Monthly Archives: March 2005

Just Right

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I spent the day on campus, working in the lab on projects for my grad class.  The prof left at 4:30, and left me to lock up, and I left at around 6:30 with 2.75 projects completed. The sun had just set, the air was cooling with nightfall, and I felt so. alive.

This is what I want. I love the university, love it.  I love walking out of the ed building and hearing the pep band practicing across the street.  I love the people on benches, on cellphones and drinking cofffee.  I love the little clusters of people, smokers in trench coats, frat guys with backwards baseball caps and smelling like Axe, hackysackers in a patchouli haze on the steps of the library.  The carillon chimed for the half hour, and I was bummed that I hadn’t caught it on the hour to hear what was playing this month.  (My favorite is when they play "rainbow connection.")

I ate lunch in the union, sunlight streaming in, glinting off of the stairstep fountain in the middle of the atrium.  There were professors, and students, and a table full of schoolkids on a class trip.  There were skateboards and people on the stairs, drinking in the sunshine and spring air, reading textbooks and novels or working on laptops or their tan.

I talked to my prof about the lab assistant position, and it’s already filled. However, the ed dept. is going to be requiring all students to have iBooks next year, and they are working on funding for a GA to help with implementation.  It’s almost more perfect a position for me than lab assisting, so send your energies this-a-way, because I really, really want to be on campus next year.

Heh, yeah.

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I told the kids today, and, predictably, they were dumbfounded. And a little pissed.  The best comment came from one of my favorites, a kid who is street smart out of necessity, but really, really bright.  He asked what I was going to do next year, so I talked about IT and grad school, and he thought a minute and said:

"So, basically, you’re going to ened up making like, three times as much money, and then come back and say ‘Take THAT, [schoolname]!" 

That’s the plan, I guess. 🙂

Well, then.

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On my way to break, I overheard a group of 6th graders postulating about who they wanted for teachers next year, and had to smile when I heard several say "Mrs S!" and others agreeing earnestly.

On my way back from break, I went over my evaluation with my principal, where, overall, I did really well.

At 2:30, I was summoned to the superintendent’s office.

By 2:40, I was saying "Well, honestly, I wasn’t planning on coming back, anyway."

By 3:00, every middle school teacher, my union president, and two specials teachers had offered their own version of "You’re fucking kidding me."

At 3:45, I was talking to uni guy #1, who is putting my name out to some of his contacts.

At 4:00, I was signing up for fall classes and talking about a lab assistant position that’s due to open in the fall.

By 8:00, I was in my jammies eating eggplant parmesan and trying to stay awake for the Amazing Race tonight.

So, I was told that I will not be nominated for a continuing contract tomorrow.  The big thing I danced around a while ago was that my school is doing away with multiage, and reverting to a junior high model, with single subject, unteamed teachers who don’t integrate a damn thing.  Just, ERGH.  I’m glad I’m leaving, kind of . . . embarrassed, I guess, that it’s not on my terms, but whatever.  My kids are not going to be happy.  I’m telling them tomorrow, to make sure they know that it’s not THEIR fault, that I’ve decided to leave to pursue other opportunities, tell them about grad school, etc etc.  But I KNOW it’s going to suck.

And, deep down, in my unbearable fatigue tonight, I can’t help but think "Maybe this is a sign. Lose your job, gat a baby! Make them feel bad!"  Heh. We’ll see. As far as ‘symptoms,’ I’m super tired, but what else is new?

So Much!

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Egads.  Wonky internet service, and a probable broken router, and that finds me logging in through seventeen diferent wires strung like a spiderweb around the guest room. FUCKING A.  On a good note, the same router we have, that maybe got a virus? is only ten bucks after rebate, so it’s worth it to try a new router, really.  Oh well.

