So, I’ve been using Wesabe and loving it, and today I was tagging stuff from Dave’s checking, and came across something so out there, that I knew it was an error. I was so sure it was an error, I called the credit union first, to report fraud.

See, back around my birthday, when we were at the lake, Dave mentioned buying a subscription from a door-to-door salesman. Coincidentally, I had JUST read a NYT article talking about the nightmare that is door-to-door magazine sales, so I was like "NO!" But, he said, he just got some Disney Adventure magazine to help whatever (madeup, I’m sure) charity the kid was pitching. So when I saw a check that said "SIXTY-FIVE DOLLARS AND NO CENTS" I was so totally sure that the salesman had penned in a "6" and "SIXTY" that I literally called the CU first. I tried calling Dave, who was home sick today, but he never answered, and the CU needed him to verify that he hadn’t written the check. "Oh, he will, I know he wouldn’t have ordered that."

Yeah.

I was wrong.

OMMFG. Seriously. I just ordered five mag subscriptions (because I do love a good magazine) that totalled less than 40 bucks, by going through a discount service (which I’ve done before). If I’d decided that Ingrid needed a "wacky and exciting monthly magazine focuses on fun and
action-packed adventure covering the world of entertainment, real-life,
comics, sports, technology, and weird science." you know, that is for "children age seven to 14," I’d have bought it online, for $4.45. Not 3 years of Disney Advertising, sorry, ADVENTURES, for SIXTYMOTHERFUCKINGFIVE DOLLARS.  OR! I’d have bought two years of Babybug, but when I was buying the mags recently, I thought Babybug might be better next year, so I got "Wild Animal Baby" instead, since WAB is 1/3 the price of Babybug.

Evenbetter, just LAST NIGHT we were talking about money, and Dave was questioning how much I spend at Target, and I had to remind him that TARGET is where I buy our TARGET diapers, and TARGET wipes and TARGET toilet paper, etc. So, yeah, I do go to Target regularly, but it’s not like I’m buying silly shoes or something. The crow is being served on a silver platter, tonight, for sure.

I mean, I know I’m lucky that the things that have made me most angry with my husband in seven years are limited to two, and both were done with the best intentions: "Wetsanding the plaster in the hall will be quicker, and not expose my very pregnant wife to harmful dust for as long!" and "Ingrid likes books and will like a magazine and this guy is trying to earn money to go to college to help burn victims!" But still. SIXTYFIVE DOLLARS. AND, I will be very surprised if we EVER even SEE a copy of Disney Adventures, based on the pages of google results for the company he made the check out to.

Thank god it’s the weekend. I brought my pretty MBP home to play with. Yay!

Having a little brain space on vacation, it being a non-vacation vacation, where we just plan by the day and not the week, has me thinking of little things I need to start doing (again, for many of them).

#1, I need to get back on my Synthroid. I was really diligent about it when I was trying get, and trying to stay, pregnant, and even after Ingrid was born, it was really easy to take with one of her night wakings, because it lived on my nightstand with a water bottle, and I would get up and go to her. But, the water bottle is gone, and her wakings are such now that when she does, Dave fetches her and I barely escape sleep to nurse her. Taking a pill doesn’t happen.  And, because of the way you need to take it, on an empty stomach, finding a new window is important, but I think that "right when I get home from work" will be good. I am not one that can put off breakfast, I am a Breakfast Person. I get up, pee, and eat cereal, every day. So, Synthroid. I am definitely feeling the lack of it, I’m tired, bloated, dry, all of the usual….

#2, I need to get more exercise into my life. Bellydancing is one thing, but aside from that, I’m really hesitant to do more scheduled-after-work stuff. That’s when I see Ingrid, you know? I’m going to take some sneakers to work, I think, and try to walk the circle (it’s a mile) at least 3x a week. Small goals, even a little exercise is better than none, right?

#3, I want to start saving more money at ING. I could get much better interest than with our CU, and I just need to get over the "if I’m not putting in $200 with every paycheck, it’s not worth it" mindset that i seem to have. Even $50. or $20. Just sending some that way with every check, so it’s out of sight, out of mind. (Before anyone panics, I already send 10% pretax to my 403b, as does Dave.)

those are the big ones. I’ll have to update in a month or so and see how I did.

Just looking around.

Yep. I bought Crocs. Now, I typically don’t like shoes that are Big and will make my feet look BIGGER (I’m a 9.5) and regular crocs have been totally unappealing to me, because they could be used in the event of a water landing, they look that huge. (And, I’m a Dansko fan, so that’s saying something.) But my 10 dollar flips from last summer are starting to stiiiiink, so I’ve been in the market for just some sort of shoe, and there I was, at Dick’s, and the crocs called to me… I didn’t get the regular ones, but instead a pair of black maryjanes, which are actually kind of… cute. I saved the receipt, of course, figuring Dave would be able to help me decide if they were passable or if I was just high, and he thought they were cute, too. (Even cuter were the orange kids’ crocs, but uh, they were huuuuge on Ingrid, who is mostly barefoot these days, but still not even fitting into 6-12 month Robeez/Fauxbeez. And she was known in the hospital as "the one with the [big] feet!")

