Okay, IB is STILL DOWN. This is seriously bothering me, because I am at the end of my 2WW, and IB is my archive of past information, and what I WOULD be doing right now is going through the march/april TWIKM threads, and cross-referencing what was going on THEN with how I’m feeling NOW. AND I CAN’T BECAUSE KVETCH IS BROKEN. DEVASTATING. Not like, hurricane devastating, but still. A pain in the ass.

I have lots of reasons to think that this is the month: general ick, hot flashes, constipation (and I’ve been right as rain for the last month or so, I swear to God, Synthroid is a miracle for me) a specific point of pain near/on my right ovary, that is hauntingly reminiscent of what my left ovarian area felt like last time, headaches, smell issues, food aversion and fatigue.  I hate even LISTING those reasons, though, because I’m sure I’ve just cursed myself, but WHATEVER.  If I haven’t started by Friday afternoon, I’ll make the pilgrimage to our neighborhood Brooks pharmacy and buy some HPTs, and take one on Saturday morning.   

I’ve been pretty okay, so far, with the waiting, but I can’t help but wonder. Who can’t in my position?  If it were this month, I’d be due on the same DAY as my hooding, a ceremony I really want to partake in, and one that I probably could have my parents at, too. (I’ve never attended a graduation ceremony since high school, because they are always on the biggest commencement day of the year, and I — and the rest of my family — have to work that day. Hooding, though, is the Friday night before Saturday commencement, and, gasp! My family could probably attend.)

But, whatever. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not.  I’ll know in a few days, for sure, but DAMN I wish IB was back up.

Opening night of the American Folk Festival was a good time.  The performers aren’t really my bag, but the environment totally is.  I walked down with Andy, and we met up with his friend Jen and her 8 year old and spent the entire night wandering the grounds and running into people (and, conversely, trying to avoid people, too) and searching out things like balloons (for Miah) and funnel cakes (for me.) 

Ahh, yes, I had my triennial funnel cake, and I wish they made a mini one, because even after giving pieces to the others i was with, it was Too Much. Still good, but oooof.  I also had a gyro and a real lemonade from the Greek orthodox church tent for supper, which was also good.

The number one thing that interested me, though, was observing baby products.  The craft vendor tent seemed pretty small, and if I was having a winter baby, I would have been ALL OVER the homemade fleece infant carrier covers. But, I’m not, so I can’t.  I also checked out the stroller and sling deal — saw a few Bjorns and Bjorn-a-likes, and one non Bjorn hip carrier, but the major mode was strollers.  The travel system is king here, and I totally HATE travel systems (although I am intrigued by the new Mosaic one, which is a Maclaren-esque umbrella stroller, with a snazzy snugride included — sans giraffes or bunnies, so also a plus), so that didn’t help.  There were a lot of Dora , etc, umbrella strollers with people hunched over them (seriously, is there a reason they make the handles SO short on those? I understand the convenience and cost and such, but even I, at 5’4", have to stoop to push one, as I found out when my cousin was visiting) and baby joggers like the Jeep Urban Terrain, and lots and lots of babytrend ones.  No maclarens in sight, or snap-n-go type things, just a sea of gigantic plastic travel system strollers.  You know, now Graco is making it’s own frame — you’d think they’d start selling a travel system of infant car seat and snugrider base, you know? Why don’t they? Maybe they just want to unload all those SUV-sized base strollers first.

Errr, yeah. I have my eye on baby shit at ALL TIMES.  (Ask my NYC friends, whose gear I was totally inspecting and asking questions about! Ha!  By the way, MB, how’s the mac on packed gravel and grass?)

It was also awesome to experience the fair with a kid.  He’s a cool little guy, and we talked about books and animals and the Common Ground Fair and played a game of "there’s something on your shirt!" (me) and him crossing his arms and saying "I’m not falling for it!"  It was awesome.

See, here’s the thing: I am fucking GREAT with kids. I am.  I don’t mean to sound like a pompous ass, but it’s one of my known strengths.  Kids love me, in general, and I love kids.  One of the greatest compliments I’ve gotten is that people are surprised at how well I am with their children, despite not having any myself. I am a Cancer, my maternal instinct overfloweth, and of all the things I want in my life, there is nothing I want more than to be a mother.

I can’t wait to bundle up MY kid and take them to the festival, to be on the river in the darkness listening to fiddle music and bluegrass and zydeco past their bedtime. Maybe next summer.

