Monthly Archives: September 2006

3 dumb things

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1.  In ordering a wedding present for our friends’ wedding next month, I’ve been trying to find out the bride’s last name. It’s a color name, and I wasn’t sure if it had an E at the end or not, and I called Dave to ask Matt, but he wasn’t there, and I started to google it, until I realized I was — and had been — looking at TWO of their registries. No E.

2.  I have a mix CD that I listen to a lot in the car, and it has La Vie Boheme, from RENT, on it, and I thought originally that the line was "To Gouda, to Buddha, To Roto-Rootah" and I didn’t quite get why Roto-Rooter was part of the bohemian lifestyle, or why it was pronounced with a Boston or Maine accent… until I really listened and realized "OH! PABLO NERUDA! OF COURSE!" And apparently, it’s To Uta, not Gouda. Gouda makes more sense than Roto-Rootah, though.

3. After HOW MANY years? I just realized that one of my NYC LJ friends username is an anagram of her real name. I always wondered what it meant, and just kind of imagined that it was some sort of polish casserole. I have no idea why, but I can hear someone saying, "oh, I’ll bring the Rh——–sko if you bring the sausage!"

EDITED 7/17/07 — in the Import, the comments got separated from the post, and they were as follows:

AHH!! I didn’t realize that either!

Posted by:
Breana |
September 28, 2006 at 10:55 AM

I didn’t, either!  All this time I thought it was something in Italian, or Polish, or…

Posted by:
molly / laM |
September 28, 2006 at 11:58 AM

(The name anagram, I mean.)

Posted by:
molly / laM |
September 28, 2006 at 11:58 AM

augh!  it IS!  I always thought like, some kind of rhubarb dish.

Posted by:
yam |
September 28, 2006 at 12:05 PM

Ingrid’s
new lovey is similar to two that O has. She loves them and the fact
that we only let her have them in bed and in the car sometimes proves
to be difficult. She sometimes squeal "Taggies!" when it’s time for bed.

Posted by:
kb |
September 28, 2006 at 08:48 PM

HAaahahaHaaahaha!

Yes, yes indeed it is!

I f*cking love it…

Posted by:
rhubelerosko |
September 29, 2006 at 01:27 PM

I didn’t get that either!  doh!

Posted by:
whylime |
September 30, 2006 at 04:41 PM

Boobie Club

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I’m C&P’ing this from onbe of my forums, because I wanted to share it here too …

"I just got home from my first LLL meeting. It is right after the baby
storytime at the library, so we zoomed over to check it out. Short
version, I’ll probably go again, but there are some eye-rolly things
about the event.

Long version —

Leader with 3 kids, age
8-2 or 3, seems very nice, homeschooler (which, like BFing/Formula
always sort of puts me in weird spot, having been a teacher), and the
other co-leader was on vacation. 3 other moms there — 1 with a 2.5
year old and 6 month old, nursing both, one with an 11mo old,
exclusively pumping, and one with a baby just 2 weeks younger than
Ingrid, then, of course, me and Ingrid.

The meeting started off
with this super lame word search, where we had to find words like
"MECONIUM" and then discuss why Bfing kicked all kinds of ass wrt the
found word.  I sort of slipped out of polite new member mode when we
got near the end, and the word "ORTHODONTIA" and the leader was all
kindergarten teacher and said "And what do we know about breastfeeding
and ORTHODINTIA?" and I said "That all their teeth fall out after
growing in sideways if you breastfeed."  The mom of the 4 month old
cracked up, but then I felt bad, but seriously. WORDFIND. OMG,
seriously.

After the wordfind, we discussed issues — the EP mom
needed help with her supply, and was talking about pain, and the LLL
leader suggested Lansinoh before she pumped, and I said "you know, I
foundit really gummy, but the <health food store> sells some
nipple cream by Mother Love that is GREAT" and the LLL leader got all
party-line on me and said "At LLL we only recommend 100% organic UPS
blahblah certified Lanolin." Oh, whoops. Whatever, I love the ML cream
when I need it, which is rare.   The mom of the 4 month old then sort of commiserated with
me about the gumminess of lansinoh, so I felt a little validated with
that.