I also made my first-ever "Oh, I’ll get these on sale in a bigger size for next summer" purchases, 2 sleepers from the children’s place (only place I could find cotton, zippered, footed sleepers in bigger sizes this year) for $4 a piece, and a carter’s sunsuit in turquoise, lime, and brown for 5 bucks at Sears.  Ingrid did well in her stroller, only the second or third time she’s gone shopping with me like that. Mostly because I never go to the mall, and Target has carts (or I wrap her…) either way, she did great, got pretty tired at the end, and was head-lollingly asleep in the car before we even got to Stillwater.

But, that nap apparently was when she dreamed of what it’s like to STAND ALONE, since she started doing that when she woke up! Whoa. At first, it was "I’ll crawl over to mama and pull up and let go with this hand…. and…. this….. hand… holyfuckI’mstandingupholyshit!"  For like, 10 seconds. Then it stretched to more like 30 seconds. And today, I was able to just sort of set her down on her feet, and she stood in place — the last stretch was more like a minute, and she was turning to look at me, and then turning back to wave at herself in the mirror, so. that seems like a rapidly advancing sense of balance, to me. SO CRAZY. She also had an explosion of communication, suddenly totally GETTING the "more" sign, and saying "Muh?" while signing, as well as "all done" (but no words) which is pretty impressive, since the baby sign has been a home thing, and not a daycare one (though, we’re apparently going to get a parent survey thing, and that will be on the TOP of my wishlist. Sort of late for Ing, but I’ve worked in a childcare that did baby sign, and it was AWESOME to watch…) She’s done the "nurse" sign (milk) for a while, but that sometimes morphs into a hi/bye sign, and sometimes I wonder if she sees it as "hi/bye MOM" or "hi/bye, I’m going with my MOM now" because of the context. But she also mimics, and both Dave and I swear we heard her say "more blueberry" ("Muh buhbuhee" and gesturing wildly at the fridge where the blueberries live…) but we couldn’t get her to repeat it. She has Mama and Dada/Daddy down pretty well, already.

Anyway, weird, having this little creature standing in the middle of a room, and telling me when she’s hungry in a way other than "she’s cranky, oh, hey! look at the time…"

We have our vacation week next week, and we have no plans, so we’re making them. One thing we’ve come up with is to take Ingrid to daycare for the day, and have a grownup day — go to the movies, out to lunch, spend some time at home (*cough*) — just take advantage of NOT having to pay for a sitter. Depending on the movies showing that week, we might even do it TWICE. We also plan to take Ingrid to the city pool (which is freakin’ fabulous) and to the coast, and maybe do some house project (though, sadly, at this stage that would be like "unearth dining room table and consider eating at it.")

Work tomorrow. Woot! Wish I could wear my new shoes….

Yeah, so, I’m all 32 now. My birthday was celebrated with lobster and cake, always a good thing, and I got a check from my parents with express instructions to "not use it on bills" but to treat myself to something. Two years ago, even a year ago, that would be easy, really. But today? I got out of work early, went to several stores, and came home with a baby swing, a baby pool, and seriously contemplated a new baby stroller. Nothing for me. I mean, I did just get the new phone, and the flickr account, so there’s THAT, but still. I can’t believe I don’t know how to shop for ME anymore. I’m not a clotheshorse, or a Shoe Person, and I’ve never had, nor had interest in, manicures or pedicures or massages, all those typical ‘pampered mom’ treats.  I am going to spend 20 bucks on an expansion card for my phone, and I’d considered a Flip, but my phone’s camera quality is about the same, I think (see ingrid’s new blog for samples, including her saying what a monster says) so the expansion card will cover that need.

Anyone want to live vicariously? If you had 50, 100, 200 bucks… what would YOU treat yourself to?

Dave left with her about 15 minutes ago. I’ve been crying for about 45. This. Sucks.

I mean, we did a lot more for her than most people would, spent about 4-500 to save her the week before we bought our house, and treated her diabetes for almost a year, including twice daily shots and food that cost more than 40 bucks a bag. Plus, all the cleaning up after her as of late. I have to remind myself that a lot of people wouldn’t invest that much time and money into an old cat, so we really did do right by her. But to have to say goodbye to a cat that still jumps up and settles into next to you, purring, is so, so hard.

I keep trying to think of pros: We can wear black again! My allergies will improve a thousand percent! I’ll neverhave to lint roll the furniture again! But I’ll also never have FK snuggle up next to me with her heart-shaped spot on her face, or see Ingrid positively explode whenever the cat came near. We aren’t getting another, maybe when Ingrid is older, if she wants a pet, we will, but not now. It just sucks.