1)  My IRA is invested in an S&P500 fund, or, it was until the fund I was invested in liquidated.  I’ve had a cash balance in my IRA for most of the summer, and I just sort of kept forgetting about it, and I finally logged in and reinvested in the Vanguard Index fund now that my IRA has enough cash to invest in that fund, which is still, admittedly, NOT MUCH.  Most of my IRA funds are from the great tax debacle of the 2004 fiscal year, and I contribute to a 403(b) from my teaching salary, and to the Maine State Retirement System from my teaching and library jobs, so I do feel pretty good, all in all, about my retirement contributions this year. That said, when I finally bought into Vanguard, I could’ve kicked myelf for being such a slowpoke at it, because I made 22 dollars in one day just by having it INVESTED. God, I can be detrimentally lazy sometimes.  (Of course, looking at the last 3 months for the S&P, it’s actually at it’s almost lowest point right now, and while I can’t remember when Transamerica liquidated, I think that my procrastination may have actually PAID OFF this time. Hmm.

2)  I think!!! That posters on messageboards!!!!!! that use too many instance of multiple exclamation points!!!!!! Need to stop.  I’m guilty of the extra-exclamatory sentence here and again, but when every friggin’ post is 80 percent exclamation points, it makes me roll my eyes so far into the back of my head I can see my times tables from 4th grade. Just!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!! Already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3)  I had horrible dreams about my old school all night. I dreamed that I was a sub on the first day, and the kids were all excited to see me, but I had to explain that I was just a sub. I dreamed that the staff bathroom had been moved into the principal’s office and was in a plexiglas cube.  There were laminated colored sheets of paper of email fwds that someone had printed out, that were supposed to offer privacy, but it freaked me out.  I dreamed that I fell asleep in the tech office, and was getting in trouble but then I remembered "Hey! I don’t work there anymore!"  Of course, this coincides with me needing to go out there today to turn in my final med reimbursement form, so now I’m dragging my heels even more.

4)  I did up my med form yesterday, made the copies at least (and blacked out all the info beyond practice name, patient name, date, and cost, because hell if I’m going to have the town council reading my medical statements at their meeting!) and figured out that I have $705.01 in reimbursable expenses, and I’m pretty sure I have about 700 left in my account for that, so YEEHAW on maxing the benefit.  Of course, 300 of that is what Dave pays out of his check, and the other 405.01 came from a freaking MISCARRIAGE, so it’s bittersweet. But nothing I love more than maxing a benefit.

5)  I have a really funny story about shopping yesterday that I CAN’T TELL YET. I will, soon though.

6)  The folk festival starts tonight, and I’m going down with Andy while Dave works the live show.  I mostly go for the food. And I think most everyone else does, too. I bet if they just had an american food festival, you’d get as many attendees. Maybe more.  It’s just so rare to have such unique food vendors all in one place, and it’s not typical "fair food," but ethnic foods, and local foods.  The only similar array of food can be found at the Common Ground Fair, which I can’t wait for (Sept 23-25, in Unity, you should all go!) because of the food, and because of the vendors present.  They have a sling vendor! Organic local maple products! TONS of fiber products, even freshly shorn sheeps wool, you can buy it by the pound. It’s fabulous.

7)  I feel as though there is some symbolism in that jeanne is getting married on the same day I’ve scheduled to test (assuming I don’t start, of course) and the same day that MY university football team will be starting their season playing HER state’s university on their home turf. Seriously, the Nebraska-Maine connections abound, no?

8) I’m also irrationally sad that the university’s (hockey) goalie went pro a year early.  He was the best in the country! Which is why he’s with the Redwings now, but still! He was the first goalie I ever loved, because it was the first year I ever loved hockey. Sniff.

9)  Have I mentioned the cat is fat? because she is. Still.

10) I only did #9 and this one because a list of 8 is just wrong. Lists must be in multiples of 5 or 10. Or just 3, just 3 is okay. But not 8.

I mentioned this a few weeks ago, as part of a discussion with Dave about what we want for our kids. And technophiles that we are, we are really both on the same pages as kids being outside as much as possible.  On a day like today, where I’ve felt like shit and headachey and tired and just blah, and consequently spent most of the day inside and online, I feel slughtly hypocritical, but I can admit that.  ANYWAY. (I also finally realized at 5 that I had had no tea in almost 36 hours, which, my one cuppa makes allll the difference in the world.)

On the news just now, they had the guy that I was referring to (but didn’t know it at the time) Richard Louv, who has coined the term Nature Deficit Disorder.  It’s not a clinical diagnosis, Louv calls it a "disorder of society."

