Thanks for any comments and emails — I’m sort of of the mind that if I say it out loud, it keeps bad shit at bay, you know?  I’ve also figured out my worst case scenario (it involves a Lifetime Movie script and the internet) and by figuring out what would suck the most, it makes the most likely outcomes far less scary.  I don’t have an appointment yet, but I’m not going to freak out.

There’s good stuff going on, too, aside from the whole "I’m STILL pregnant!" thing.  I got a letter from a former student over the weekend, Geoffrey, one of my faves.  They were all faves in their own way, but Geoffrey and I had our shared love of reality TV and Gary Paulsen books.  I had asked him to send me a postcard from Alaska, before school got out, and never got it, but whatever — he’s a 14 year old kid! The letter on Saturday was the postcard, but he mailed it with a two page typed letter because he "couldn’t fit everything he wanted to say" on the card.  It was just an update on ihg school, his new house (his mom and stepdad moved into the new house while he was with his dad over the summer, which is how he lost my address), his summer in AK, all that general stuff.  I wrote him back to thank him for remembering me, and I told him about the baby, and who my likes/dislikes were for TAR and Survivor. hee.

Dave was astounded that I got a letter in the first place.  "Kids don’t SEND LETTERS to their old teachers, you know."  I’ve gotten an email here and there from kids, and I always write back when they do.  It’s cool, though, to know I’m still remembered by them. 

School is going okay — I feel like I spent the first half in a fog, the first tri, m/c fears, etc make it feel like it never even happened, and I have some big projects due soon, and I’m looking forward to the end of the semester, because that means they’re done. But I still have to DO them. Next semester will be better, none of my classes are with jesusfreak, one is a networking class (no theory!) and one is a seminar, which will be my first. I have no idea what to expect, but I’ll find out.  And man, worst case scenario, I fuck up a project this term, I can turn it in late. This is probably the toughest, because of the classes I have — assessment, instructional design, and multimedia — all require major projects. From what I know, networking doesn’t, so that’s at LEAST one class with NO. MAJOR. PROJECT. Thank god.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to next semester.  My schedule will be different, I’ll be able to do the prenatal classes and yoga, and even my evening classes start earlier than they did this term. (My latest class this term is 5:30-8, which SUCKS. Spring06, I get out no later than 7:30. WAY BETTER. Not to mention, I won’t spend the first 10 weeks dead tired from the first tri, either.

And! At the end of the Spring semester!??!!

BABY!!

I had the hugest update ever this morning, that disappeared with one keystroke. I was Not. Happy. It’s taken me the day to come to terms with the situation. GAH.

ANYWAY.

Thanksgiving wasn’t as bad as I feared. The TV never came on, which is one of my big pet peeves of the day, so that was good.  The food was good, the house was steamy from cooking and a lot of people in a small place (and the furnace was off, so the heat was generated by all of us, and it was snowing outside, but we had to open the windows…) and it was not horrifically unenjoyable time with the ILs. 

There were moments, though, that alone aren’t THAT bad, but when you frame them in the context of "oh my god, I’m only four months pregnant, and it’s already starting" are more frustrating.  Apparently, I am an idiot in all things baby, because the two pieces of information I got were — and I’m not making this up — "babies change your life" and "babies like to bang things to make noise."  I amso not kidding. 

Now, granted, I haven’t been all GreatAunt LoveyDove with the grand nephews, as the circumstances of their arrival, and the timing of their arrival with my experience of more than a year of TTC and one miscarriage, has made me a little bitter. I can own that. But, I know some shit about babies. My friends that have them can tell you so.  If anything, I am gooooood with babies, better than you’d expect a 30 year old childless person to be, if I do say so myself. So, yeah. I get it. Babies change your life and bang shit. Check.

My MIL also sorta tried to cop a feel of the belly, which I’m still convinced is just fresh pineapple and *not* fetus, despite the fact that my scale showed a 2lb loss this week, and my doctor SHOWED me where and how big my ute was last week.  Either way, um, ew.  She didn’t touch it for very long, but it was in the process of greeting us upon our arrival, and was accompanied by "Hello, Mum." No one ELSE tried to touch me, but it’s now my big fear. I am NOT a touchy-feely person. I’m not a hugger, not one for neckrubs, and the idea of a massage creeps me out. I have BIG personal space issues. BIG.  The only person that can touch me without asking is Dave, or a little kid. That’s it.  And aint NOBODY allowed to touch my belly except Dave and my medical practitioners. So, now I’m all tweaked about Christmas, because I’ll probably pass the Just Pineapple stage by then, AND it’s The World’s Most Cramped Celebration EVER, so people are going to be bumping into me anyway.  But I do not want to become the honorary buddha of the night. Not at all. I’ve already told Dave that I’m going to be polite, but they’ll still think I’m a bitch, but that’s too bad.  He was weirded out that anyone would want to touch my belly in the first place, so is on board with me.  (And this afternoon, my folks dropped off the crib and both tried to cop a feel, and they both got snapped at.  I can snap at MY parents though, they know how I am and it doesn’t become a national crisis.  The ILs, though, eek.