The tandem nursing mom nursed in the room, both kids, and
the leader nursed her 2-3 year old, and I nursed Ingrid, but the other
mom of 4 mo old disappeared for a while, and I think it was to nurse,
which was sort of odd to me, but hey, whatever works. At the end, we
talked because she was interested in my sling, and Ingrid was fussy so
I told her to email me to get together so she could try them on, so I
kind of became a renegade babywearing recruiter. (No other slings
there, and they were all impressed by the KKAFP.)  And that convo led
to my bringing up my local mom website project, which everyone was
excited about, so it didn’t feel like a total wash. And I do support
the mission/cause of LLL, so I sort of feel like "even if I don’t
necessarily like it or get much out of it" (Seriously, a fucking WORD
FIND) it’s good to stand in solidarity for the cause, you know?

The other thing that I didn’t like was the term "artificial feeding."
I’m a big fan of the First Rule is Feed The Baby, and bottle/formula
feeding isn’t fucking FAKE, it’s still FEEDING YOUR BABY. "Artificially
fed" sounds like you’re trying to fake out the baby with one of those
magic baby-doll bottles or something."

So, yeah, I think I’ll go again, regardless. I sort of feel like I’m a touch too mainstream (I felt a bit like outing myself as an educator was akin to showing up with Crunch bars to pass around), but I’ve struggled with that before. I was really surprised that I was a slinging novelty, though, so maybe I’m just crunchier in different places. I also think that if LLL is always just crunchy hippies, mainstream moms will always feel like outcasts, and then, what mission is that serving, you know? It’s the same way I feel about nursing in public, if I get wiggly/nervous about it, I just say FUCK IT and figure I’m doing it for the cause, that if no one ever does, no one will ever see it, and it will never be accepted. IF LLL is only exclusive to the crunchiest of crunch, then why bother going — except to be a less-crunchy, but still proudly-breastfeeding, mom.

Storytime was cool, though, I walked in with a girl I student taught with, that I apparently hadn’t seen in AGES, since she now has an almost 1 year old, and we caught up for a bit, and another mom there was a sub in my room lots of times, and she’d been subbing some at that school and had seen pics of Ingrid, too.  Ingrid, again, loved storytime.

When we’re home all day and don’t go out, I can really see going back to work, that Ingrid would probably do really well in daycare, and all of that. But when we do go out? When we have a morning like today, where we have storytime and then LLL (where she first napped in the sling and then stared wide-eyed at the kids) and stuff like that? It’s so much harder to ponder.  When we left the library, my former classmate got into a big shiny Pathfinder, and she had talked inside that she was going to be a SAHM until the kids were in school (only one now, but obviously planning for another) and I was really struck with envy at that, as I got into my 9 year old uninspected Subaru.  I have NO idea what her financial situation is, maybe she’s up to her neck in debt, you know? But still, I was envious of her situation, at how… decided it was. Mine isn’t, not at all — I’m working p/t now, a seasonal job, even, and trying to figure out when to find the time to finish my damn degree… and if I got a p/t daycare spot, I could sub, I guess, but maybe my seasonal job will extend after peak, but.. I just don’t KNOW! You know? And as far as having  a second, I have ZERO idea what our situation will be then. NONE. At all. And here this girl is just home until her hypothetical second kid goes to school. I shared this thought with dave, in the spirit of sharing, not in the spirit of "You need to get a better job!" (and I told him that, outright), but yeah, it’s just hard not KNOWING how long this will last, what comes next, etc. I feel really lucky that I’ve been as at-home as I have been, but it’s so odd not knowing when it will really… end, or whatever. So odd.

