This week, in general, sucked. I had the day from hell (with observation!) on Monday, a brief upswing on Wednesday when I did my tech talk, and then yesterday the confrontation in the break room about iBooks took what little wind I had in my sails, out.  I did come home and go for a walk/run, only I only ran 2 segments before my lungs seized up, and my inhaler that had been in my pocket was suddenly NOT.  I waited, wheezing, on the couch for Dave to come home so that we could go look for it, and my shins hurt like hell, and wah wah waaah.  I got up early this morning to go to Daed’s swim meet in Brunswick (about 2 hrs away) and saw him in 2 heats, and just as he was finishing up, his dad showed up and took him off to a movie.  Amy and I made plans to meet in Freeport, but there was a missed exit/backtrack/missed connections thing going on (seriously, we have decided we cannot ever try to meet up unless both of us have cell phones) so instead of getting lunch with Amy and gossiping about random shit, I wandered around Freeport and got a happy meal before heading home.  And Freeport’s McDonalds is governed by all kinds of ordinances, including one that prevents the McD’s employee from speaking to you when ordering at the drive-thru.  It’s very disconcerting, and you have to follow the signs on a screen, but it just flashes ads and doesn’t say ‘Please Wait to Order’ so I said my order three times before the conversation screen showed up. Lame.  I didn’t spend any money beyond that, because we’re paying the taxes this weekend (GULP) and our vacation is in four weeks. And, the whole trip down was scheduled around our 36-Hour GOF Schedule,  because I’m nearing ovulation.  ANYWAY.

So, the whole week kinda sucked.  I’m glad I went to Brunswick, anyway, because I think Daed was glad to see me, and I hope he felt good that I made it to see him swim.  It was nice seeing Amy, and her dad, who is awesome, and drove even farther than I did for the same purpose, AND brought water and Gatorade to donate to the team for concessions. I called Amy from the road and gossiped then, and came home to an empty house.  I grabbed the mail and opened the door, and a box from Amazon was there.  I couldn’t think of what I had ordered, I knew I hadn’t, but maybe it was for the package I’m putting together for the Digster? It was addressed to me, so I knew it wasn’t for Dave. 

When I opened it, my jaw dropped! It was for ME! A PRESENT!  Brooke in NYC sent me Living in Clip. I can’t believe it! I’ve never gotten a present from my wishlist before; I never expected one.  I keep my wishlist as a shopping list for myself.  When I’m ordering something, or Dave is, and we want to tip it over the $25 mark to get free shipping, I’ll grab something from my wishlist, usually, to do it.  If I read about a book I want, I add it, so I don’t forget the title.  When I have a moment like I did last Sunday, and realized I hadn’t listened to Ani in a while, I wishlist whatever it is that I don’t want to forget.  So, it was a total surprise, and it made my day.  Thank you, Brooke! I’m about to go upstairs and put it in to listen to while I work on one of my sewing projects. Rock on.

In the break room today, I was filling up my teakettle when one of the student teachers that heard my spiel on Wednesday, and is student teaching in the 6th grade at my school, said, without any invitation… "I gotta tell you, I’d love to put a hammer through all of those iBooks.  I like computers, but I hate macs."

Now, no. Fuck you from the first sentence.  It became instantly clear that this guy figures I’m just a girl, so what could I POSSIBLY know about REAL computers? After all, macs are toys, right? Oh, no you DI’INT.

The first part of my spiel is my "Five Rules for Classroom Technology."  In that one sentence, he completely ignored rules 1-3. "Don’t pick [platform]sides, Use it to learn it, and If you’re not excited, they aren’t excited."  RIght off the bat.

"Well," I said, "macs are the computer of choice in education."
"But you can’t right click!"
"Actually, you can, you hold down the trackpad button until the right click menu pops up."
"I don’t want a MENU, I want to RIGHT CLICK."
I’m quickly understanding that this guy is a total dipshit, and probably loves AOL.
"Actually, on nay platform, you right click to access a menu. . .  so . . . ."

"Well, all the kids at my last school hated the iBooks.  ‘Why can’t we have computers like we have at home?’ is what they’d say."
"Because they are at school, and they’re damn lucky to be part of a 1-to-1 computing initiative, that’s why."
"Macs though, they can’t do anything as well as a PC.  Bill Gates was going to give every kid a free PC laptop, but they said it was controlling the market, and now we’re paying a thousand bucks for each laptop."