Also annoying was my nephew — he and his girlfriend broke up a few months ago, so he’s living with his mom, which is where we had dinner.  The ex brought the kids over (which I think is AMAZINGLY generous of her to do, since I dread going to the inlaw events as a happily married woman that doesn’t have to chase kids – yet) and what does nephew do, while his 11 month old son is with him for his first thanksgiving, and for the first time in a while? READS THE FUCKING WALMART FLYER.  Kid headed for the stairs, mom had to fetch him. Kid headed for the glasses, mom was behind him. He held him for a picture, and that was about it. GAG. 

But, once we got home, Dave was all inspired to research baby toys. There were four kids at the dinner, my two grandnephews (18 & 11 months), the ex’s daughter (four? maybe?) and my SILs step-grandson, who is around 4 as well.  Dave spent a lot of time online pointing things to me and saying "How old til it can use this cool arm-powered car?" Hee. (We agree on no PowerWheels, and Dave wants his kid to have cool stuff, but have cheap stuff too so that our kid isn’t only revered for his sweet wheels collection. Or hers. Whatever.)

My parents dropped off the crib, which ALMOST fit through the door of the room, but not quite. Dave ended up having to take off a side, and reassemble it, but it’s all good now. For 135, can’t beat it.  I’m going to clean it up a but (some sticker residue and stuff) but it’s in the room that it will live in for the next few years, anyway. WEIRD.

Other than that, we still have two more days of no-work! This is the first time since this summer that we’ve had so much time together without some obligation, so it’s kind of cool.  Lots of work to do, but we’re able to sleep in, anyway. 🙂

This has been a strange year, from the stress of my teaching job, to the sadness of a miscarriage, to the tempered excitment at another chance at pregnancy and a change of gears from teaching to grad school,but through it all, I have plenty to be thankful for.

• My husband. Good goddamn, I have a great husband. All the low points of this year have brought us closer, made us a tighter couple, and made us have a shared appreciation for the high points.  I love him so much, and am so excited that my family is evolving with him as my partner.
• My family.  They are supportive of me, of us, of everything we do.  When I worry about the future, I am able to know that I’m lucky enough that things would never get so bad, because I have a generous family who wants us to succeed. They love my husband, they love me, and they are so excited to love the new baby.
• My friends.  I have great friends, wonderful friends who’ve opened their homes to me, opened their families to me, been there when things were bad and celebrated when things were good. 
• My home.  I love my not-so-big house, with it’s so-big yard and big ol’ trees. I love my neighborhood, I love my city, and I still get a little thrill when I pull up at night to see the porch light on.  It’s our home, and it’s so exciting to imagine sharing this home with our first kid.
• The internet. No, really.  I cannot imagine dealing with a miscarriage without it — no one close to me has had one, and it’s one of those things you don’t fully understand unless you’ve been there, and I truly don’t know what it would have been like without the IMs and others that knew exactly what I was going through.  On top of that, it’s the internet that is making having a baby more affordable, helping me make informed decisions, and giving me options beyond those two aisles at Toys R Us.  Aside from miscarrying and shopping, I’ve also been able to follow along with others’ lives, sharing the joy of a new baby, a new pregnancy, a wedding, professional accomplishments, personal accomplishments… and being able to listen in on the sad days as well, when things aren’t great.  If you’re reading this, I’m thankful for you.  If you see me in your stats, I’m thankful for what you share. 

I really wish everyone a happy thanksgiving, and I hope that you have a full list of things to be thankful of as well.

I was absolutely right, on both counts, FWIW.  I had a fabulous time with kb, and I’m TOTALLY kicking myself for not having taken the train before yesterday. Totally. So much so, that I think I’m going to try to cram in a few more trips before I end up on that other train, the Midnight run to Mamahood.

I stayed at Amy’s the night before, and caught the 8:50, which arrived at North Station at 11:20.  I’d never been to North Station before, so I was really surprised at how small it was.  I’ve been to South several times and was prepared to have to look a little harder to find kb, but nope, there she was, hanging out by McDonald’s as planned. EEEE!!! 