4month stats

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Ingrid had her 4 month appointment today, where she was found to weigh 14 pounds, and be 26 inches long, and I forget the head measurement, but whatever it was, it stayed on the curve she was on last time — she’s still long, lean, and smart — 50th% for weight, 95th for height, and 75 for head.  Her shots went much as last time, with the added polio one — shrieked at the first one, stopped crying by the bandaids, tucked into the pouch while we checked out, and asleep in her carseat before we got to the street.  She slept much of the afternoon, and got some Tylenol, which she’s been getting anyway as she cuts that second tooth. I anticipate it coming through in the next 24 hours.

Work has been fine — really fine, actually. I really like having a pretty mindless job, and I’m kicking all kinds of ass, according to my two performance checks. I sound professional, have the system down, know how to talk to people, etc, and the people listening in totally recognize that. I mean, yeah, it’s a phone job, but damn, I go in, sit down, work, and leave, and that is IT.

School, however, is my number one source of anxiety these days. I’m soclose! SO CLOSE! And I feel like I’m finishing the end of this race on my hands and knees, pulling a sled loaded with anvils to the finish line. I mean, I’ll finish. I will. But it’s so hard to get stuff done with Ingrid during the day (school wise) and then I’m working at night, or Dave is, or I have class…. class is easy, I can get to class, participate, discuss, all of that — it’s everything else that is dragging me down.  I sort of wish I could go into a vacuum for a day or two, and get it all done, have no outside worries and be well on my way to DONE, and I AM, technically – I mean, it’s PAID for ferfuckssake, I just need to FINISH.  If I were JUST working in the evenings, and taking care of Ingrid during the day, I’d feel pretty good. But work and Ingrid are both happening withthis low murmur of "schooooolll" in the background. I’ve actually been thinking I should see if I can come in to work early on the nights I can, just to sit in the breakroom and work on school stuff. Cheaper and close than Starbucks, and then only occupying one night of scheduling.

Update

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FatKitty is diabetic, and $227 later, we have a supply of insulin (and syringes, and a sharps container) and prescription food. The vet knows that answering that question of "but, how much will it cost?" with "oh, $3 a day" is the way to get you to keep going — smokers pay almost twice that, daily, to support a habit, so what’s a little kitty insulin, eh? Sigh. We gave her her first dose tonight, and fed her immediately afterwards, so I hope it works. Basically, we’ll reassess when we near the end of this first supply of stuff. I was initially worried about the every-12-hour thing, but the vet, and handout we got, says that they will do okay without it for 2 or 3 days, which makes me feel better — we can still go to the mountain for the night or whatever, and she won’t DIE or anything. Also? FatKitty now weighs 11 pounds. Um, that’s SIX less than in February, and 12 less than her all-time high, when many of you folks out there first became acquainted with FK. That’s alotta pounds to drop. (Ironically, today I hit the 6lb mark with my 1/2 assed WW mission.)

In other, bigger news? INGRID HAS A TOOTH. It popped through today, and I was feeling for it all day, but it was actually in STAPLES, of all places, that I felt that little razor-like sliver. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to tell the difference between tooth and gum, since gums are pretty hard, too, but OH, I CAN NOW. Bottom, front, on her right. And the left doesn’t look too far behind. That broke through at 4months and 3 days, for the record.  No more gummy grins! Sob.

Fat Kitty

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Fk has had some adjustment issues, since Ingrid arrived, but nothing endangering Ingrid… just, pooping next to the oil tank and not in her box, being ferociously hungry, and even — gasp! — losing weight. But, this all started after we brought home the new baby, and as far as the baby is concerned, she’s fine.  A few days ago, though, she started sounding really loud on the stairs. We finally observed her yesterday, and it seemed like she just couldn’t get traction with her hind legs, so I did some googling and internet questioning, and what I found pointed to feline diabetic neuropathy, an effect of diabetes. I called the vet, he called me back, and said that almost certainly, she’s diabetic. We’d tested her in February, and it had come out okay, but the vet said they can slip in and out of it, so she could’ve been out of it when she was tested, but when they get neuropathic, it’s there to stay, and we needed to bring her in. 

