1. The DSL outage continues, I am surviving. Of course, one of my projects this week, conveniently enough, was to go wardriving, and in doing so I did find that if I sit in the backseat of my station wagon with the door open, I can get enough signal to check my email and stuff. I say ‘and stuff,’ because I could easily do all that I normally do from that position, but sitting in my parked car, in my driveway, with my iBook, looks weird. If I could get it from the PORCH, or the backyard, that’s less weird. Parked car=weird.

2. I had a moment of total annoyance at the pool yesterday. It’s a new term, so there’s a bunch of new people in the pool class, and I was being friendly since I’m like one of the senior members now.  As much as I make fun of the standard conversations of pregnancy, I tend to follow those rules anyway. You know, Name/Weeks/whatareyouhaving/isityourfirst.  So,I say to the person nearest me "I’m gretchen, 36 weeks, what’s your name?"and she says "Sarah, I’m 31 weeks, are you having your baby in a hospital?"  Dude! OFF-SCRIPT! And I have the greatest respect for homebirthing, I think it’s a FANTASTIC thing for those that want it, I wish it was more readily available for those that want it even though my ideal would probably be a freestanding birth center.  But, hello. Don’t start painting me with your judgy brush in your opening line, which is EXACTLY how I felt. Fuck, we don’t even have a choice of HOSPITALS, let alone a freestanding birth center, and the likelihood that asking any given pregnant woman in my zip code where she’s delivering being anything OTHER than EMMC is like, slim to none. Holy floating soapbox. Our isntructor homebirthed all four of her kids, living in Texas, years ago, so is very cool about anti-establishment birthing practices (although, even she has said that waterbirth is dangerous, which isn’t something I necessarily believe is true…) but, damn. Yeah, I’m delivering at the hospital. And, as this woman went around talking to other people, she said the same thing to others, like her most important criteria for talking to you was that you WEREN’T delivering in a hospital. WTF.  Really bugged me.

3.  After THAT, i had to go straight to the Diabetes Center for another appointment. This one was with an FNP, and was much better than the first two. She actually commented on how well I’ve done with weight gain (15lbs at 36w, yo) and my BP, and she evenhad me get on the table and measured my fundal height to add to my chart. I’ve told the others that I’m measuring fine, etc, but they never CHECKED, they just scolded me about my freakin’ banana intake. JESUS.  She wanted me to test more (i’ve gotten kind of lax about it, when we eat dinner at 9:30, I just don’t want to stay up til 11:30 to test, and now we basically eat dinners that have proven not to jack my carbs), but other than that, was like "you’re doing great!" Well, THANK YOU. NO SHIT.  I really think maybe their perspective is skewed there. In addition to being the Diabetes Center, they are also the office for gastric bypass surgery. (And MRI. I don’tget it either.) The scale I am weighed on is literally a 3×3 platform with handles, that has a ramp, so I guess you could be wheeled on? I just wonder if the wide array of patients they see means they are extra jaded or something. Anyway. I’ms o not concerned. I have found some low-carb products that are barely palatable, but at least have made breakfast doable — a Dannon Low carbyogurt, with frozen blueberriesand grape nuts, + a whole wheat english muffin with Promise spread — and I’ve even found the Breyer’s CarbSmart ice cream bars to be tasty when I’m wanting ice cream.  Although, I cannot WAIT to be able to have a bowl of cereal again.

4. I am so hot. And so tired. YAWN.  I think I could take a nap at anytime, anywhere, if presented the opportunity. I also find that the parking space that seems SOOOOclose in the morning, seems like it moves a mile by the end of the day. The trek to my car is just becoming more and more overwhelming. Ugh.

5. I decided I needed a proper going-home outfit for the baby, and so have spent a few days trying to find one. But, damn, everything in newborn sizes is pink, blue, or ugly. (And most of the pink & blue is ugly too.)  Nothing says "my parents didn’t find out my sex before I was born" like shit with ducks on it, apparently. Anyway, I ended up finding two possible outfits on the Old Navy sale rack, depending on weather, I guess — both long sleeved one pieces, one that looks like a white shirt under quilted off-white overalls, and another that is alternating stripes of cream and tan. No ducks. No trucks. No princess crowns or random bits of text professing the sleepers’ love of ‘mommy.’ It’ll do. If it’s a boy, there’s an outfit I’d use instead, probably — a vivid blue sleeper with green whales on it, that my sister got for us (there’s a matching cap and receiving blanket) — and I’d use the whale outfit on a girl, too, but not for GOINGHOME, which is apparently a big deal. (No, I know that in the big scheme of things it is so NOT a big deal, but now I can sleep at night knowing I’ve procured an Official Outfit.)