We’re off in, oh, fuck, 7 hours? Wish me luck. I have one suitcase to check, gatechecking the stroller and carseat, carrying on a backpack and Ingrid. I was hoping that because both flights were operated by Comair, that I wouldn’t need to switch terminals, but nope, hafta use the bus. Which then means that I’ll be the one with Ingrid in the wrap on the front of me, pushing a stroller with a carseat in it, with a backpack either on me or the stroller. Hooo doggy. And then I have to do all that PLUS a suitcase to the rental car. Um, yeah. Either way, tomorrow at this time I’ll be hanging out with Kate. Yay!

Oh, right, and getting ready for some “work” thing.

(Yeah, one of the big attractions near our suburban conference center and hotel is the NASCAR museum. And a museum for fine china. Quite a juxtaposition.)

I don’t want to write about work too much, but it’s going really well. Job is great, and I have work friends, which is also great. It was really highlighted when my officemate (my office is a bug cube within an office) was gone for Thursday and Friday, and I had no one to IM with, especially since JEANNE had to go get her ass employed. AHEM. Anyway, yes, there is IM in my office, and that is good.

Anyway, my officemate and I were talking Ikea this afternoon, and I’m seriously tempted to do a day trip to the hallowed blue and yellow halls/meandering pathways this summer, especially if I have someone to go with. It would be far too long a haul for Ingrid, for one day, and obviously Dave probably wouldn’t go if Ingrid didn’t, and now that Ingrid can for long stretches without nursing (though she still nurses) it would be totally feasible.

So, Boston area people — what else is near the Ikea? I doubt we’d go into the city — hello, that’s what the train is for! — but maybe there’s other stuff We Don’t Have Here near the Ikea. Oh, Ikea. I want to be in you. ESPECIALLY now that I have a kid; my one voyage to the place with AnneMarie was pre-baby (and between pregnancies) and I was flying so I didn’t really buy much, and then I kicked myself for not buying stuff and just giving annemarie money to mail it for me. Because, of course, Ikea has the woooorst website, and anything I’d want (looking for textiles and kid stuff at this point) they don’t sell online, the bastards.

Ikea. Yum.

We still haven’t picked a date for the cat; currently she’s curled up next to me, purring, while I drink a beer and surf the web and wait for Dave to get home. (Telethon day, so y’all know how fun THOSE days are for him…) It’s hard, it’s just the litterbox issue, and it’s just on the concrete in the basement, so Dave keeps cleaning it up and saying “we need to figure out when” but then not having the conversation. As much as *I* love FatKitty, he’s had her for 12 years, and she’s been his constant companion through everything, you know? He spared her 12 years ago — he and a girlfriend picked her out as a kitten, and when they broke up, the gf showed up at his door and said “you take the cat, or I put her to sleep” and that was 12 years ago — and he feels incredibly guilty that she’s really not in PAIN, but she isn’t continent, and that’s why he’s stalling. if she were in pain, or crisis, or peeing on the beds or something, it would be easier, I think, but it’s not. Anyway. We know our time with FK is limited, and we’re loving her up as best we can, and taking lots of pictures.

Lighter things:

Our dishwasher was recalled, so we bought a new one, and it was delivered yesterday. Tom is going to come over to help Dave install it, nice little barter situation, and I’m ridiculously excited to have an EnergyStar dishwasher with the deep-tiered top rack and a towerless wash system. Ours was 8 years old, and while I’m pretty sure ours wouldn’t have burst into flames, it was a good time to upgrade and conserve energy.

I also ordered Dave’s father’s day gift today. For a week or more, I’ve been putting together a Shutterfly photo book of all the photos of he and Ingrid I’ve taken and deemed printworthy (because I only print maybe 15% of what I take) and it ended up being 53 pages. I was feeling a little apprehensive about paying 50 bucks for the book, but it was 20% off, and I know he’d love it. Before I ordered, though, I clicked a link for some sweepstakes on shutterfly, figuring they already have my info, what the hell… and I didn’t win a camera, but I got a “consolation prize” code, and when I plugged it in, holy shit! Free photo book! Exactly like the one I’d toiled over, secretly, all week! It was a free 20 page one, so I still had to pay for the extra pages, but I still got the 20% off, and it made it less than half the price I was getting ready to pay. I heart Shutterfly. Plus, I can play every day! (And could’ve been playing for days already, dammit!)