"Actually, Bill Gates had no plans like that, but he has given desktops to tons of schools and libraries in Maine through the Gates Foundation, and he also provided a million bucks to MLTI for teacher training.  And the iBooks came in at under 300 per machine, so it was much cheaper than any PC deal."
"I will tell you one thing," he said, "macs can’t do ANYTHING when it comes to video. Nothing!"

At this point, I’m about ready to explode from "are you fucking kidding me, asshole?"  I still don’t know they guys name.

"Well, you’re kidding, right? Because mac is the standard platform, coast-to-coast, for video production."
"No way. It can’t be, macs can’t do anything when it comes to video!"
"My husband has been producing video for ten years, and it’s all on mac. ANything you see on a movie screen or tv screen is produced on a Mac, almost certainly.  ANd honestly, this is why the university needs to have technology classes be required."
"Oh, I KNOW about technology. I didn’t take a class."
"But you don’t know how to use a mac, do you? So you don’t know much about technology.  In any school, you could be given a PC, a Linux thin client, an iBook, and you need to know how to use it, period."
"But I’m a windows guy, I don’t want to bother. I’m stuck in my ways!"
"Then you’re in the wrong profession. If you can’t be flexible with the computer you use, then you’re outta luck, because curriculums change, assessment systems change, classes change.  Need to learn how to deal with it!"

THis is the ABBREVIATED version. What a FUCKER.  It started while I got tea water, and he was photocopying, and he FOLLOWED ME out of the break room and all the way to my classroom door, where I wanted to just turn around and say "FUCK OFF, YOU ARE AN IDIOT."  I mean, he was so stupid that he doesn’t even KNOW HOW stupid he is.

ANd I know, I KNOW it’s because he’s a man, and he’s older than me.  Maybe he thinks I’m younger than I am because I’ve been teaching for only two years, but seriously. He is a MOE-RON.  It’s assholes like him, though, that will be teaching your kids, because he knows how to proctor a standardized test, for sure. ASSHOLE.

I cannot WAIT to tell Marilyn (my former advisor, who loves me, etc) about this conversation.  She is a retired PE teacher, has season tickets to the UMaine women’s basketball games, and a bowl haircut.  And also, a girlfriend.  Her middle name is TitleIX, and she will DIE to know that I was challenged like that.  I’m sure she already knows he’s a dipshit (Marilyn and I get along famously, and are both very no-bullshit) but this will crack her up. 

In OTHER news, Big Important University Guy emailed me back to say "Marilyn thinks you are terrific—and that is a pretty great recommendation." and schedule a meeting time; 3/29 @ 4pm.  It’s my mom’s birthday, so I take it as a good omen.  Because, OBVIOUSLY, there is still a need for teacher education.  Even if it’s from a GIRL.

I started my day with a conversation with my kids.

"When you are adults, and get jobs, you are still ‘assessed’ at how well you do your job.  They might call it ‘a review,’ or an ‘evaluation,’ but basically, they watch you do your job to decide how well they are doing.  And [Principal]? He’s MY boss.  He wasn’t here to watch you guys yesterday, he was here to watch ME, because they have to see how I’m doing before they offer me a job for next year, okay?"

Kids: "……uhhhh, really?"

"So, if you were ME, knowing how math went yesterday, how would YOU feel, knowing that your job was on the line? I know you’re 8th graders, and won’t be here next year, so maybe you don’t care what happens to me, but I care about what happens to me. So, yesterday? Was not a really great day for me."

The kids jaws were dropped, let me just say.  I also mentioned that [Principal] would probably be in later in the week, because he was really disappointed in yesterday’s visit. Which is kind of BS, he is coming, but he also knows that the day was just pure fucking CHAOS to begin with, and so probably not the best day to observe. Whatever.  The chickens will probably be a little more teachable when he shows up. As it was, math today was a dream, with kids working and being quiet and everything.

The funniest part of today was trying to teach about valence electrons using H2O, and finally grabbing a piece of paper and drawing two Hydrogen atoms, and realizing too late that it looked exactly like nipples, because I was using black marker on pink paper, but everyone was very mature about it, even though in my head I was thinking "NIPPPPPPLEESSS! FUCK!"