Thanks for the suggestions on what to take for myself, as well… I need to try to find some cheap slippers somwhere, because I don’t want my shearling slippers violated by an array of bodily fluids and hospital smells. And maybe a cheap robe, as I don’t have one myself.

(The DSL was shut off last night, and I’ve survived. So far.)

I’ve actually started packing my hospital bag, sorta. Since I won’t be going anyplace else til then, I put my travel stuff in there, and the massagey roller ball thing, and some stretchy non-mat pants. Any recommendations on what to bring to the hospital?

I’ve also gotten some things figured out (or close to figured out) for the fall.  As far as my practicum goes, there are two options: student teaching or create-my-own. Student teaching (biggest scam ever, ‘work’ full time for 15 weeks, and pay someone else for the privilege…) would fulfill the practicum requirement and earn me a 680 certification. Make my own would fulfill the practicum requirement, and allow me to do what I want, when I want. I can still get a 680 cert if I chose to teach later; I would just have a tranisitional cert until I completed a year of teaching (for pay.) Um, huh. Wonder what I’ll do . . . .

So, yay for flexible scheduling for the practicum part. I was afraid I might have to work 20 hours a week (school hours) or something, and I totally don’t. I could write a book about IT and have it count, seriously. That’s what one guy did. But, I do imagine I’ll need somechildcare to do that, whatever ‘that’ is, and I’m totally stoked because my boss’ daughter just got an apartment in town.  Yes, THAT boss. But, he found Jesus after he divorced his first wife (isn’t that always the case for the most holy), and the daughter is very much NOT a churchy person. She’s a freshman this year, in early childhood ed, and I see her every day I’m here so I definitely KNOW her. She’s very level-headed and responsible, and loves kids, and has been excitedly folliowing my pregnancy all year. She’s GREAT, seriously. And I would have no fears of her secretly trying to baptize the baby or anything. Anyway, her having an apartment in town and a college student’s schedule will be great for ME to find 3-6 hours or so a week where she can come to the house so that I can work on school stuff. When I heard about the apartment, I asked her right away, and she was totally excited about the prospect.  This is so great. Truly.  My night classes aren’t a concern, since Dave works 9-5 (and can flex that when I need to be at class by 5), but to have someone lined up for very part time babysitting is such a weight off my chest, you don’t even know.

The final trip to Portland was fun, and I am now pretty well stocked up and ready to have me a baby. The ol’ wallet took a hit over the last week, as we had to pick up a couple ‘big’ things, namely the pack-n-play and a temporal thermometer, and then I spent more money in Portland on exciting stuff like sheets and onesies. Woot.  It’s all washed and put away, now, and the PNP is set up in the dining room for our first-floor baby station, and the bassinet is made up and uh, yeah, we’re ready, I guess.

I still need a handful of things — a garbage pail with lid for the cloth diapers, and the swing, basically, and that’s it. Huh.

On the job front, I’ve landed in an awkward situation, in that Marilyn has already talked to the principal and sung my praises and really wants me to apply, andnow they are expecting an application, even though the posting closed on Friday. In the meantime, I decided that it really wasn’t the time — not with a newborn, not with still having classes to finish, etc — but then I don’t want to be the flake that’s been raved about that never makes herself known. And, it’s a small enough area that I don’t want to ruin my reputation already, you know? So, the wonderful Mrs K over at ADL has written just about the perfect letter to say "Here’s my resume, since you’re expecting it, but I don’t want a job." (I would formally apply, to interview, but to get all my documentation in order by tomorrow is just near impossible, and totally overwhelming, especially since I know I don’t want the job.)  And who knows, maybe next year the person they hire this year will move away and there will be a new opportunity to apply, at a much better time for ME to consider it.