It was really great. Part of the reason it was so great, is that it was just like hanging out with a local friend — we had brunch in Somerville (where I was like, "ooh, someone reads me from Somerville!" but I’m a stats-junkie.  Johnny D’s anyway, mysterious Somervillian, which was totally delicious) and swung by a comics shop to visit a friend of kb’s.  We went to Trader Joe’s to get some groceries, wandered up Newbury Street and I had a hot cocoa, and just talked the whole time about everything and nothing.  It was just cool. I showcased my ability to name a stroller’s make and model from 20 paces (no, seriously, it’s bad how informed I am on strollers, and now kb knows it too) and kb showcased her ability to drive in Boston. (Did I mention I love the train?)  We parted ways around 4, and I headed to the Science Museum to try to catch an IMAX movie before my train.  There was one starting at 5 (sponsored by MathWorks, another IP address that shows up in my stats — what a geek) but it was an hour, and the ten minute walk to North Station was one I’d never taken, and my biggest travel hangup is being on-time, early, preferably, to my reserved transportation.  I skipped the movie (though, now having done the walk and having it permanently etched into my brainl, next time I wouldn’t worry about leaving the museum at 6 for a 6:45 train) but had a sandwich in the cafe and sat at the windows overlooking the Charles River, and watched night fall over the city, one of my favorite times of day in any city.  (They had little ads for some Friday night event, where you can watch an IMAX movie and then have drinks or dessert in the museum, and I thought that sounded like the best first date ever. I mean, after the first date of meeting in the brass monkey aisle of Marden’s of course. 🙂 )  I walked to North Station, which was absolutely mobbed, and it took me far too long to realize that I was in the basement of the Fleet Center (honestly, I think it was because it’s NOT the Fleet Center anymore, but the TDBanknorth Center… if it still said "Fleet Center," I would’ve gotten it sooner) and that there was a Bruins game happening.  Ahhh. So I guess  there ISN’T a discount for anyone wearing a hockey jersey . . .

My train left on time, but was delayed by a broken down freight train near Durham, so I was 1.5 hours late arriving back to Portland.  I soldiered on; it was a clear, crisp night, and I bought a coke (haven’t had a coke in ages, but thought I could use the caffeine) and sang along to Avenue Q for most of the way home.  I got in just before 1, and even with a delayed return, I STILL think the train is the best thing ever, ever. Apparently there are plans to extend the route to Freeport and Brunswick as well — which is kind of cool. Iwould love if they kept going, but I doubt Bangor would ever be added to the run. 🙁

I’ve been to NYC twice since my last day in Boston (which was to see Tenacious D in 2001, with Dave and friends) and i was surprised at how unintimidating Boston suddenly seemed in comparison.  I really, really, can’t believe I never took the train before. My round trip ticket was 44, which is the highest fare because I booked less than 3 days in advance.  With a 3day advance, it’s 36.  If I had thought it through a bit, and done the math, I could’ve gotten the student booklet — 6 one way tickets for $66, fully half-price, and even if I only went twice, and didn’t use two tickets, I’d still save money.  (Interestingly, that price is available to both college students and faculty.) Parking at Portland is 2 dollars a day.  For $46 — the highest price anyone would pay — it was TOTALLY worth it to take the train. I didn’t have to worry about tolls, gas, parking. I didn’t have to worry about finding a bathroom or a snack (they even have a cafe car, which was great when i realized I needed a bagel and juice on the way there, and when we had the delay on the way home) and they even sell T tokens on the train, which is a fabulous idea.  (I daresay that buying subway fare is one of my least favorite things — I’ve just arrived in the city, trying to get my city-legs, and I’m trying to figure out a machine while standing around with my wallet open and looking very, very, not-from-here)  I figured since I was meeting kb, I would have that extra security of Not Being Alone, but if I go down by myself, I am totally buying tokens on the train. 

I can’t wait til my kid is old enough to go on the train. I mean, it drops you off at my favorite kid-thing in Boston, the Science Museum… and then to take the T to the aquarium, or the other museums around town, that’s just so cool.  I think the train with kids would be great — the bathrooms, the ability to enjoy the trip WITH the kid, and not just be freaking out over traffic on 128 or finding a parking spot or all of that, the ability to have room to move, instead of being strapped in for 4-6 hours, plus, a TRAIN! How freakin’ cool is THAT?  I really think it’s likely that I’ll buy the student tickets, and try to get down there a few more times before it’s toolate.

Interesting factoid, as well:  My June trip to NYC was initially scheduled as a last-hurrah as a pregnant person kind of trip, and I figured it would have been a good time to travel, at 15 weeks. But I miscarried, and went anyway, and did all the things I’d planned… so how weird is it that this trip, to hang out with kb for the second time, happened at 15 weeks?  Isn’t that odd?  ANyway, it was a gorgeous day, with good friends and good food and good weather, and I’m sooo glad I went. 

I must have been a 4 year old boy in a past life, because I adore trains.  Aside from subways, I’ve only ever taken two trains as transportation in my lifetime — Sydney-Melbourne and Boston-NYC (but both round trip!) and when Amtrak first announced plans for their train service to Portland a few years ago, I was totally excited, but haven’t had any chance or opportunity to use it, until now, because *I* am going to Boston this weekend to hang out with kb, which is SO FREAKIN’ COOL.  For the price ($44 round trip) it is so worth it to avoid gas, tolls, parking, and you know, DRIVING.  AND I get to be on a TRAIN.

These are the 2 most probable results:

    1:  I will have a fabulous time hanging out with my official IRL (once you’ve eaten Indian food with them and held their infant, you move to IRL friend status, right?) friend IN A CITY (and y’all know how I love the city energy.)

    2:  I will kick my ass all the way home for not having done this trip sooner, especially since they have such a great deal for students.  And then I will probably try to suck the last juices from my childfree youth by coercing Amy to go with me at least once before I have this kid.

Either way, eeee! Boston and KB! WAY COOL, MAN.