From an article at Salon:

"In his new book,
"Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit
Disorder," Louv argues that sensationalist media coverage and paranoid
parents have literally "scared children straight out of the woods and
fields," while promoting a litigious culture of fear that favors "safe"
regimented sports over imaginative play. Well-meaning elementary school
curricula may teach students everything there is to know about the
Amazon rain forest’s endangered species, but do little to encourage
kids’ personal relationship with the world outside their own doors. And
advances in technology, while opening up a wealth of "virtual"
experiences to the young, have made it easier and easier for children
to spend less time outside."

(Salon requires you to view an ad for access, but this is a great interview, and worth the 30 seconds.)

Here’s another article, that goes into the ADHD link:

"In
fifty-four of fifty-six cases, outdoor activities in more natural
settings led to a greater reduction in ADHD symptoms than activities in
less natural areas. The only instances when symptoms worsened occurred
in the artificial environments. In a related experiment, the laboratory
found that children could focus on specific tasks better in green
settings."

As a teacher, I LOVED taking the kids outdoors, because I grew up in the woods, and most kids don’t HAVE those experiences. We had a nature trail, and when I took kids out there, there was always at least one that said "I forgot how cool this is!"  It’s why May sucked so bad, the endless rain made it impossible to take them out.  (Our school is very ‘safe’ and rain might have them catch cold!)  One of the points that Louv makes is that we’ve over-sanitized things for kids, that you have to be away from the rocks because they are dangerous, etc etc… Or, how planned neighborhoods have covenants that make it impossible to have a treehouse, for instance, and how that affects children.

It’s just a really great thing to consider, and it makes SO much sense.  I’d love to read the book.  And our kids are so going to sent out to play ALL the time.

Thing 1: This cycle, my irrational baby product obsession is over slings. (I blame bizarrogirl.)  A December baby would have been perfect for the Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch, but if I end up with a summer baby, that’s not so hot.  So, now I think a Hotsling would be great (the Maya and other ring slings really don’t appeal like a tube/pouch sling does) to start out with, and a Mei Tai type would be a good next step up.  (And, okay, it’s closed for custom orders, but the textile junkie in me is drooling over the fabric selection at the babyfairies site.)  I also think I could probably make my own Mei Tai/ABC easily enough, since I can do a straight line and such on a sewing machine, and choosing my own fabrics would be ideal. Especially if I could figure out how to make different ones for different occasions. The formal sling, the manly sling for Dave, the sling that goes from the office to evening wear with just a few accessories, the sling that guarantees getting hit on at the bar . . . .  anyway, that’s the newest obsession in this here 2WW.

Thing 2:  In talking to Amy, I figured out what it is that bothers me about the way the young un’s are handled at family events. It’s not that the kids are misbehaving, but that the parents are mis-parenting. I also figured out why they think my nephew is such a tremendous father, when he seems to be misparenting most of the time: he’s there.  The bar for fathers has been set reallllly low in Dave’s family, in that Dave never even HAD a damn father, the other kids’ dad was pretty much an asshole, and also not present, and one SIL (nephew’s mom) is on her 3rd spousal-equivalent, who is parent to none of her kids. (Both kids have different dads.)  The one father figure that Dave had growing up was his BIL, who is still married to SIL (and Good Niece’s dad) and THAT’s the guy that takes care of kids when there’s an event, because he IS so awesome at it.  When nephew shows up WITH his children, that alone is enough to make them think he’s a really involved dad.  In our world, though, involved goes beyond simple physical presence, and moves into the realm of active parenting and emotional interaction with your kids. (As it is, when Dave and I do conceive again — knock wood– it will be the first baby in three generations to be conceived in wedlock on his side of the family. Not that being married is the end-all, be-all of good parenting, but it’s an interesting statistic, nonetheless.)

Thing 3:  Lulu left a comment on my entry that had the pics defacing the religious propaganda:

I don’t know, Gretch, would you have posted this if it were about
Allah? Or Buddha? Or if the people had been Jewish? I know that it is
the pushiness that is annoying and irritating in this particular case,
but I have to admit, I am a bit dismayed that you’d post this.

and this was my response:

You know, I would have if it was any religion or even any random
doorknob-spam that lent itself to mockery.  I used to collect
these propaganda pamphlets because they often are so ridiculous in
their claims (there was one sect at my first college that insisted
wearing white tshirts would send you to hell – no joke — and plastered
the campus with their fliers. It’s how I met Aton, actually, he was
collecting them from car windshields as fast as the Friends o’ JC – as
they called themselves — were laying them down.)

I’m sorry that it dismayed you, but I don’t see it as that bad.

