I posted this in my family blog, but I thought folks might appreciate it here, as well. We were working on a photo for a new year’s card, and these are the pictures we didn’t use. (There’s music, fyi.) Requires quicktime but is a small file as it’s just a slideshow. Also features the advent of Ingrid’s FakeAss Smile. Sigh.

Ingrid’s Outtakes

In other news, my cousin IMed me for help with his resume. He’s 23, had one job, which was working for my dad, and is just finishing a photography degree. He also has a bad case of Thesaurus.  On the one hand, it made me feel much better about my own resume to see a really… ungood one, and I cleaned up my cousin’s really well, but being him, and 23, I wonder if he used any of my revisions. For instance, I eliminated the sections of "Objective" and "Interests" because they said this, respectively:

My mission is to earn a challenging
position utilizing my exceptional communication, technological, and
listening skills to assist customers with any tribulations that might
arise.

and…

Mountain Climbing, Back
Packing, White Water Rafting, Swimming, Cooking, Fine Wine, Photography,
Mentoring, Fishing, Science, Anthropology, Archaeology, Landscaping,
History, Discovery, Travel, Adventure.

And for the one job he did have, working with my dad, well.. um, okay, well I wouldn’t exactly describe it as this:

   

Served as business facilitator
providing office clerical requirements, photographic laboratory and
service output responsibilities, as well as daily client interface requirements
throughout the business service spectrum. 

… and neither would my dad.

But, he’s young, and my resume at 23 probably sucked, too.

Daycare went fine. I was nervous (who the fuck WOULDN’T BE?) but she did fine. The head teacher was there, who I hadn’t met before as she’d been out for a few days, and talking with her was very reassuring — none of this "oh, wow, you should let her stay up longer and she’ll sleep longer" crap, which, for the average baby, is exactly crap. It’s certainly crap for my kid, who has a 2-2.5 hour rotation of sleep/eat/play. I was nervous that my position of being the World’s Greatest Expert on Ingrid would be challenged, from sleep to how much EBM she eats, to the fact that we still use newborn nipples to keep bottle preferences at bay. 

I went to school, and got some work done (eventually, lots of FTP WTF?! that led me to entirely scrap a subdomain and start new) and focused on that to avoid worrying about Ingrid, and oy, I totally forgot to eat, drink or — gasp! — pump. At 2:30, I realized this, and found a closet to pump in, but no food or water for 6 hours meant that I only got 2 oz… and then I went and picked up Ingrid.

When I got there, she was about waist deep in blocks and a dump truck, cooing away, and when I walked in and said "IIIInnnggrrriidd!!!" she beamed at me. The head teacher said "You weren’t kidding about her being like clockwork!" which made me think "NO SHIT!" and also "THANKGOD." They’d also moved her crib to the darker, quieter side of the room, and she’d napped fine over there. I think they really heard my concern about her being asked to sleep in the playroom skybox suite with babies! right! there!, and hey, she slept great, so that’s cool.

Of course, we also got offered a spot at the new center around the corner, where we want to eventually end up. But that is all kinds of confusing; I got an email saying she was enrolled in the young toddler program, 11-18 months, but the center opens in January when she’ll turn 8 months. I emailed* the director back to say that I thought it was in error, and then got another mass email with a ‘clarification on infant/young toddler slots’ which said that to try to accomodate everyone as they open, they adjusted the range on young toddlers to 9-18 months, but… still, Ingrid is only going to TURN 8 months in January. I do really like the infant/young toddler split, though — the regulations classify 0-18 months as infant, with specific rules, like setting their own schedule, crib naps, held for feedings, etc… and most places have a 0-18 room. The uni does, actually, and hanging out there, the 17 month old in the program is really wanting to play with the 19-30 month olds next door.  And, IIRC, the young toddler program at this new center is a step down in cost from infant care, so it would be infant care for a little less money. AND, if I were to get this job at the library, we could AFFORD it, which is key. So, now there’s a matrix of job/childcare that I have to interpret:

Get library job –> enroll at local center
Don’t get library job –> waitlist at local center
No day job—> work part-time nights, continue to look for worth-it job during the day, and hope that stars align for employment and childcare at the same time

A worth-it job is one that pays enough to make it profitable (after childcare) and is a job I’d WANT to spend time at. So, working at Dress Barn is not a worth-it job to me. Working at the library is.  Working p/t at night is straight profit, but takes away from time with Dave, mostly, since Ingrid is asleep by 7.