My grad class was great, and I feel much better about it, and my prof is very "oh, whenever you finish your projects is fine" and I know I WILL, it’s just that I’m off schedule.  I was also reminded why I’m in this program, anyway, when I was reading Rob’s (of Darn-Tootin.com) story of dealing with SED and tech coordinators for his daughter. (The link is where it starts, click forward to get the whole story.  The TC story is on his ‘now‘ page, but that will change the next time he updates.)

As far as the TC business goes, well, that’s one of my future job prospects, post-M.Ed.  And I wonder if his TC has a degree in CompSci or some similar techie field, and if she has any education background beyond ‘working in a school.’  I think that’s where the beauty of my Master’s program lies, bridging the geek and the educator, so that kids win (theoretically.)  I’d love to have a TC position, and I’d love to work with SED to get adaptive technology for the kids that need it, and I’d love to be on the parent’s side, and not just an untenured classroom teacher with big ideas and bad hair. [Damn, I wish I could link to the story at the old place about how I was almost not hired because the school board felt my "hair needed a style" which led to all sorts of interesting conversations, the least of which was not with the (now ex-) principal. Anyway, yeah, my hair almost cost me my job, but whatever. I didn’t change it, I got the job, and now I can leave it in June for better things.  Of course, my kids will think it’s their fault, probably, but I bet they never forget yesterday when they have annual reviews and performance evals.]

So, my head is up.  I’ve shaken the sand from my eyes, my vision is clear again.  It’s a good thing. 

Tomorrow, pizza with the entire in-law clan!  You know I’ll have a good story for Thursday. 😉

I. Cannot. Focus. 

On the to-do list, 2 chapter summaries, a powerpoint, and a Clicker lesson. Oh yeah, and an essay for a scholarship.  This sucks, because the .ppt is started, but the content is better for Clicker.  I have an idea for my .ppt, but haven’t started it.  Same for the summaries.  I have about ten sentences for my essay, but I can’t pull it together. I have zero excuses for having none of this done, since I haven’t even HAD CLASS in three weeks, you know? Motherfucker.

In addition to that, I had a sub today, and was observed by my principal on the suckiest day to be observes, as I’d already handed out FOUR detentions, SIX ‘lost breaks,’ and dealt with a 4 on 4 girlfight all day, that carried into math class, where one said "I can say whatever I want, I don’t care if [principal] is in the room!"  I don’t know if they realized that he was there to observe me, and not THEM, but whatever.  He suggested he come back to see another lesson later in the week, in the same conversation that he mentioned that there would be a handful of suspensions going out this week for the girl-fighters.  I told him that whatever day that happened would be a GREAT day to come back. Heh.

Seriously, I’m losing my grip.  I haven’t run because of the weather.  It was supposed to be good today, too, I even put out my clothes so that I could come home and change and go right out, but by the time I got home, the weather had changed from mild and gray to cold and snowing. Well, FUCK.

Well, FUCK, indeed.  I’m feeling very, very fucked right now. FUCK. And I can’t focus.

If you don’t remember those books, you missed out on a really great part of the 80s.  I loved them.  It was 15 books in one, depending on which direction you took.  I sometimes think of my own life as the ultimate CYOA book.  I love where I’ve ended up.  I love wakingup to the my husband and the cat blinking at me, and smiling or purring.  I love my neighborhood, and I love my city.  I’m working through my job issues, but I love my kids.  It’s a good life.  But what if?

Continue reading →

All of the stressy things yesterday morphed into great things.  The storm fizzled out after just 6-8 inches or so, which was nice, and everyone got where they needed to get safely.  Dave had to work the UM hockey playoff game, and my dad had heard there were tickets available, but the ticket line was closed because it was Saturday.  I asked Dave if he would check out the scene at the Alfond, and after my folks and I got back from lunch, etc, there was a message that he had purchased 3 tickets that were waiting at the will-call.   WHen we got to the game, the seats were the best I’ve ever had, J1:1-3, front row, on the glass, looking at the goal from the side.  It was great, the puck would bounce off the glass, we got to see some hockey players pressed against the boards, and we got to see 3 goals scored as UMaine wone 5-1.  Yay!