Today, we go in at 2:40, and will hopefully get some answers about the financial costs and quality of life issues for the cat. We simply can’t afford an expensive maintenance treatment, and that sucks, but she’s 12, andhas given us (and dave before Us) a lot of good years.  We’re really sad about the possibility of having to make That Decision, and keep joking, darkly, "well, we could wear black pants again… or get a corduroy comforter…."

The thing is, I thought that if she could hang on until we had The Baby, making the euthanasia decision would be easy. Pets aren’t kids! Once you have a kid, your perspective shifts, and the baby cat is now Just a Damn Cat, right? Well, of course we love Ingrid differently, but FK has been so good with Ingrid, and Ingrid has recently discovered the cat, and is fascinated by her. And FK has been so docile with Ingrid; we often hold Ingrid up to her to pet her, because she loves the fur, and she might grab a handful of neck, or a paw, or ear, and FK could care LESS. She just takes it and we release Ingrid’s grip, scratch FK’s ears and everyone’s happy.

If we decide to euthanize, it won’t be today. We’d probably take the weekend or so to love up the cat, and get some pics (okay, totally tearing up even considering it!) and do it next week or so. We likely won’t replace the cat, because of my allergies, because we have a baby and all of that, so it’s just fucking sad. Sad sad sad. I’ll keep you posted.

On a happier note, here’s my most recent video of Ingrid, and that’s my disembodied, slightly stuffed up voice sounding foolish in the background.

LookitIngrid!

Storytime

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One of the things I was really looking forward to as a mama, was to do things like storytime at the library with my kiddo, and today, we did. I almost thought we weren’t going to make it — it’s from 9:15-9:35, and we often don’t get up til almost 9.  Today, though we got up early, got ready, and at 8:55, Ingrid got fussy and needed to nurse for a good long time, and then she looked sleepy, so I almost bagged it, but at the last moment, I decided screw it, if she freaks and we need to leave, we will. Then we got detoured because part of 14th was closed, so we were a few minutes late, but I’m SO GLAD WE WENT.

Ingrid? LOVED IT. I worried that 4 months would be too young, and we’d be the freaks at Mother Goose (which is billed to be for 0-24 months), but we totally weren’t. Yes, most kids were older, but we squeezed in next to a baby just a month older than Ingrid, and had a great time. Ingrid LOVED it. The librarian did lots of songs-with-action, like one about toast and the baby Pops! up, and one about a rocket ship that zooms away, and that was fun. The first song, the one we were late to, was one that the librarian went around the room and said each kids name, and the walkers went to the middle of the circle when they were called (because the song was something like "Ingrid in the middle!") and the babies got held up, and when it got to Ingrid, and I held her up, and everyone at the end of her verse said "YAAAAY!" and clapped, holy shit, Ingrid thought that the world had finally recognized her genius and responded appropriately. She LOVED LOVED LOVED it. Beamed the whole time at other babies, other mamas, wouldturn around and look at me with an expression of what I’d like to think was indicating "Holy shit, mama, thanks for bringing us here!" 

After the organized activity, there was minging… one woman came over and said "How do I know you, and it was from my teaching job, so we talked for awhile, and then another mom came over and said "I like your sling, who makes that one?" I told her (it was my KKAFP) and then she basically gave me her mama-biography in one sentence. She said "I just ordered a maya sling, so that I can nurse the new baby and still keep track of Nora." Which, interpreted, means "I babywear, too, and breastfeed, and didn’t name my kid Neveah."  All while looking at me through Cool Mom Glasses (a la one of my internet mama friends, the funky glasses that signal a mama of a certain persuasion….)  The other mamas glasses were square, black plastic, and mine are the same, but with rhinestones. ANyway, it was one of those mama moments where you just want to say "Cool! Let’s go to the bagel shop, nurse in public, and bitch about the president!"  I’m really looking forward to next week.

