Monthly Archives: December 2006

More jobs

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I’ve applied for two more jobs, one which I’m overqualified for:

"Full time Technical Support Specialist:
Software company looking for a customer
service-oriented individual who also has basic technical skills to
assist with troubleshooting. Duties to include customer service via
phone, data entry, emailing, and other basic office duties as needed.
Temp to hire position for the right individual."

and one which I’m underqualified for:

"Data Management & Computer Support Specialist:
Work with the Educational Technology Coordinator and assist the Primary
Data management Specialist to develop, document, deploy and support
database applications. Provide general desktop support for computer
hardware, software and network connections in classrooms, labs,
workrooms and offices. The job will require travel to school locations.
Available immediately.
Responsibilities: Work with the technology coordinator and the primary database developer, programming database applications.  Write system and user documentation for database applications and provide general desktop support for users.  Work with the technology coordinator to conduct on-site visits for
troubleshooting and problem resolution in response to trouble calls
from users.
Qualifications:
Knowledge and experience with Windows and Macintosh computer hardware, software, peripherals and Ethernet networking.  Knowledge and experience in database application development in a
Microsoft Windows environment using Microsoft Access, Visual Basic and
SQL. Knowledge of, or a willingness to learn, application
development programming in the FirstClass Rapid Application Development
environment."

The first is $12/hr, which, here, isn’t bad at all, and would totally pay for daycare and still be profitable. The second, I have no idea — it’s for the city school department, and parts of it, I have nailed — like "Write system & user documentation" etc, but I last used MS Access in oh… 1999(!), and haven’t used VB or SQL. I have used FilemakerPro, and have a good knowledge of what you want a database to do (for instance, when I went the school website to download an app, you had to enter your name, and I thought it was odd that it wasn’t Firstname Lastname fields…) and how to organize information, and all of that….

But, I wonder, does one expect a master’s degree to mean you know everything? Or does have the graduate degree help establish that, hey, I can learn shit, dude. Because,  I CAN learn, really quickly. And it’s easy for me to learn software, but not often easy for others to learn teaching skills, etc, which is what is so key to writing good documentaion and helping folks out, you know? And, I have no idea how academic the schedule is for that one — I’m going to wager that summer vacation isn’t like teaching, but maybe, probably, I’d get other vacations, and maybe even get out at 3 (which would roooock) and that’s a total bonus. I’m going to apply, because maybe they already have someone in mind in-house, it’s not a department head position, and I can assist anyone if you give me a few minutes to learn the material, and if they don’t hire me, but do interview me, they’ve met me. And I’ve met them.

I really need a job, especially with daycare coming right up and our savings account dwindling (god, we had OIL delivered this week. *shudder*) and even temping, fuck, I can do that if I have to. It’d be nice to find a professional job, and that temp-hire position might be a good holding place job, for now… sigh.

I have to say, though, that when I get a Real Goddamn Job? If it’s more than say, 30k, I am so totally hiring a cleaning service to come in 2x a month or something, because I do not want to spend weekends scrubbing toilets if that’s the extent of my family time.  Dave rolled his eyes when I said that, but, for real. That’s my plan.

Bleeeeh

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Because it just doesn’t get any better:

Baby’s first ER visit!

Thismorning, about 630, I was like "hmm, Ingrid seems really hot, get the thermometer…" the temporal registered 101.6, so I gave her some motrin and we tucked back into bed. I gave her some Tylenol a few hours later, and then Motrin at noon, and we went to lunch with Debbie and came home and she napped and Dave was home, and so when she woke up, I nursed her and went upstairs with the EW Year in Review issue. I didn’t get far, when dave was like "Ingrid’s acting… weird."  I went down, and she was trembling, her hands were turning purplish, and she just looked Not Right. Aaaaannnd, of course this was 2 minutes after the ped’s office closed (no shit, 2 minutes) so I called Andy’s mom, who was a nurse for years, including in the urgent care clinic, and said "is this cool?" She basically said "it might be the fever coming back, but if you’re worried, take her in," sort of validating that I wasn’t being a nervous nellie. So, off we go….

