Yep, it turns out the bulk package of tampons I bought last month will NOT go to waste.

But! I feel pretty confident that I have a 31 day cycle now, as the last two were, and the two before that average to 31 days. Now I’m considering charting, just to see. Can you chart and skip weekends? Because waking up early on weekends is SO not my style.

[interlude] Okay, I’m watching Oprah right now? And it’s a mom-swap or whatever, and this supa-riche mom left notes for the working-class mom, that included “I like to get at least an hour in with my kids each day. I need me-time.” This woman doesn’t even WORK; she and her husband go out to eat every night, but the kids get fed by the nanny. So, the working class mom read that, and started to cry, and said “This woman is SO SELFISH.” And when I say waking early on weekends is not my style, I mean in my NON-PARENT life, and I can’t help but think that I should sleep in as much as I can now, because I will never be able to again when I DO have kids. I can’t wait to see how Supa-Riches deals with being near children AND chopping wood. And I hope Working Class shows those kids that mommies can be near their kids for more than an hour a day. I’m not knocking mothers who work, or whatever, but it seems really, really fucked up to be wealthy enough to not work, and to not even EAT DINNER with your children, and to think that an hour a day — without other responsibilities — is acceptable, or whatever. [end interlude]

So, definitely not pregnant. But now I can go plug in my ol’ 31 day cycle to the ovulation 8-balls and see what comes up!!

I edited it, but I had left the previous post with a sentence fragment, see title, and I honestly don’t know what I was going for. Or why I didn’t notice it. But, I don’t think I can blame it on pregnancy, since I tested and came up with one line.

Pros: We can book plane tickets! Maybe this weekend, I will soften the blow by finding us some tickets to Florida in April.

I have been spared parenting a Gemini! (For the most part, anything can happen)

I have dodged the busy season for my parents! (They are busy a lot, but the commencement biz is nonstop in May and June.)

Cons: Any naps I have taken cannot be retroactively attributed to pregnancy. I am, apparently, just lazy.

On a similar note, I CRIED for no GOOD REASON. Ugh. I am NOT A CRIER. I could handle being ’emotionally unbalanced as a result of increased hCg levels” but not just “sobbing like a little girl.”

I may share a birthday with my offspring, as edd’s for the next month land squarely on July 2.

Yet another 2ww in my future. UGH.

I’m carrying the torch for emma and persephone, though, and while the Great Trifecta is probably not a possiblity, a Biecta? or Unecta? Would be great.

Also, I am somewhat envious of Emma’s ability to glean hereditary pregnancy symptoms from her mom. I have my sister, who doesn’t really remember much except for fear and sadness and pain, but asking my mom would just be — too much. I don’t know. I am such a private person; we used to joke that when I did get married, I would be introducing my beloved to my parents at the wedding, because I like to play my cards close to my chest when it comes to my family. (When it comes to the internet, I have no problems laying them all down, face up, though.) Asking anything about my mom’s pregnancies would set off her momdar, which is already beeping like fucking crazy, and it might just make her head explode. And then the whole point of asking her would be moot, as she would no longer be able to share the Secrets of a S****** Pregnancy. All I know from random conversations are that she craved baked potatoes, smoked through the whole thing, was overdue by two weeks, and got so big they thought I was twins, so they did an X-RAY(!) to make sure there was only one of me. There was, and she had to be induced, but I was born naturally after a week in the hospital, walking around, getting pitocin, and making friends with the staff. When I was born, I was 9lbs 4oz, so the smoking obviously affected my birthweight. Heh.

So, on to month 4? 5? Something like that.

First, I’m totally crossing everything for persephone, and can’t help but be excited to see so many posts in the 2WW. In yoga, my namaste moments go out to lots of people, and she is one of them. So, while the Clomid has given her a boost in ova, it’s also giving her a boost in posts.

In other news. boobs hurt, the smell is increased, I think. Of course, it could also be increased due to the dropping temperatures; they haven’t gone down much, but I can’t really call anything a symptom. I will say that when I went to the grocery store tonight, I could smell cigarette smoke from the outside at the registers, and when I got home, I could swear I could smell kitty litter — even though it was JUST changed (the old stuff taken to the garage) and it lives in the basement.

Then, of course, I read on IndieMOMs the countless tales of women in the first tri whose only sign was a positive pregnancy test and a lighter period, and I just keep waffling. And let’s not count out the two digsters who recently were surprised with the news at 13 & 20 weeks, respectively! ZERO signs! But, ultrasounds and expanding waistlines are proof enough.

My last three cycles have been 28, 35, and 31 days. Today is day 31, so, out of boredom, and thanks to internet discount pregnancy tests, I’ll probably end up testing tomorrow. And when it’s negative, I’ll probably wait a few days and see if I bleed, and if I don’t, I’ll try again. Crazy teeter-totter of TTC.