Either way, I’m going to fill out the paperwork and give a deposit to local center, since it’s applied to future tuition, and I figure I’ll have a better read on the worth-it job situation by the time it opens, in late January.  Commuting the uni daycare if I work in town will be a huge expensive pita — it’s at least 20 minutes between here and there, so it would be 20 minutes up and back in the am, and again in the pm, and with the price of gas, oy. (If a worth-it job turned up on campus, than that would be moot….)

Anyway, so much to think about! Argh.

*I totally love that the new center uses email. My cell phone is completely unreliable, so I asked the uni to email me if there was an emergency, because I’m a thousand times easier to reach that way, but they don’t have a computer at the center. As it stands, if I don’t answer my cell, then they call dave, hope they reach him, and he IMs me. Sigh.

Even knowing that I have A Plan to finish my degree, and not yet BEING finished, I still feel like a weight has shifted.  In fact, as part of the "this is fated" childcare situation, my advisor emailed me on Friday to check in. I responded, explained the "I’m so not done, but now I have a PLAN!" situation, and she responded to ME to say that I am not the only one in This Situation (her caps) but that I seem "poised to finish ahead of anyone else…" Damn, I’m freaking out and none of my practcium-mates are as far as me?!? And they don’t even have BABIES!!! So, I feel really good about that.

I’ve also been working to cook more Real Food, instead of bag dinners and the ol’ standbys, so I made a menu for the week. A MENU! And I went grocery shopping while Dave took ingrid to MILs for a visit, which is awesome IN AND OF ITSELF, as it was their first time flying solo and everyone did well. Anyway. I made a plan! for the WEEK! And bought three types of meat that I’d never tried before. Tilapia (which we ate tonight — yum! We like!) pork tenderloin, and kielbasa. I know. I’m so pathetic. Tomorrow is the pork tenderloin, the kielbasa is for a chicken and sausage crockpot stew for wednesday.

When I got home, Dave had to race to Tom’s to shoot, so Ingrid and I made cookies. Baking with my mom is one of my most favorite memories, and Ingrid sat in the highchair while I read her the ingredients and explained all the steps. She blew raspberries at me, mostly, or cooed and ‘talked’ to me while I mixed, but it was just, awesome. I’m so glad we have the peninsular countertop, and that Ingrid CAN be part of the action, already. And when she’s big enough to stand on a chair, she can do that, too, without worry of bumping her head on a cupboard or falling into terrible danger or whatever while we cook. (Also, Ijust saw photos of Miss O cooking with her mama, and was so excited to realize that Ingrid at the counter is really not as far off as I first thought!)

Anyway. Today? I felt like I CAN DO THIS. I will finish my degree. I willbake cookies with my daughter. I CAN DO THIS.

We went and visited the center, and I don’ think it’s the one that Scary Dragon goes to ;), but the caregivers seemed really nice, which is important. They also shoot for a 1:3 ratio, instead of the 1:4 regulated ratio, and they also have students in there, and I’m all about the hands-on learning environments, so that’s cool, too.  Ingrid beamed at all the caregivers, and was craningher neck to see the babies, and I recognized one baby as being the one I always see in a Mei Tai around town (and whose mama and I have talked in a Babywearers, Unite! kind of way).   I also explained that I’m kind of not a student, technically, anymore, but the director totally understood the situation and said it wasn’t a problem and that I’d still count. But, after December, I’d have 3 months to be affiliated with the uni in some way (job or student) if I wanted to stay there. So, I don’t feel so bad about wanting this for short-term, since it’s highly likely I’d be short-term under THEIR rules, anyway.

Everything seemed very fated — I also had email from my advisor, checking in, plus that I even GOT this voicemail is BEYOND miraculous. Truly. But still… $125 is a lot for us, to add as a weekly expense, so I’ve been trying to figure that out.

Then, my mom called. "Since we bought Kate’s plane ticket home, we’d like to buy you three weeks of childcare, so that you can get this DONE." Decision? MADE.  Of course, Dave is working late tonight (hockey game) so I KNOW he’s freaking out about money, and has been since I left to see the center and he went back to work. Truly, though, 3 weeks will get me done with school, at the very least, and into the busy season, where if I want to keep her there, then we can afford to take over the payment part. I totally cried. I’m such a pussy.

$125 a week is better than $165, for sure, but it’s STILL HUGE for us, right now. Especially since it would be putting out cash and not bringing IN any for the time out. But, it’s an investment, it’s an investment, I just need to FINISH. FIN. ISH.  And that is looking more and more like a good possibility. I cannot WAIT to get that light blue fucking hood, thank you very damn much. (OKay, the hood won’t come til May, but the PAPER will be here very. very. soon.)