I’m also thinking about pressing my luck and trying a La Leche League meeting. I mean, I kind of don’t get the concept if you’re pretty good with the whole nursing thing, like, what do you talk about? "Yep, I lactate. Still lactating. Oh, and hey! I lactate!" But because Ingrid was so stoked to see other babies, it might just be another venue for her to get some free baby action, you know? And, if it sucks, we leave! Not a problem!

Today was good. Today made me want to figure out a part-time work situation when I finish my degree, so that I can do storytime with Ingrid. Even if it was something where I always took Wednesday mornings off. 

SPeaking of school, I’m really excited to be done. I have a lot to do, but I’ve hit this wall, after being a student for 6 years, I’m really, really ready to get my M Ed and hang it on the wall, and have a break from classes, and maybe, gasp, just Work for a while, not work+school, or now, the triple whammy, work+school+ingrid. I’m ready. to. be. done. Almost there.

Dear Self

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Dear Self, ca. 1990-something,

I know that between dying your hair black, smoking as many Camel Lights as you can, and living off toast and yogurt is taking up a lot of your time right now, but seriously, I have something to tell you.

Someday, you are going to be in a Kohl’s department store (I know, I know, you have no idea what that is, but it will be part of that whole Other Side of Stillwater development that is coming, and you will sound like an old fogey when you say "I remember when this was all a field! ANyway. Kohl’s is a store your mom would love right now, and trust me, you’ll end up there, too) looking at BABY CLOTHES, desperately trying to find a long-sleeved, plain, not white onesie that doesn’t say anything like "Poops, I did it Again!" and you will have — get this — a REAL LIVE BABY strapped to your chest. And not just someone you’re babysitting for, or anythiing, it will be YOURS. And that baby is going to spit out her pacifier, look straight at you, and giggle for the first time unprovoked by tickling or fart noises, and you will freeze, absolutely FREEZE in your tracks, and try to think of what caused the giggle.

Decoding The Cause will then make you realize, oh my god, you’re one of Those People, talking in BABY TALK to your baby in PUBLIC. IN PUBLIC! And you will be the fool mom taking two steps, stopping, looking down at this 4-months-old-that-day baby and saying "Oh! HIII BABY!" with your eyes all wide and your voice, seriously, your VOICE, in a high pitch. Hand to god. And you will weave among the racks doing that for a good five minutes, being rewarded with a giggle at every lurching stop, and you won’t give one rat’s ass what other people are thinking of you, because having your baby giggle, mostly unprovoked, in public, in a FUCKING KOHL’S, will be the best thing that has happened to you all week. Seriously.

I just wanted to let you know that. Oh, and also? Growing out that black dye will be SUCH a pain in the ass, and smokes will cost like 5 bucks a pack in a few years, in THE STATES even, so you should really just quit now. Then you’d have more money for politically charged bumper stickers.

Love, (Oh, get over yourself and quit rolling your eyes at all the LOVE shit),
Gretchen

Month 4

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Dear Ingrid,

Sorry about last month. We spent your 3 month birthday (and your Daddy’s 31st birthday) (and your Grandma and Grandpa’s 34th anniversary) at the lake, eating sandwiches and cookies and swimming and water-biking and doing all kinds of fun stuff that was far, far, away from Mama’s iBook.  You didn’t like the cold water, so much, but you did like napping in your sun tent, and Mama and Daddy enjoyed going for a bike ride while Grandma and Grandpa watched you sleep. Next summer, you will be big enough to splash around, and maybe even wear a life jacket and go on the bikes with us.