By the time we get to the ER, the quaking is gone, and her hands are pink again, but she spikes a 103.9 fever, and the triage nurse jacks her up on tylenol suppositories and sends us back to the waiting room, where we choose a spot far, far away from anyone with a wastebasket at their feet. (*shudder*) She’s a little furnace, and snuggles on me for a while, takes a nap, they check her temp after about an hour and it’s at 101.7, so we go back to the waiting room.  When we did get seen, the PAC said that probably what we saw was ‘viremia,’ which googling only brings up weird shit in rats or really awful shit in humans, but his explanation was that if she has a virus, the cells build up and then explode into the body at once, and that big blast can spike the fever, cause the shaking, etc. It wasn’t a seizure (and I was sure of that from the get-go) but basically like a bad case of the chills, infant-style. He checked her ears and all of that, rechecked her temp a few times, and sent us home with the staggered Motrin/Tylenol routine, some saline for her nose, a rectal thermometer, and pedialyte in case she gets pukey. (Note on the rectal: when I was having her, we were always checked with a temporal or ear thermometer when they did vitals, so I figured our temporal was great, but the triage nurse guy was a nicu nurse before, and said that those thermometers are all crap, that it all has to do with hospitals getting bonuses for using them on the floor, and it’s all marketing and the good nurses and docs will only do rectal temps on an infant, because it’s the only accurate one. He then showed Dave how to do it — like cord care, Dave can have ass care, too — and sent us home with one. I’m not tossing my temporal, because I think it’s good for adults, and probably bigger kids it’s okay, too, but butt temps will be dave’s new area of expertise. Ingrid is not that thrilled.)

We came home and gave her motrin and put her in bed, but GODDAMN, ER visits blow. AND, the whole time we’re at the ER, we’re brainstorming what that means for This Weekend, because — rightly so — Dave doesn’t want to be alone wiht Ingrid in the willywags, an hour from the nearest hospital (which is one my parents refuse to go to because of the notoriously bad care) while I’m being Grieving Cousin.  On top of logistics, Explaining to Grammie is discussed, too, which actually ended up being moot — my mom was like "Oh, no, don’t come tomorrow! Don’t feel bad about going to the ER, if you think something is wrong, YOU TAKE HER TO THE ER, blah blah." So, NOW what will happen is that none of us will go to the visitation hours, but we’ll all go up on Sunday for the funeral, and for the family gathering at his house after.  I fulfill my duty (and I want to be there for my aunt and his kids, too, of course) and it gives my visiting relatives a chance to meet Ingrid (which they’ve expressed excitement about, this isn’t me using a funeral to show off my kid) and by not making it an overnight, that makes everything easier.

I watched the ‘tribute video,’ a slideshow the funeral home puts together and shows at the visiting hours and online, and good lord, did I cry. THose pooooor fucking kids. Just breaks my heart. Sigh.

Woot, D70!

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Seriously. I love the D70. It’s a fairly…. extravagant…. gift, but the reality is that it’s basically the newest one my dad had purchased for the studio, but the flash (speedlight!!!) and the lightsphere (LIGHTSPHERE, omg) are new. And yes, one helluva gift, but it also means that I have my own setup for when Dad needs me to work — I can be second shot at weddings, do the tournaments, bring it for graduation shoots, etc. And, a d70 always gets more Ingrid pics out to my mom, so both of my parents have definite pros to me having a sweet camera in the house.  Still pretty freaking generous, and OMG, D fricking 70.

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So. Anyway.

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What a fucking fucked up fucking holiday.

I mean, to start it off with this bigass tragic death, well, that certainly alters the mood. The story on that:

So, this is my cousin who lives in Maine, the only one who does, only extended family in the state. He was 49, and has two kids, 16 & 12, boy and girl, whom he’s had sole custody of for the last 6 years, I think, and for damn good reason. Mom had all kinds of problems, and the sole custody was court ordered and all of that, and in the years since, the mom moved to kansas city. Because the kids are older, now, and more independent, and because the mom’s been sober for a while, my cousin agreed to let them visit her for Christmas, for 3 weeks.  My parents took them out to dinner a few nights before they left, and made tentative plans for my cousin to join us for christmas dinner.  He’d apparently been drinking on the 23rd, wasn’t wearing his seat belt, and wrapped his Suburban around a tree at 3 am on the 24th. Not exactly a freak accident, but certainly a motherfucking tragic one, because NOW, my cousins don’t have their Sole Fucking Provider, their mom is legally forbidden to get custody (while he didn’t ever wear a seatbelt, he did have all of his legal ducks in a row regarding that situation) and my parents just left here to go to his house to unearth the legal documents for all of that. he was a pretty private guy, and we think the kids’ guardian is my cousin Jen in Florida, but we aren’t sure, and she is driving up with my aunt, who plans to stay on indefinitely while shit gets sorted out. Meanwhile, my dad is prepared to make goddamn sure that Colson’s wishes are adhered to, and the legal ones as well, and is gearing up to be the bad guy in the situation. Dad has also been dealing with the messier matters of everything — talking to the cops, initially (the state police had gone to our house at the lake to inform them, but my folks were at the mountain, and really, thank god, because my mom would’ve freaked to see a trooper at her door with Kate’s travel plans all screwy), the funeral home, all of the other relatives, scheduling shit — so christmas? has been weird.