Also, new album on the left: Snappity. Has two pictures I took on the island that I really like, one of a spiderweb, and one of my dad on the back cliffs. I should really post some more pictures of the island; it makes the whole Maine thing a little more tangible.

This is such a bitch, the waiting. And I feel selfish saying that, considering we haven’t even tried for 6 months yet. But, it is a bitch.

My god, they are everywhere this weekend. And it’s not like I’m hanging out at Baby Depot or anything, they are just EVERYWHERE.

We went to Portland last night for the MAB awards dinner at the Marriott at Sable Oaks. (Hi, Jo!) It was lovely, Dave’s work is awesome and I was glad he got recognized for it. (1st in Campaign, 2nd in Spot, and first in Self-Promo, technically — a coworker got the credit, but Dave walked him through concept, shooting, and production, and everyone at the station knows that, but whatever. He was not credited, and that’s fine. . . I’m just sayin. Dave’s #1. 😉 ) By the time we left, Dave had started to get my cold, so we went back to our room and sacked out.

This morning, he was DEFINITELY sick. so we went for breakfast at IHOP. In Phoenix, there was an IHOP in the parking lot of the store I worked at, and I fell in love with the place. This IHOP is one of the old school ones; it;s been in the same place for more than 30 years. It’s moving up the street soon, but ahh, the old A-Frame IHOP. MMmmmm.

Anyway, apparently IHOP is where the pregnant people go on Sunday morning. They were EVERYWHERE. On BOTH SIDES of us were pregnant people. When one left, another sat down. It was kind of freaking me out.

We went to Target after some Vive le French Toast and RootyTooty goodness, to procure some tasty DayQuil and Chloraseptic lozenges for Dave, and some Black Licorice Altoids for me. MMmmmm, I LOVE black licorice, and you can never find it anymore, and the altoids are great — they are white, too, which was a plus.

We headed up the highway to Freeport, where we seemd to be 2 steps behind tour bussers no matter where we stepped, and Dave felt like ass, but he did find some stuff at Gap for work, and then we left. I decided I really needed to come back with a woman who was not sick. I saw some neat stuff, but didn’t want to slow dave down by trying stuff on. We made it home relatively early, and Dave took a nap in the guest room while I washed the bedding in our room.

Then, I went shopping. I went to the health food store for almond butter, honey, and republic of tea ginger peach, and I went to Target for cleaning supplies. Babies, everywhere.

I went to the mall, where they were even more everywhere. I was excited to see somany people walking around HOLDING babies, there were a few stroller-types, but a lot of tiny babies, swaddled up in fleece and being held close. I saw several dads carrying around newborns, and women, too. It was just ALL BABY.

ANd when it’s all baby, I can’t help but think and wonder about myself, about my friends, about all those who are waiting to be that person in IHOP, cutting up pancakes for a toddler and passing on coffee because of the baby inside. Or to be one of those people in the mall, getting the glances from people like me, wandering around unfettered by even a handbag, enjoying the freedom while I can. The stores I noticed this time, on our overnight, were the Babies R Us by Target, and the outlets right off the highway, with Carter’s and Gymboree, and the Children’s Place. And those fleecy buntings, on sale at the LLBean clearance outlet, and that the Gap Outlet now has MATERNITY AVAILABLE UPSTAIRS.

Despite the huge surge in babyness, the cravings intensifying by the day, if I had to choose this month, between me and someone else, I wouldn’t pick me.

I have chicken soup on the stove, groceries in the cupboard. Today has felt like the first fall day of this year, and it’s time to snuggle in, get the down blanket from the dryer and make the bed up for a night of good sleep. And eat some chicken soup, and wonder, about everything.

Last night, I had yet another baby dream. Kind of.

I dreamt that as we were getting ready to go to lunch, my co-teacher said to the kids “Don’t forget to congratulate Mrs. S, because she’s pregnant! You guys can go!” And she sent the kids off to lunch. Then I was all pissed: I didn’t know I was pregnant, and the kids! They would be so disappointed, again! (I April Fooled them this year with a sonogram image) But how did co-teacher even know? She didn’t did she? It was weird.

I told her about it this morning, with a hearty HAHA at the end, and co-teacher, who’s sort of a neo-pagan type, said “that’s so weird. There seems to be some a lot of pregnancy energy around you lately. Who knows, maybe you are!” And she has no idea that it’s an option, at this point. At all. I just HAHA’d again, and moved on.

And then promptly felt nauseous when lunch was what I had dreamed about: french bread pizza.

Now, it’s not like lunch is a big mystery, but I’ve been checking lunch day by day. And the nausea thing was probably just the result of this weird cold virus I’ve been playing chicken with.

But still. One more week.