In the last week or so, it seems you’re getting ready to sprout your first tooth. You had some hard nights, where you needed to nurse 5 and 6 times, but you’re getting better, we think. Your nose is runny, and you have a bit of a chin rash, and you really don’t like the snot-sucker at all, but I guess it will be worth it to have your very own tooth. It makes mama a little sad to lose the gummy grin so early, but that’s what mamas have to get used to.

You’ve rolled over a few times, unattended, and out of sight, but we’ve found you on your back once or twice, and we didn’t put you there. (Because you can roll over, and because your head control is so strong, we now feel safe to put you on your belly, which is your preferred position.. just like mama!)

We’ve had to retire some of your first toys. Your bouncy seat has been set aside, in favor of your new exersaucer, and while you haven’t yet exactly figured out is that YOU are moving yourself in a circle, and when you realize you are looking in a new direction, you get very excited. Once you figure out the bouncy-bounce part, I think you’ll be extra-super excited.

This month, mama went back to school and started a new job, which meant that you and Daddy now have more alone time than before, and that you have a sitter once a week. It’s going well, though, and you seem to like Miss Sara okay, and of course you are your Daddy’s number one fan, so any time with him is going to be alright for you! On the weekends, we have been doing family stuff — picnics at the waterfront, hanging out in the hammock, going for walks in the woods — all fun stuff that is so muchbetter with baby Ingrid around.

Your personality is bubbling up every day. You wake up so happy, joining mama and daddy in bed and sitting up against us, smiling so broadly the backs of your ears almost touch, it seems. You love to snuggle, and you love when FatKitty gets on the bed with us. You two are getting acquainted, you both look at each other with fascination, each thinking "If I could fit you into my mouth, I totally would."  FatKitty doesn’t mind it when you grab her fur or her paw, and she loves when she gets a mama-guided ear scratch from baby Ingrid.

You are growing and changing so fast, and sometimes I just want to freeze time, freeze these moments and just stay here forever, soaking in all the joy you find in simple things like the sun through the trees or the first feel of soft fur under your hands. But that’s not what being a mama is about, being a mama is about trying to remember those moments as best she can, and trying to make sure to see the wonder everyday.

I don’t have many (good) pictures this month, having Grandpa’s D70 for so long has spoiled us terribly, but I am trying to take more pictures every day. So, instead of photos, here is a video of your giggle. You laugh like an old man, I think, with a hint of sarcasm.  I always wondered what my baby’s laugh would sound like, when it arrived, and now I know: perfect.

Ingrid Giggles

Love, Mama

two things

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1. I bought the damn Metro bag, in peacock blue/chartreuse/peacock blue. Dave just about choked at the price, but that’s okay, since I worked all week with this carrot ahead of me, and I really should have a bag for my new job, I’ve discovered — how quickly one gets used to having their own designated space, as I have for the last oh, five years? No office or desk means portable workplace means NEW DAMN BAG. And so it is. FWIW, it holds my camera, my diapering ziploc (which will likely be inserted as necessary, tho I may put one diaper in the zipper pocket as backup backup, my wallet, my headphone thingies, etc, just fine. It will also hold a water bottle, but not a fat Nalgene, but I can get that through work or whatever.

2.  I. Finished. My. Damn. Paper. Signed, sealed, delivered. That’s one more class wrapped up; I justneed to do my portfolio and a little paper for that class, and I am done with uh, the Spring semester. But, the paper that really hung over me all this time is DONE. D-O-N-E DONE.

Training is over, I rocked, it was mostly a boring PITA, but it worked out. I got better with pumping each day (go, fenugreek!) and Ingrid never had formula, and I think this will be a good work situation for the next few months overall. I mean, I get a discount on a new Boat&Tote, so that’s cool. Hee. (Really, I do want one, so that I can carry my pump and stuff to work, or my uni stuff to class, or whatever. The Metro is my daily bag, and I figure the B&T will be the big turtle-shell that everything ELSE gets shoved into, kwim?)