Updates:

I am on Day 7 of the 2WW, and have yet to obsess too much. Hardly at all, really.  I know that my tits are itchy, and that I’ve been stopped up for a fucking WEEK, regardless of the fiber and liquids I eat, and that I’m tired, but I am ALWAYS tired after ovulation, and especially when it’s pouring rain.  That Shaw’s has a Dunkin Donuts inside only  made sense to me today, when it was my motivation to go back out in the raint to get the groceries I couldn’t get yesterday, due to Easter. Whoops.  One small mocha&coconut latte later, I was loading 8 bags of groceries into the back of the Outback.

Other things: I was observed, and got my eval, which didn’t totally suck, except for saying I need to be more "controlling" in the classroom.  I still have to meet with the admin to go over the eval, but whatever, have I mentioned that I’m done in June? Cannot. Wait.

I have my uni conversation tomorrow, which is also a big can’t wait type of thing, we’ll see how that goes.  Oh! OH!

I never emailed Marilyn about the asshole who was threatening the macs, because I figured I’d wait til I saw her again. HOWEVER, I am really wondering if there was some conversation that happened somewhere, because today the dipshit cornered me in the break room again.

"You know, I got to thinkin,’ maybe I just need to spend more time usin’ a mac before I say I can’t." 

Long story short, he now wants me to show him how to use the macs.  "TO right click, mostly" but hey, that’s cool.  And I will, because that’s how he SHOULD be, receptive to new technology.  Then, on the way out, he said "you should do this for the university, go around and teach old guys like me how to use all this stuff, because you were right, schools are using all kinds of different stuff these days."

I WAS RIGHT! BWAHAHAHAHAH!. Yes. Yes, I was. Mmmmm, Crow.

Not much else. Three weeks til vacation, one day til my uni meeting, ten weeks til school is out, 2 days til nominations for continuing contracts. (I want to be nominated, so that I can change my license from provisional to professional, and have it on my resume, and if I’m not, the only real blow would be to my ego, but whatever, I think we know by now that I don’t mesh with the admin and the direction they want to go with their jr high.) Oh, and  days til I have any idea of offspring. Sigh.

Techie with Tits, Vol. 2

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Last week, I wrote about the student teacher/asshole who was arguing tech with me, and had zero clue.  The discussion was in the teacher’s room, and the only other person present was the PE teacher, who is a friend, and later said "I don’t know what you were talking about, but you knew more than he did!"

Yesterday, she came and found me while I was eating lunch.

"Gretchen! I have the best thing to tell you."

Apparently, the jerkwad was in the hall, talking to an ed tech and complaining that he couldn’t get online from any computer in the school.  The ed tech was one from this summer’s tech academy, and she is very, very novice at computers, however, she was telling him "You just log in, and click on it, and you’re on . . ." She was perplexed, because it didn’t make sense.  Except for the iBooks in middle school, the rest of the building is run on Linux. The PE teacher heard this, so she offered to show him how to log in.  He logged in, and she said "Now, click on the internet."

"But there IS no Internet!"
"Yes, there, is, you know, the WORLD with a MOUSE. That’s the Internet."
"No, it’s not, I hold the mouse over that and it says ‘WEB BROWSER.’  I want the INTERNET."

She clicked on it, and said "This IS the Internet."

MOTHERFUCKER doesn’t even know what a WEB BROWSER is.  She was THRILLED to have had to take part in the exchange, because she rann me and said "GUESS WHAT! Even I know what a WEB BROWSER is!!"

I am so, so tempted to go to him and say "Hey, I heard from an ed tech [who he has sarcastically said "I guess I’m not as smart as an ED TECH." in conversation, asshole] that you could use some help learning how to use the Internet.  Would you like me to help you, while you eat this pile of roasted crow?"

Karma

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As most of you all know, I’m a big, big believer in everything happening for a reason.  Heaven, hell, god, not so much.  Fate? Absolutely.

