So, in my day off, I updated the Babyopedia (link at right) with some of the info that I’d been reading since I found out I was pregnant, and miscarriage, and all of that.  New sections for father stuff, and for miscarriage.  Hopefully, I end up adding more to one of those sections than the other.

I’m feeling okay — I have been told that it’s not uncommon to nest before passing the embryo, and boy, did I nest.  I cleaned the shower, sure, but did I mention that I also took apart the drain and cleaned that too? And that after I cleaned the shower, I filled it up with bleach and hot water and let it soak, and then drained it again?

You know, seeing this pattern in retrospect (and the comparisons to labor are one of a pattern, and not pain) it makes me feel very animal-like.  We humans are at the top of the food chain, and keep other animals as pets, but we forget sometimes that we are one of the animal species, too.  And my need to clean the DRAIN of my tub (which involves using a philips screwdriver AND a flathead screwdriver, by the way) was some sort of animal instinct to make sure that room was ready for today, even though it was just a glob of cells, even though I thought it was gone two weeks ago, my body knew better.  I wasn’t done yet.

The weather here has been miserable since I started bleeding heavily.  It feels odd that I would have had all this bleeding during all of this rain.  It has rained every single day since I started to bleed red, every day.  And it’s supposed to be sunny tomorrow, and I wonder if my bleeding will stop when the sun comes out, if the high pressure  system will dry me up and let me move on.  The biggest part is over now, I know that for sure.  And as terrified and scared and sad I was to see that, I was also a little amazed that it had ever existed, that we had managed to get the cells to join up and divide to become someTHING.  I can’t imagine what it will be like when we have an actual baby, but I look forward to it.