Ingrid and I went to Target today, hung out around the house and played in the yard. She is becoming such a toddler — running away from me, which is totally comical… she’s crawling fast, but because she takes such tiny ‘steps’ forward when she crawls, it’s like watching someone running in place on fast forward or something. Great fun. She’s learning to throw, which is fun — she will get her block bucket, take each block and throw it, then go collect the blocks and put them back in the bucket and start over. Whatever works, honey. I’m also teaching her to “Raaaaar!” and hold up her hands to the question “What does a monster say?” and I’m getting about 20% success rate with that. She loves it when I do it, though, and often “What does a monster say” and a sequence of “Raaar!”s is sung to the tune of Iron Man. Note to self: teach cows and kitties next to keep under the radar of daycare.

It was threatening rain all afternoon, so we went to the mall, where Dave was telethoning. We actually got there in time for his last break, so he held Ingrid the whole time and was glad to see us (me, and his healthy, vibrant, alive daughter) and Ingrid had a grand time. It was the first time she was in her stroller inside! We’ve always used a sling or wrap, or in target/hannaford, a cart, and with our trip coming up, I thought I should see how the stroller was indoors, and it’s fine of course. Fit through narrow aisles, she was happy and content, and even when I had her in my arms (to see her daddy at the camera) and then had to zoom over to catch Dave, it was no problem to push the techno with my left hand and carry Ingrid in my right.

Our trip — we leave in ten days (gulp) at 5:45 am to go to St Louis for a conference. Ingrid and I (and several others from my job) will arrive at about 10am there, and my sister is flying in from Denver to nanny for the week, but she doesn’t arrive til 3. I’m going to be renting a car, and I’ve already figured out how to get to Target from our hotel. (Half tongue-in-cheek — I’m planning on picking up diapers, food, etc, when we get there instead of hauling it cross country.) I’m a touch nervous to be flying with Ingrid for the first time, but while I’ll be ‘alone,’ as in ‘no dave,’ most of the entourage from my school are moms, and while I’m not counting on their help, I’m sure I will get some if I need it. I’m planning on being self contained, but if I need to pee, for instance, I’m sure someone will hold on to MissIng while I do that. I’m excited to see Kate, and we have a suite which will be great for this trip — a fridge and such for ingrid’s food, a separate room so that Kate and I don’t have to be quiet all evening, etc. And there’s a pool, so I hope Ing and Kate get to splash around a bit.

And finally, for my birthday, my mom wants to get us some lawn furniture of some type. We have a weatherbeaten table and benches, that came with the house, that we’ve used, I think, never, so I’m thinking some sort of comfy seating is in order… any thoughts on what kind of lawn furniture you’d recommend? I’ll also confess to being a Total Mom — when my mom said “stuff for the yard,” my first thought was a climber and swing for Ingrid. I never understood what people meant when it came to wanting everything for your kid, but there you go.

I think it’s nearing the end of the road for FatKitty.

This last year has been a hard one for her, with the new baby and the diabetes double whammy, and the biggest manifestation of that is her box habits. She started pooping outside of her litterbox when Ingrid was born, occasionally, which was no big deal because it’s just poop, and it was just in the basement, so easy to take care of. Over time, though, she’s given up on the box completely for pooping. And in the past few weeks, for peeing, too. On top of the puking, on average once a day, and the pooping, the peeing is really the last straw. We’ve done everything the experts say to do, tried every single kind of litter at the store (not kidding) tried different litterbox arrangements, everything. And it’s not working. As her insulin starts to get low, and now seeing how little the box is being used in favor of the damn basement floor, it’s really seeming… like it’s time.

And that sounds kind of cruel, I know, and I’m sure people are reading and thinking we’re bad people for thinking that this is the time, when she (as far as we know) is relatively healthy. (Tho the peeing could be a sign of something, I guess…) But cat pee is bad. Bad. And our house smelling like catpee is even worse. This is our HOUSE, you know? And yes, it’s our cat, too, and we’re both choked up at the thought of losing her (I’m welling up as I type this) but sometimes you have to make that decision. She’s THIRTEEN. She’s had a fabulous life. When we got the diabetes diagnosis, I charged the insulin to my credit card, and the decision then was that we’d do one bottle (it lasts a long time) and reassess. And as the bottle starts to get low, the assessment isn’t in FK’s favor.

She’s wonderful with Ingrid, and Ingrid LOVES her, and that’s sort of sad, but I remember when I was pregnant, and she got weird, and i was so desperate for our baby to know our cat, and… she has. It’s not realistic to think we can keep her forever, especially with all the peeing. RIght now, it’s just in the basement, but that’s bad enough. It’s just hard. It would almost be easier if she got REALLY SICK and it would be 5000 dollars to save her, or we could euthanize… but the peeing and pooping and puking don’t exactly point to a cat that’s REALLY WELL, you know?

This is hard. I feel a little nervous even posting it, because I’m afraid that it sounds incredibly selfish or that I think my basement floor is more important than a living creature. I don’t feel that way, but our family’s sanity and health also has a stake in this, too, you know?

I’m sure others have had to make the choice. When did you know it was time? Is it usually more clearcut?