In so many ways, this has been a really great christmas — shit, Kate made it HOME! After so many people DIDN’T get out of DIA, she made it fucking HOME! And, it’s Ingrid’s first christmas! Not that she knows it’s any different, but dammit, it’s made OUR lives different, and to have a first family christmas is such a joy. And my parents’ business had a really great year, apparently, and because kate and I are each starting off in new career paths (Kate got her RE license, and i finished my Master’s) we got really generous gifts. But it’s so fucked up to be like "OMG! A Dmothafucking70!" and then have the phone ring and pause to have my dad find out about cremation services. SO. FUCKED. UP. And to be excited about… a camera…. when my cousins are not only fatherless, but 90 percent of kids, even kids of divorce, if one parent dies, they know what happens next. These guys don’t default to their mother. So, do they move to Florida? My parents are gearing up to play a role in that issue, even if it’s temporary, to finish out the school year. They’ve been a huge part of those kids’ lives, anyway — when they are sick, my mom picks them up at school and takes care of them, they take them to the mountain all the time, my mom helps on the girl-stuff end of things with the younger one, etc… It’s just so fucked. up.

And as another layer, the house they live in is the one that Colson grew up in; he bought it from my aunt many years ago. But, when he was 12 (and his oldest sister 14), my uncle was killed in a drunk driving accident, going north in the southbound lane of I95, and my mom had just graduated from college and was on vacation in Quebec (she lived in Western NY state, on the PA state line) and was the closest family member, so she drove to this very house, and ended up staying, getting a teaching job, and helping my aunt with her kids, who were 2-14 in age. And now, my aunt is driving back to this very house, to tend to two kids whose dad was killed in a car wreck… it’s just fucking spooky as shit.

On top of all of that, and I am not even kidding, my grandma is in the hospital, after feeling faint and going pale at christmas eve dinner in Houston. They knew about Colson, and didn’t call us until late yesterday afternoon, because they wanted us to have some semblance of a nice holiday. Anyway, she was takenby ambulance to the hospital, not a heart attack or stroke, but something funky on the EKG in the ambulance, so they are keeping her for tests.

Can it be 2007 now?

It’s been a heavy holiday, and will continue to be — my parents left this morning to go back and start dealing with the legal stuff/paperwork/getting Colson’s house together — my aunt and cousin are just past DC, driving from Florida with the intent that my aunt (who is 74) will stay to take care of the kids. Another cousin was on vacation in GUAM from his home in JAPAN, so he has had to get from Guam to Japan to rural fucking MAINE ASAP, and yet another cousin and her daughter are flying in from Oregon. (That last one is the cousin for whom I had to secretly take care of her daughter, who was 1.5 at the time, while she was in a psych hospital, because the combo of my aunt and now-fatherless-young-cousin was NOT WORKING. i wrote about that a few years ago, here)  Plus, my aunt from Western NY is coming, and farflung cousins and shit… my sister is going to try to extend her ticket, which means a financial hit for her because this is her busy season, and she and I are going to drive up tomorrow. We have stuff to do here — Ingrid needs her flu shot booster, for one, since she’s going to be manhandled left right and crooked at all this family stuff (which I’m okay with, essentially, because she really has been the one to keep us buoyed the last few days, and my parents just melt when she smiles at them, and hey, babies are the promise of good things, right?) but seriously, girl will be flushot protected before 3 continents of germs descend. I need to get the tree taken care of, all that stuff…

Just, FUCK. you know? I am so blessed with all that I do have, with my own family, and it just so totally fucking sucks for my cousins, for my mom, for my aunt, for everyone.  I really hope others have a good holiday week, enjoy your family, wear your goddamn seatbelt, and don’t fucking drive drunk. FOR FUCK’SSAKE.