There’s just been a LOT of proselytizing going on around me lately,
that I haven’t written about — [Edited to remove some stuff about work], so I’m feeling especially …. whatever, lately.  Just
flying that agnostic flag, you know?  I’ll probably c&p a bit
of this for the journal to explain, but I really am sorry to offend
you. It’s just one of those religious/not things: I get offended when
Bangor Baptist sneaks videos and propaganda onto my porch, or when my
views aren’t considered valid (I’ve discussed this before, heh), and I
guess my reaction to those events can be offensive to others. *shrug*

I looked for where I’d written about this before, and I think it was on diaryland.  Basically, being in an area where cultural diversity is about zero, I’ve always had issues with the automatic assumption that we’re Christian.  My old entry went into my frustration by being wished "merry christmas" or "happy easter" when there is no visible reason to wish me such things. I don’t wear a cross, I’m not in a church lobby, I’m not buying some religiously themed thing.  My coworkers would ask "How was your easter?!" and I’d respond with a "It’s just Sunday in our house." Because, seriously, NOT EVERYONE IS CHRISTIAN.  And in such a place as homogenous as Maine, people tend to just default to "great, thanks." And a few years ago, I made it a point to NOT default to that, because it continues to propagate the idea that everyone is christian. And they’re not.

Our values, my values, are to do good to others, and if there is a heaven and a god and all of that? Then maybe we’ll get in. If not, oh well, we did well by humans while we were on the planet.  I have seen too many christians think that by sticking a jesus fish on the back of their car ensures them a safe trip to heaven, and they slack on that whole "do good unto others" part of the faith.  So, yeah, I mocked a piece of unrequested propaganda.  But I’ve also done a lot of good for other people in my 30 years, as has Dave, and we will teach those same values to our kids.  I feel certain that if I were to get hit by a bus today, my actions would be remembered as mostly good deeds, despite the tasteless jokes we sometimes make.

Last night, I shot out of bed from a deep, deep sleep after 2am.  I don’t know if I dreamed it, or if there was some sound outside, but I thought the cat was choking to death.  I literally went from sound asleep to staring over the cat in her chair in the living room convincing myself she was okay.  She was asjusting to the light and just stretched her paws and yawned. She was fine, and I went back to bed.

It was so … weird, though. Just BOOM! AWAKE! OHMYGODTHECAT!  I tripped over my bedside wastebasket, kicked it into the hallway and knocked it over, and waited til morning to pick it up.  I was asleep as soon as I hit the bed again. Just. WEIRD. I’m a sound, sound sleeper — I almost wonder what I heard, or if it was a dream, or what. Anyway.

Went to the SILs for a belated grad party for the Good Niece.  And just, oh my god. It’s so hard. I cannot force myself to laugh at people who think it’s funny to just use random advertising jokes as conversation.

"So, you guys going to Vegas?"
"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, HAHAHAHAHA"
Me:silently biting my tongue.

Or, really? Honestly? The "Can you hear me now?" ‘joke’ is over. It never began for me, but for the general populace? It is O.VER. So please don’t use it in conversation.

The grandnephews and pseudograndniece were there, and that’s its own version of fingernails-digging-into-palms.  Honestly, the only thing that really makes me seethe about Bad Niece’s son is his damn name, which I just choose not to use. The others, though, ferfucksake, feed your kid something other than sugar.  We left and I told Dave that if he gives our kids anything that is the same color as my shirt (a bright turquoise) before they are in middle school, I will leave him. Okay, that’s extreme. But the 3yo, I have never, ever, ever seen her drink anything other than ‘bug juice/koolaid’ or regular Coke. Ever. Never seen water or milk near that child. Drives me batshit.  That, and some cheesecake, and she was good to go and just being an unrestrained 3. It’s not that I expect a 3 year old to behave like a robot, not at ALL. But even her grandmother was saying to my nephew, "would you PAY ATTENTION to her?"  My nephew brings the kids, sits on the couch in his (dirty, usually) jeans and grunts at people, it seems. So frustrating.  The baby crawls over to him, tries to pull up, does that whole "dad, pick me up!" arm/look thing, and he doesn’t even look DOWN. And my MIL is narrating "Oh, pick me up Daddy, pick me up!" and he doesn’t even LOOK. *Shudder*

Frustrating as hell, sooooo frustrating. Oh, and also "dontchoo wanna hear the pitta-patta of little feet?" question, where Dave and I just smile through clenched teeth and say "not really," because THOSE are not the feet I want to hear. Thank GOD we only see them maybe 4x a year, despite the fact that they live in town, but anymore would drive me nuts. And worse than being there without kids will be being there WITH kids, because lord knows, they’ll have lots to say about our parenting. Sigh.

You know, if we get to be parents.