What else — at 35+ weeks, I’ve gained 15 pounds (actually, I hit the 15lb gain at 26w, gained 2 more, went on Pregnancy Atkins and lost 2 pounds.) Depite that, my MIL told me it looks like I’m having twins. Uh, whatever. Dave totally called her on it — "so, you’re saying she’s huge?" but I think she’s in the camp of "saying someone is big is a compliment."  Amy has said I’m all belly — for reference, I weigh what I weighed when I went to NYC last summer, and NYC folks, YOU saw the picture from the shower — I surely didn’t look like THAT in NYC.  SInce I have around 5weeks left, I think that I’ve done pretty well for myself through this. You can’t really know until you’re in the thick of it how you’ll gain, and I have been (or was) really nervous, becuase I was starting overweight, but now I’m feeling really confident that I will be able to return to my pre-TTC weight in a decent amount of time. With the thyroid being treated, and the stressors of a bad school situation, slow TTC process, and m/c behind me (and, you know, hopefully the magic of breastfeeding will have an effect, as well) I’m looking forward to getting back to normal. 

Other than that, the heartburn sucks lately, as does the widget-induced faux-asthma-attack thingies, where it presses on my diaphragm (according to my doc) and makes me cough and talk weird, like I’m mid-asthmat attack, but I’m not. It’s very weird.  I imagine they are both related to baby position, but the heartburn means that I keep Tums on my nighstand, in my coat pocket, in the car, everywhere. Oof.

Soon, though, sooner than I really can even imagine, I’m sure, I’ll have a whole new list of sore spots, and a baby to take care of, too. Holy cow.

This time last year, I was on my way to Portland, a freshly positive HPT sitting on my nightstand upstairs.  A year later, the widget is wiggling around, all jacked up on a whole wheat english muffin and navel orange, and I’m getting ready to take a shower and go to Target before my OB appointment. Weird how things change.

Last night we washed all of the baby clothes we’ve received thus far, and sorted them by size, and then counted what we have. Like last year, I’m about to go to Portland (tomorrow) but this time, the BRU trip is with a purpose, to pick up some basics that we don’t have yet (I’ve never been to a shower where not ONE package of plain ol’ white Gerber onesies were given, until my own), and to have one last hurrah in the big city with Amy. The next time I go to Portland? I’ll be a mom. And it will probably be 2010.

All those little pieces are starting to line up for the end run, though. We have clothes. And diapers. And nursing supplies, and slings, and developmentally appropriate mobiles. And after tomorrow, plain ol’ white onesies and some more sleeper thingies.  So weird, you know? Baby is coming SOON. We’ll know if it’s a boy or girl, people will stop asking us about names, we’ll be totally sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, and damn, we’ll be PARENTS. That is so. weird.

On a technical note: we are switching our phone/DSL provider to save money, which means that we apparently will be without DSL for 7-10 days, OMG. So if you don’t see me on AIM, or wonder why I’m not posting or whatever, it is NOT because I am in labor. Though not having DSL for 7-10 days will be of a similar pain. But, yay, we get to support our local phone company, AND save 30 bucks a month. Whee.

Hey look! Chock full o’ baby, I am. This was the day of my shower, in the baby room we’ve set up. It’s weird, I have really, really big boobs, but they haven’t really grown with pregnancy, I’m in all my same bras (though, not underwire now) but it’s weird to see them look almost… small . .. compared to the belly, you know?

One of the things at the shower that threw me, was when mainegirl said "If you need anything next month, let me know, I have every other day off [sidenote, what a GREAT schedule. If I could get a part-time gig like that in a school? ALL OVER IT] and would be ahppy to come over so you can take a shower or whatever…" and I literally blinked, and was thinking "Uh, huh? What’s so special about next month?" until I realized "OH MY GOD, I’m HAVING A BABY NEXT. MONTH." (And what a great offer! I may very well take you up on that.)

In other news, my sister is being flaky. I know! I know, total surprise.  From the minute she heard I was pregnant, she said she wanted to come home and help out, which is great. She would be really good to have around those first few days, to help with taking care of us new parents, mostly. But, she has a dog, and I said from day one "What about the dog?" I think I’ve even written about it here, that we really, really can’t have a dog here — we aren’t dog people, we’re going to be dealing with a NEW BABY, and hello, our cat is a slow moving meatball to a high strung dog.  It’s just not cool with us.