The tax situation, at last update, was that we owed about 1k, IF I put 2k in my IRA.  I deposited the 2k, and have been waiting til the last minute to file and pay the actual tax.  Since then, though, I got paid for doing the tourney games (300) and a check for being part of a tech study (200) and some miscellaneous checks (100), and now, I’ve sold my car to the first buyer (500).  Add that up, and you get almost EXACTLY what we need for our tax bill, without going into our savings or checking account.  Sure, I had to deposit the 2k to my IRA, but honestly, that will pay off in the end, anyway.  Awesome.

My car sold, but I still have it, because they need to get plates and the last 100 bucks to me.  I did feel slightly shady getting twenty 20 dollar bills counted out to me by the dumpsters behind the Ground Round, but such is life.

Options

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You know, I have a lot of options for my post-current teaching job, and more are bubbling under the surface. I saw my former Americorps supervisor at the library, and she mentioned that she is quietly looking for work near her boyfriend (yay! she has a great boyfriend!) who lives an hour and a half away. “If I do leave, though, I’ll email you because I’m sure they would LOVE to have you here.” (I never worked FOR the library, but my office was IN the library, so I spent a year there and got to know the staff, etc.) Then, yesterday, LLBean announced plans for a call center to be opened about four minutes from my house, and I thought “OOH, I could totally be a corporate computer trainer, and I have all that call center experience from Envisionet, etc . . .” I asked one of our tech people here, who used to work at Bean’s in Freeport, what she thought and she said “SEND YOUR RESUME!
Send it now, to Freeport, and tell them what you’re thinking you could do, you have the personality they look for; send it!” I have my meeting at the university on Tuesday. I am starting the science club, whose final product is to do a Challenger Learning Center mission, which is another one of those “make sure they know my name, just in case,” options.

It’s been a month since I really, truly said to myself “I’m done. This is it.” And I plugged my nose and closed my eyes and have jumped — and I think I’m going to resurface in good shape.

(And, as an aside, any insider LLBean employee info would be interesting to ponder. It’s a long shot, but what the hell. Email me.)

Numbers, Waiting, etc.

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Well, the GOF schedule went as planned, basically, Friday, Sunday, Monday, and maybe tomorrow.  I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday, though, which would make my 2WW end on 4/4, and the EDD 12/12.  Is there any good omen in such double numbers? Although, a 12/12 birthday would be shared with none other than Bob Barker, which, since watching TPIR is our favorite guilty pleasure on federal holidays. could be easily construed as a sign. Heh.

I feel pretty good about our odds this month. But, then again, I have felt pretty good about our odds every other month.  This one, though, is improved by last cycle’s ovulation revelation (I do!) and this month’s fertility signs and such, and I feel like this month and last were MUCH more accurate and that we tried as hard as possible, so the confidence lifts. That probably makes no sense, but, fuck it, I feel good about this month.

I was leaving class tonight, bloated with gas (and I’m uhhh, stopped up) and having to pee, and tired from my day, and while I didn’t go "ooh! SYMPTOMS?" I did think "Hmmm, is this what it’s like? This kinda sucks." 

And so. I wait. Sigh.

Glow

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This morning, getting ready, I caught an image of myself in the mirror. I was pulling on my underwear, and when I stood up, my belly was caught in a burst of sunshine, glowing through the pulled curtain.
It hit at just an angle that it was only my belly, the rest was still in shadow, and I paused for a minute, and wasn’t thinking “I’m so fat, god, look at that, blech..” but “Please, this time let it happen, please, please please…” The filtered sunlight warmed my skin, and was broken by the sun passing behind the neighbor’s chimney.

And the wait begins.

C25K Update

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Well, as I mentioned, this week kind of sucked.  Monday was freezing rain when I got home, class Tuesday, student teacher talk and IL Pizza Wednesday, Thursday, I was a slackass, but! But!  I did go out on Friday and Sunday.  I did my route, 2 running segments on Friday (with asthma attack and shin splints) and 3 segments today (just the shins, on the third one.)  i have my Enell sports bra, and as Dave said "Wow, they don’t move AT ALL in that thing," and now I wish I had a Belly Bra, because with the boobs retrained, my gut is bouncing. Oh well. That’s the point.

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