. I could never REALLLY wait; because just when I’m convinced I should, or that I will, I read on some internet forum “AF was due in three days, but I tested anyway and got a BFP! WHOO!” and you think “that moron who can’t even spell the word ‘healthy’ found out early, why can’t I?” And, well, because that would be too easy.

So, now I have a schedule. My cycle last month, as mentioned, was a week longer than normal. That “Get 25% more cycle days, FREE! with any purchase of a multipack of HPTs!” bonus of last month mean that I would either start/not start today, or, anytime until next Friday. Or longer, if my body is really screwing with me. My schedule is this, all contingent on lack of bleeding of course, I’m not THAT nuts, yet:

* I will test tomorrow. Again, only for sentimental reasons — we are going home for the weekend, kate and pete are here from Colorado, and we are going to celebrate my parent’s anniversary/Dave’s birthday, both of which were yesterday, and it would be cool to tell them while we were together.**

* If it is negative, and I am still not bleeding, I will probably test on Thursday or Friday, as my sister leaves on Friday, and we wouldn’t be all together, but I would get to tell her in person. (she knows we are TTC, rest of my family has NO IDEA. Hah.)

* If it is still negative, I will do a line of cocaine***, and test on Sunday. Such reckless behavior would CERTAINLY result in a positive test, don’t you think?

So, in a nutshell, I have a long week ahead o’ me. Yay.

**I don’t plan on telling people right away, except for my immediate family (and not Dave’s.) If something were to go horribly wrong, I would want them to know that, too. And I’m threatening them, if I have to tell them, that if THEY get all verbose about it, I will never tell them anything again. It would basically be Dave, family, Internet. And in months and months, I’d tell work and Dave’s family.

***Oh, ferfucksake, I’m kidding. You know that.