Today, I talked to her, and she brought up the dog again, and I brought up the "Kate, really, we can’t have a dog here, I’ve told you…." and now she’s all offended (it has been dscussed over and over and over) and "well, if I can’t sleep with the dog inside, then I can’t stay with you," and I’m like "Well, okay then. We can’t have a dog here." So, whatever. Maybe my mom will come — I had said that I couldn’t have everyone stay here, that one person was okay, but not my whole family camped out in the guest room, with my sister sleeping in the hammock out back. (No, really, she’d do that. She’s, you know, Kate.)

Anyway. We’ll survive. So frustrating, though, to have this all sort of happen RIGHT NOW, when I’ve been SAYING for MONTHS that we can’t. have. a. dog. in. the. HOUSE. Is that a totally irrational request? I don’t think the dog is even a year old. Sigh. We’ll figure it out.

After all the angsting I did over a baby shower, it went off really well.

Dave and I worked all day yesterday on getting the upstairs ready, which involved lots of dusting and sorting and laundry and furniture moving, but by the time Amy showed up, the sewing room turned storage of babystuff and extraneous crafty material was looking like an actual NURSERY. Like, with a crib made up, and books on shelves and changing station set up. WEIRD.  Amy was a little surprised or whatever at seeing me, you know, PREGNANT. I last saw her when I was maybe 8w, not hardly pregnant at all, and now here I am with a big belly that’s MOVING and shit. It was cool. It was cool to just hang out with Amy as well, even if I was bone tired and had aching feet when she got here.

This morning, we finished clearing out the hall, I straightened up our bedroom, Amy worked on putting together the games and other stuff… my mom got here about 9, dropped off a boatload of food and stuff, and headed back out to the grocery store, and Amy and I went to HoJo’s for a quick breakfast. Dave worked on the lawn, and while we were gone, my mom came back with a glider for the nursery, that Dave assembled.  Yay! I’d registered for one, but figured we’d pull up the old LaZBoy that Dave has in the basement if we didn’t get one. 

Amy and my Mom went nuts on making everything look good, and our guests started arriving right at 1. The upstairs  was literally, model-home looking (SO RARE HERE) so I was able to show our house to people that hadn’t seen it before, or hadn’t seen all the changes we’ve done. Even my MIL went upstairs to see what Dave had done, she really likes the blog I keep for family, and said she’d read the entry on the hallway 3 times, and was so impressed that DAVE had done all of that.  While I was upstairs, almost everyone arrived, and I went up and down a few times to show the house and the nursery, etc. 

Amy did great with the games — even working in a "gretchen isn’t a total freak with the cloth diapers, yo" element by having a game where people were timed on how fast they could (cloth) diaper a doll, socks, mittens, hat, and swaddled, all while tucking the phone against your shoulder…. and the ILs were certainly taken by the Kissaluv, and sort of maybe had a better understanding that I’M NOT CRAZY by the end of it.  The other games were less intense — frozen baby ice cubes "because we know dave and gretchen are a little odd, so frozen babies fit right in" that when your baby was freed, you got a prize, a drawing to match whatever was on the bottom of your plate, you got a prize, and baby washcloths, folded up CD style, and whoever had the peanut butter inside, got a prize. BAsically, if you came to my house, you got a prize. And favors — amy and theboys made alll kinds of yummy glycerin soaps for people, my mom had bags of candy and little bulbs to plant as favors.