Festive, eh?

Christmas Wish

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My favorite carol of all time is John Denver’s "A Christmas Wish," on his album with the Muppets.

 
    I don’t know if you believe in Christmas

Or if you have presents underneath the Christmas tree

But if you believe in love

That will be more than enough

For you to come and celebrate with me

I have held the precious gift that love brings

Even though I never saw a Christmas star

I know that there is a light

I have felt it burn inside

And I have seen it shining from a far

Christmas is the time to come together

A time to put all differences aside

And I reach out my hand

To the family of man

To share the joy I feel at Christmas time

For the truth that binds us all together

I would like to say a simple prayer

That at this special time

You will have true peace of mind

And love to last throughout the coming year

And if you believe in love

That will be more than enough

For peace to last throughout the coming year

And peace on earth will last throughout the year


have a good day, all.
 

Oh, man.

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My cousin, a single dad of two teenagers, because their mom has had serious addiction issues, let them fly to Kansas this year to be with her.  (Longtimers: this is the family who spent their first mom-less christmas with us, and I did all the shopping…) Anyway, last night, he was killed, driving drunk, at 3 am. 

His kids are in Kansas. Their guardian is their aunt (another cousin) who lives in Florida. My parents are the next-of-kin up here — they are the only relatives that live in Maine.  He was (was! fuck!) a really quiet guy, who, when Ingrid was born, drove two hours up in the first week we were home, and just held her for hours.

Anyway. It’s the holidays, and most people are holding their families tight anyway, but also, don’t fucking drink and drive. My cousins are now orphans to alcoholism. Call a fucking cab.

(Aside: my sister made it home safely, half an hour early, after being able to jump the lines because they’d rebooked her in the only available seats, which happened to br first class. Bulkhead.  Just had to end on a less dour note.)

Fuuuuck

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Blizzard in Denver, 5,000 travelers stranded already, airport not slated to open until, oh, 3 hours AFTER my sister’s scheduled departure. Motherfucker.

The new flight, now, is that she leaves from Hayden today, which is actually kind of a good thing, because that means NO treacherous drive down out of the mountains. (Hayden is a really small regional airport, even smaller than ours, I think, and is just 20 minutes or so from where Kate lives.) But, that flight takes her to Salt lake City, where she will be until… Saturday. She’s hoping to get an earlier flight tomorrow, but for now, she gets to SLC at 4 today, and ends up here at 10pm on fucking SATURDAY. Then, flies back on Wednesday to… denver! Where she will take a shuttle service back up into the mountains to get home. Anyway. Everything happens for a reason, and I AM really glad that she isn’t inching her way through the fucking ROCKIES to get to an airport that has been closed for two days.

On another note, got the final grades from my prof, which were As, and she has submitted the paperwork for graduation. Totally, officially, done. Wow.

And finally, I have new pictures up in a December album, but I didn’t include this one, which is one of my faves — I came home form work late one night to this image and just MELTED.  You would too, if it was your two favorite people ever.

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7 Months

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Dear Ingrid,

You spent almost your entire 6th month as a charge at the campus daycare center. I was nervous about taking you, worried about how you’d do with feeding and sleep, and I knew I’d miss you, but daycare was a good place to have you while I worked on campus to finish my own schoolwork. In fact, daycare went so well, that I actually felt guilty at pulling you out — yes, me, your pretty damn crunchy mama, who nurses you and wraps you and curls up face to face with you in the big bed in the early morning, I felt guilty.

You are such a social butterfly, always grinning from ear to ear, so happy to see people! of any kind! that having hours on end of not only people, but also of babies, well, that was okay by you. You and other babies about your age would sit and look at each other, and reach out to hold each other’s hands, or to grab each other’s sleeves or to bang excitedly on the beadpath toy.  In fact, on your very last day, you were craning to see your caregivers over my shoulder as we left. The caregivers all said that you were a happy girl, and I’m so glad that you are a happy bug.