Well, so, now what!?

My cell phone has sucked for months. MONTHS. It goes from 5 bars to none, and I cannot even TELL you the last time I successfully had a phone call, not even to voice mail. I need to cancel it, so I charged it up and decided to see if it worked at all, and managed to (miraculously, seriously) connect to the voice mail, where there were 11 messages for the chick who had my number last, apparently (collection agency or something) and ONE from the uni childcare center. From YESTERDAY. They have a slot.

It’s $125/week, but it’s on campus, essentially, and the farthest flung of all we’ve applied to. If we don’t take it, we get  bumped to the bottom of the list, which if you remember, I signed up on THIS list over a year ago, and I think I may technically not even be allowed on the priority list, since technically I’m not a student anymore. But whatever, I’m still finishing my degree, so let’snot get too deep into semantics.

Since this call, there’s been a flurry of email and phone calls: Dave is worried about the expense, BUT, if I have childcare in the daytime towork on shit, that means I can take more shifts at night, AND they say that it’s going to be all the work you want in a few weeks. My parents think that I should do it, if even for two weeks, just to get school DONE, and then my dad called back to remind me that anything I pay in childcare can be deducted on my taxes, so to consider the tax benefit as well. And, while it IS the farthest away from our house, I can work on campus, get shit done, and not have the commute be doubled (by then going home, or to a ‘job’ that is ‘someplace else.’) At this point, Dave wouldn’t ever have to pick her up or drop her off, so that’s not a concern. it would be more of one if we both were working here, and childcare was way the hell up THERE.  Also, Ingrid’s Scary Dragon Friend goes to one of the 2 infant programs up there (and now I’m dying to know WHICH ONE: N, this opening is at infant/toddler in the UP housing) and I’ve heard good things from them.

Argh. Now I need to call, to meet the program director to tour the place. But, Internet, is it stupid to take the slot, even though I might cancel the arrangement in a month or so, and use it only part time?

We had the childcare meet & greet today, and it was interesting. I mean, I like everything that they are saying, and I LOVE that they are so close, and that they are NAEYC accredited and all of that. They are clearly doing everything right. But, of course, that comes at a price, and they will be the most expensive in the area — $165 a week. holy motherfucking shit. I mean, the average is 130 around here, and the previous most expensive was at the Tent Revival church (150 a week) but, hot damn, that’s a lot. It goes down at 11 months, to $150 a week, and for whatever reason, that seems more reasonable than 165. I don’t know why. It’s just 60 bucks a month, but that’s like, our phone bill.

When we left, Dave was like "How is it better to have you working?" Which is sort of bittersweet…. ideally, I’d like to keep staying home til Ingrid’s a year. It would mean not having to fuck with pumping all day long, it would mean continuing to go to storytime and such, and it would just feel right. But, we also, you know, need some cash. We’re still living off of savings, on my end, and my night job will be picking up really soon beyond the one 4-6 hour shift a week I’m getting now. I’ve also applied for permanent part-time (I’m seasonal right now) and there’s grapevine murmurings that that’s a Good Thing, so I’m feeling confident I’ll at least have that job lined up. And I’m okay with working nights for longer, I really am, if it means more income than outgo, on top of being here for most of Ingrid’s waking hours. It might be kind of tough, as it goes on, but… we do what we have to, right?

The plan is now to ask to be kept on the waitlist, and to wait until Ingrid’s a year before looking for daytime childcare. And in almost all ways, that’s ideal for me. Except… I feel a little lost at what to do AFTER. I mean, I value education intrinsically, but I also feel like I need to make my graduate degree work for us, beyond just being a cool accomplishment. I don’t want to classroom teach, but I’m not sure I could afford childcare if I did anything less. Moving is not an option for us, so where will I end up, here?

It feels weird to be working a fairly menial job, with a master’s degree in sight. But teaching, man, that makes me sweat a little bit, too. It feels very either-or, right now. I wish that we had the finances to have it not be a question. I’m envious of the people at storytime who have the shiny cars and perfectly dressed kids, and who are obviously so TOGETHER and so PERFECT MOM, whereas I’m just feeling my way through everything, trying to finish my degree, trying to think about what kind of job I will have, and trying to even figure out what I need to make to make childcare affordable. It just feels …. deflating right now. I’m stoked to stay home withIngrid, I really am. But I wish our financial situation was one that was determined, in some way. 

Sigh.