I also got confirmation from my folks that I am buying the Outback, and they’ll ‘finance’ it, meaning I don’t need to get a loan, etc, just pay them monthly.  They told me to start getting rid of my Escort, so I placed an ad in Uncle Henry’s (New England’s old-fashioned eBay) and on FirstClass at the university and my school.  $500 OBO, so, we’ll see.  Imean, it runs. It’s inspected. If I were five years younger and poorer and not worried about the safety of my future pregnant belly, I might not be so anti-Escort.  But damn, the Outback is nice.  It’s just so heavy and safe feeling.  It’s an automatic, so meh, but has AWD, working seat belts, leather interior, keyless entry, power locks & windows, etc etc — all those things that are total luxury for someone that’s been driving a base model Escort for 9 years.  Plus, nirvana of stationwagon owning achieved! MWAHAHHAHAHAA!

Seriously, I’ve wanted a wagon forEVER.  When I bought the Escort, I was sort of kicking myself for not waiting til I got an Escort Wagon, because I love them.  That the Escort had split-folding rear seats was the clincher; if it hadn’t had those, I would’nt have bought it.  (And, by the way? ALWAYS spring for the split-folding rear seats.  The Impreza doesn’t have them and it drives me NUTS.

I had to get up 3:45 am this morning to take my folks to the airport, and they’re off to Utah & Colorado to visit my sister and do some skiing.  My religious Aunt Laura and Uncle Glenn are going, too,and were looking fora place to stay inSteamboat, but everything was very expensive, so they asked my folks if they could stay with Kate & Pete,too.  The whole scenario led to one of my sister’s most witty comments in an email: "It’s wrong to live in sin, but vacationing in sin is A-OK!"  (For new readers, my aunt pissed me/us off 2 years ago when we were in TX for her daughter’s wedding, and she didn’t want Grandma to know that my cousin and her fiance/husband had lived together before marriage.  You know, like Dave and I were doing at the time. Big, big, "Are you fucking KIDDING me?" from my family — Aunt L has this list of things "Grandma can’t know" about her kids, and our lives are open books, which pisses Kate and I off, because our cousins are not as perfect as Aunt L tries to portray them… blah blah blah… anyway, now I’m married and legit, so Kate has to deal with the scarlet letter of premarital cohabitation – GASP!)

ANYWAY. Very excited about my new (old) car.  Who knew a ’98 Subaru could make me so excited?

Good:
It’s snowing, I have cinnamon rolls in the oven and a warm house and flannel sheets and hot coffee and a lovely family. 

Bad: Most of said family will be out on the roads today, which always makes me worry.  Dave has to do a hockey game, so 20 miles of travel, total, but my folks are driving the 100 miles from the lake to stay here tonight, as they have a flight tomorrow at 5am.  That’s the one that most icks me out.

Good:  It’s snowing, again, and this winter has been ten times the winter we had last year, and that makes me feel better about the state of the planet.

Bad:  The 20 inches predicted, on top of the foot from Wednesday, has put a serious damper on my C25K plan.  I DID get 2 of my 3 runs in by stacking them last weekend, and hopefully I can get four in next week, weather permitting.  I don’t mind the cold (and snow weather isn’t very cold) but I do mind the narrowed roads (due to huge snowbanks) icy base, and city snowplow dodging. Spring is coming, right?

Good: The new shopping center (annoyingly called "The Parkade," which may or may not be because it replaced a trailer park that was vacated ten years ago, or so) is going to have a Kohl’s, A.C.Moore, LNT, and, drum roll….. Old Navy.  The lack of an Old Navy in Bangor is legendary, consideringall the reasons there SHOULD be one.  We have the flagship state university 8 miles up the road, and several other smaller colleges in town, Bangor is a service center city, meaning that it services a gigantic land area, not just itself (in this case, all of Northern Maine and a good chunk of the Maritimes), and the nearest ON, in Augusta, is a destination for people.  I kind of feel bad for Augusta, because no one will have a reason to drive down there anymore.  You think I’m kidding.  We were hoping to go down tomorrow, because Dave needs jeans.  Anytime I’m there, I see people I know from here, and the parking lot has lots of UM parking passes dangling from rearview mirrors.

Bad:  It will probably be a mob scene for weeks after opening, and it’s not opening til "late summer/early fall." Whatever that means.

Good:  UM Hockey won the first of their Best of 3 QF series, and there are allegedly still tickets available for the game tonight.

Bad: The ticket office is closed on Saturday, so we’d have to drive up and hope we could get some at the door. (I’m working on Dave to take a minute from his lunch break to see about getting tickets for us, but we’ll see.)