Today, you went with me so that I could present & defend my portfolio to complete my master’s degree. My advisor held you on her lap, and you would bend yourself sideways and in half to try to catch the eyes of students as they came in. The staff in the education building were so excited to see you, too — they watched me grow big as I was carrying you, and just a few days after I waddled out for the last time as a GA, you arrived. I found out about you the weekend before I started at the university as a full time grad student, and it’s sort of fitting that you were there to see me finish my degree.

In your own world, you still like to sit, and you still could care less about rolling or crawling. You WILL roll, but only out af frustration, really, and you haven’t yet figured out that rolling could be a way of getting nearer to the cat. I’m sure you will soon.  You seem to still be working onthose top two teeth, just when I think they are going to come through…. they don’t. I’m sure it won’t be long for that, either.

I’m so glad to have this time with you. This afternoon, I wrapped you up so we could go shopping, and it felt so good to have you tucked up close to me again. With the busy-ness of this last month, you’ve had a lot of time with your daddy, but we haven’t been out hardly at all! I’m so happy to be done with my work and school, and while I am looking for a job, I’m going to treasure the next few days and weeks, where it’s just Ingrid and Mama, cuddled up together in Target once again.

Your aunt kate is coming on Friday, to celebrate your first christmas with us. Grammy and Grampy will be here, too, and while it will be busy, it will be fun, and made so much more special with you here. When we bring you in to bed to sleep, usually every morning by 5, and when you’ve been sick, all night for a few nights, you like to reach out and touch one of us, for reassurance, I think.  And as you’ve gotten bigger, the cat has started to cuddle up to you, too, so that sometimes your daddy and I look across to each other and if the cat has wormed her way in, you almost always have a grip on her in some way, as you sleep. A sleeping Ingrid, clutching a sleeping fatkitty’s tail, well, it’s pretty damn cute.

We love you so much, and you are growing so fast. I can’t believe you’ve tipped past the half-year mark, and I know, I KNOW that your first birthday will come upon us like a freight train. I hope I can remember the sweet moments between now and then, and forever after.

Love, Mama

DONE DONE

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Well, that went amazingly well. I think I tend to be a little too critical of myself. For instance, I got worried when Gail said "Oh, so you didn’t do indicators?" when she saw my portfolio, but after my presentation she raved about how I didn’t NEED to do indicators, that the way I composed everything, it hit the indicators anyway. And my practicum, which I was so, so worried about, she loved, as did the other prof. Gail held Ingrid the whole time, until Miss Sara showed up — Ingrid’s awesome sitter — and Sara wanted a round, and then Jim (the other prof in the program/my boss last year/Sara’s dad) held her for awhile, and Ingrid was fascinated by his beard. The admins all cooed at her, too.

Anyway, yes, I’m way too freaking hard on myself, they loved it, thought it was great, etc etc, congratulations, you’re done. DONE!!!!

Then, my advisor watched me wrap up Ingrid and we talked for 20 minutes about our shared dislike for baby buckets, and other babywearing type stuff, since OF COURSE I have the veteran babywearer advisor.

Done! DONE! Master’s of Education in Instructional Technology, yo. ALL MINE.

10 hrs and counting

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I keep wavering between "They’re going to hate everything!’ to "It’s going to be just. fine. Re-fuckingLAX already" when I think about my portfolio defense tomorrow. I mean, if I didn’t have a kid? I think it would be way better. If I’d had an audience to teach, to do something more active than the resource project, I think it would be way better. But, I do have a kid, I don’t have an audience, and it’s DONE. It’s at least a B, i think, and so what — if my perfect 4.0 ends on a B, whatever. I’m done. DONE. Holy fuck.

Ingrid and I are going up tomorrow, I meet with my advisors at 10, and, I don’t know, show them my portfolio, I guess. WHile I have the portfolio concept down, I think I do much better talking tech, really so I can rationalize anything they question, almost for certain. Plus, there are certain things that are just default settings in my brain, that I may have overlooked or left off, but they at least know me enough to know that.  I sent the link of other portfolios and projects to a couple people, and they said that in comparison, I was okay. Good god, I hope so. Because if I leave tomorrow and they say "Graduation: Denied!" I will fucking need to call dave to come pick me up, because I won’t be able to see to drive home.

So, um, yeah. Tomorrow. 10 am EST. Send some good vibes in my direction, wouldja? Once this is over, officially done, I’ll be able to breathe again. thank god.