We got TONS of stuff — a few important things from the registry, tons of clothes, and none of them offensive, some yummy bath stuff… mainegirl hooked us up with so much Burt’s Bees Baby Bees stuff, that when I was putting it away, I realized I didn’t even OPEN one of the packages (so, thanks again!) — and my sister sent California Baby stuff, and Amy brought JASON organics stuff. the one thing I will see if I can return, actually, is a bath set from my SIL & niece, and even then, they really tried to consider me, i think, but the J&J lavender stuff bath set is probably a little too-too for my skin. (As far as all this stuff goes, the baby might be fine, but my eczema is worst in the crooks of my elbows, where I imagine I’ll be holding the baby on occasion, what with summer coming and all, so it’s really ALL ABOUT ME.)  But that was certainly considered, in that they didn’t even get the ‘normal’ J&J stuff, but they probably didn’t even think as far as more hypoallergenic than that, you know? Still, I might not take it back (hey, it’s the perfect gift for a baby shower! All wrapped and everything! Heh) but to have just one thing be ‘off’ is pretty good. My MIL got the monitor, one SIL got the bouncer (and made a white set of blanket, hat and booties) and the other got the mobile (in additon to the lavender stuff). My friend Jenne got me the Avent ISIS breast pump, with the explanation of "Well, I figured for Gretchen that the thing that was all black and looked like a torture device was the best choice." Heh. My friend Jess got us a diaper bag from LLBean; not the official diaper bag, but a travel bag that would work as a diaper bag, in a really nice cranberry red color, and then made 2 blanket and hat sets. My mom, in addition to the glider, picked up some other things, like washcloths and Aveeno stuff (see, I have this eczema? hahah) and some books, etc. Deb showed up with a cool wire and canvas hamper filled to the BRIM with clothes, some stuff (bottle brush, bowls, big ceramic piggy bank) and a dozen bleached prefolds.  Amy, in addition to all the help with the shower, and the house and all of that, has lent us her bassinet, then bought some sheets for it, and some clothes, and some organic baby bath stuff and had a book signed by the author.  She also had everyone write down advice for us as parents, which was really sweet — it was really nice to see what people had to offer.

Amy also played ambassador to the ILs, apparently telling them that while I seem a little ‘crusty?’ (was that the word, Aim?) I’m actually a biiiiiig softie when it comes to babies and kids, since I’d been there when she’d had hers… so that was an added gift as well. Oh, and the book was inscribed to "Widget Mylast," and so reading it out loud sort of sets the stage with "remember? baby gets Mylast?"  I’ll be posting a recap on the family blog, where I’ll probably throw in a "baby Mylast is so blessed to have so many people just waiting to meet it and love it…." Nice and subtle, and just STEEEEEEPED in "we’re all family no matter what the name(but the widg gets my name, no discussion.)"

The thing that was weird, was just — I’ve never HAD a shower, you know? Or big birthday parties, or other events wherein I am the center of attention. It was so odd to have so many people I KNOW in the same room, and yet, not be part of the conversation as I was opening presents. I’ve been a guest at showers many times, and always enjoy chatting to the people next to me, where this time I was the one opening while people chatted.  Normally I hang out with people one-on-one, so to have just a brief conversation with Jenne or Jess or whoever, despite them being in my HOUSE for 2 hours, and givingme GREAT PRESENTS, just felt — odd. I wasn’t NOT talking to people, i was just in the middle of things, and yet, distanced from everything at the same time.

I think the guests had a good time, though, we didn’t make them eat baby food from a diaper (AND YOU THINK I’M MAKING THAT UP, don’t you?) and the favors were things *I* would’ve liked (so my ILs were probably like, "where’s my stork themed ballpoint pen, anyway?") and the food was a good blend, and hey! there was cake!

My mom swooped out of here after the guests left, having to drive 2 hours back home and having spent the day working all day, and Amy stayed a bit later to de-tag all the clothes and sort all the bath stuff and take stuff upstairs, etc. Dave was still out at Matt’s, and didn’t get home til 7, so there was this weird few hours where I was all alone after a weekend of craziness. Dave gothome and was excited to see all the neat stuff, and he sat in the glider, with the boppy, and one of the Avent bottles from the pump set and a doll Amy’d left and was like "oh, I see how it all works now." And it was soooo cute. I’m a sucker for a cute husband practicing baby-holding.

I have a ton of laundry to do, to get the baby clothes ready, and we still have to fill in some blanks, but we’ve gotten some gift cards and giftmoney that will help with that. I’m going to go down to Portland for one last hurrah next weekend, to hang out with Amy without crazy-get-ready-for-baby-shower-ness going on, and to see the boys, and to have some motherly advice to take to BRU to finish out what we need to be Totally Ready.

Like you can ever be totally ready, right? Anyway, wow, we’re going to have a baby.