Day 1 Report

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The quick n’ dirty:

I cried, on the way home
Ingrid didn’t need formula
Training is lame
I got in trouble

OMG, corporate training just sucks, if you’re the trainee. And, as Jeanne said "have half a brain." I arrived, got my badge and key thing, and took a seat in the trianing room. Oh, we watched corporate videos, the history of the company, the ‘core values’ or ‘guiding principles’ or some thing like that, and we learned how to — I swear to god — create a password. Oh, and how to use CTRL-ALT-DEL, too. Erm, yeah.

We learned the basics of the ordering system, and seriously, show me how to use the phone and I’ll go do this job right now. But, no, we have 3.5 more days of training to make sure the lowest common denominator (who, incidentally, is my partner) gets it, too. Can’t I CLEP out of this?

One of our things was to go over how to enter an address, and then we had to do this online quiz of five questions, and (of course) I raced through it, 100% whatever, so I started poking around the intranet (where these quizzes live) and a trainer rushes up and is all "OH NO! You’re lost, you’re at MONOGRAMMING!" and I said "No, I’m not lost, I just finished the quiz and thought I’d look around" and she said "No, you need to be at the quiz." Whatever. So I stared at the last page of the quiz for ten minutes, while people debated how to abbreviate Suite. OMG, LAME.

And, of course, OF COURSE, I ended up having to show the trainers how to override the auto address thing. The question (which was totally valid) was about when towns share a zip code. Around here, one zipcode is shared by four towns, mine included, and several of the same roads run through those towns, so there is lots of potential for fucking up. ANyway, the system puts in the town when you enter the zip, and the trainers both didn’t understand the issue, and didn’t know how to change it, so I explained both. What a know-it-all.

My LCD partner was like "wow, you’re good at this!" when we were doing practice stuff, and she was so totally not, but I pulled out my teacher cap and helped her along. The trainers didn’t have me do fake orders, just help her by being the fake order customer. It wasn’t that bad, if anything, it really had me TEACHING again, and I realized what a good educator I can be, and I had all of the mixed emotions that that realization always brings me.  She was doing  okay by the end, but yeah. That was my training experience.

Oh, and pumping! The whole NYT article about pumping for people who aren’t professionals was on my mind all night. I can pump, and that’s great — they have a "first aid room" with a screen, and a cot/exam table thing, and an outlet for when my new parts get here, so that’s good. But, I didn’t get to eat DINNER because I’d foolishly brought a Lean Cuisine, and the microwaves were at one end of the building, and i was at the other. And the first aid room is right off of the call floor, with frosted glass windows, but still, I kind of felt on display a bit, trudging over there to mysteriously hang out for half an hour. My ‘coach,’ (LAME) was all "Oh, when you need to use this, tell the floor person, and they’ll be dicsreet, not "GUESS WHAT GRETCHEN’s DOING IN THERE!" hehehe…" Which totally tells me that she’s not dealt with the situation much, eh? Like, oh, thanks, I hadn’t worried about all y’all talking about my GIANT LACTATING BREASTS on the call floor. In that half hour, too, I only got 2 oz, which I was devastated by. When I got home, I got 2 more, and Ingrid had only taken 6 of the 8oz here, so I think we’ll make it another night. I hope that when the bigger horns come, it is more comfortable, too.

And, at the end of the night, I got in my car and cried the whole way home, and for a while after.  I mean, I still think this is a great opportunity for us (as a family) to bring in a little money, to give Dave some real independence with Ingrid, to stock up with the company discount while we can… just this TRAINING period blows in a million different ways. I went to sleep last night reminding myself that it’s only three more long nights (apparently, the last night of training is a half-day.Half-night, whatever, only 4 hours and Ill be home at 8:30.) and then I’m good to go. Because I am NOT the LCD, I figure I have a good chance of moving up in some way, and this is only temporary, anyway.

So, yeah, that was my night. Crying, invisible eye-rolling, and checking out the forbidden monogramming area. Sweet.