OKay, here’s the deal, I have to shoot at a wedding on Saturday, and I need some makeover help, and figured I’d turn to the internet to do it,since it typically never lets me down.  Here are the rules:

Cheap — any type of product has to be easily purchased at Target or a drugstore or something.
Simple — dude, I have a BABY, and I never had time to do anything like this WITHOUT a baby. I’m thinking like, 5 steps/products, max.

What stymies me every time I consider makeup, et al:

I wear glasses, and I like my glasses, but then, what do I do about makeup BEHIND the glasses? Totally don’t get it.

I have dark circles under my eyes, always have, and it’s not so much a fatigue thing as it is an allergy thing, I think. Dunno.

Postpartum, my skin seems all fucked up — dry on the cheeks, but when it’s muggy I feel greasy, and bleh.  Here’s the before picture, taken less than a week after I had Ingrid:

What I do typically, is wash my face in the shower, and uh, sometimes remember to put on a sunscreeny moisturizer. And that’s it.

Internet, help me look a little more professional (by Saturday!) without looking like a street whore or circus clown.  Inexpensive and simple. You know?

(isn’t that just the perfect Before pic? Totally look like crap, and it was just minutes before we had our outdoor pictures taken — in Ingrid’s album — but that’s the difference between a D70 + Speedlight and my own Olympus and it’s onboard flash. D70 DROOOOLLLL)

Also, Mirena? I cannot BELIEVE how simple it was.  I guess your cervix DOES change after you’ve pushed out more than 8 pounds of baby, because with the preemptive 800mg of Advil, I literally felt NOTHING. NOT ONE THING. I was in SHOCK that it was over, and the only thing i FELT was the speculum going in and coming out. Nulliparous, the souinding rod had me clawing at ceiling tiles trying to get away, but … parous? is that the word? was easier than a pap smear. Unbelievable. And now I’m covered for 5 years, and will likely not have a period again until I get it removed, and all for a $15 copay. Think of the savings on both monthly forms of BC, and tampons! SWEET!

Um, yeah. Papers not done. I did OPEN and turn ON my iBook, and then, like, the baby needed something and there was a parade, and then a cookout uplake, and I never even closed the screen until we left. So, yeah. Papers not done. Sigh.

It was good, though, to go back for almost a week — Dave and I went up on Saturday, and we were supposed to get out of here by noon, and almost made it, but his mom called and wanted us to swing by to give me abirthday present. ($15 giftcard to borders. Totally okay.)  Just as we were about to leave, his sister called and was on her way down, and had more pink crocheted stuff for Ingrid, so we waited through that, and when all was said and done, we spent 2 hours at his mom’s, and got to the lake after 3, when it promptly started to pour. Sigh.  By 6:30 or so, it had stopped, and I’m sort of ferociious about getting IN the lake now that I don’t live there and don’t have access, so we went down and I dunked myself in, but it was fairly boring without anyone to swim with, and freezing cold, too. Dave and I dipped Ingrid’s toes in the water, the closest thing to a baptism she’ll get, and the first dip she recoiled in terror, but the second one, she kicked a bit, and seemed to like it, so yay!

My parents were doing a pageant on the coast that night, so didn’t arrive back until after we were in bed, and brought with them 15 fresh-from-the-boat lobster for my birthday dinner.  there was also chocolate cake, and my aunt and cousins were there, and there were also leftovers enough for 2 days of lobster rolls.  Dave left that night, as he had to work the next day, and I stayed until THursday, when my folks were on their way to a wedding on Cape Cod, and dropped me off. We attended the small town parade, and Ingrid was swarmed by people who’d known me since I was a baby, and at one point, we had five cameras pointed at us. I sympathize with Britney. I’m only half kidding. Ingrid also had her first studio sitting, which resulted in almost 20 minutes straight of cheerful baby, which is a record. I’m glad it happened in front of the camera, and not like, when i was sleeping. She is a beauty.  ANd, you know, strong and smart and funny and stuff.

This one is unedited.  . . .

And this one I frigged around with high contrast and blurred layers and stuff. Davedoesn’t get the naked baby thing. I, personally, ADORE it.

My birthday was okay, lobster and cake and all, and my parents gaveme a check, which I used part of to treat myself to iLife06 and Photoshop Elements 4, but the combination of bad timing and me not working/money angst/etc meant that I didn’t get a present from Dave, which has really, really bothered me, and I’ve tried to say "this really bothers me" but it didn’t really get through until I started crying about it lastnight.  It’s not that I want(ed) someTHING, it’s just this thing where, if Dave felt like he could spend $200 on something that’s not-a-bill right now, he’d be fine, but he couldn’t figure out what to do without a huge pile of cash. This being my first birthday as a mom (or any holiday, since i missed mother’s day by five days) it really, really stung inthat "OMG, I am no longer important as ME, for I am Just Ingrid’s Mom" but to Dave, it was "I wish I had petty cash, but since I don’t, happy birthday anyway" and meeting in the middle is what didn’t happen. Anyway. I’m mentioning it because it’snot so much about dave, but about my first really emotional reaction to feeling like less of a gretchen, or whatever, as a result of BEING Ingrid’s mom. If that makes sense.

We were glad tocome home, though, and Dave was glad to see us.  This weekend we’ve hung out here — today Amy and her family were passing through, so she FINALLY got to hold Ingrid (I’m not kidding — after all of her help with the birth and everything? She never got to hold her. She was taking pictures and helping me with breastfeeding and escoritng my parents and sister through the hospital, and eating barbeque chips, and in all of the excitement, she was halfway to Portland before she realized SHE’D never gotten to sit down and hold Ingrid. Isn’t that awful?!) and even gave her a bath (yay!) before I joined her and her family at the Pancoe pool.  Dave stayed with Ingrid, and washed diapers,and hung them on the line to dry with Ingrid in a sling, and I just hung out in the pool. It was packed, so it’s not like I ‘went swimming,’ but it was nice to get wet and cool off.  They headed home after anhour or so, and I walked home, and Ingrid had just gotten hungry, so the 2oz of breastmilk I’d pumped to leave for my pool adventure are STILL available. Which means I have some evening of free time coming in the next few days, and I’m positively giddy at the thought. Who do I call? What do we do? Can I round up some people for sushi? Or do I want to go to a movie all by myself? I HAVE NO IDEA!

Oh well. Tomorrow is IUD-Day, and the next day my software arrives (geeeeeeek) and that’s about the most exciting thing going on this week. Yeehaw.

We are headed up to the lake for a few days of enjoying the grandparents, birthday lobster (31! Tomorrow! 30 was TOTALLY my year, KB!), some 4th of July celebratin’, and some whip-crackin’ on the paper-writin’.  In a wonderful example of irony (um, I think, ever since Reality Bites & Alanis Morrisette, I doubt my use of that word) I will be retreating to a home with only dialup and no wifi in order to get my paper on the revenge effect of technology written. You know the concept that all of these advances meant to make our lives easier and stuff, might actually get in the way of getting shit done? Hmm, yeah. That.  But, the return of my brain coincided with Dave’s return to work (okay, not necessarily, it showed up a few weeks after he went back to work) so having the free hands to write the paper is a challenge, too. With Grammie and Grampie at the ready, though, Mama might just finish these damn papers once and for all. Yee to the Haw.

In other YttH news, I done got me a job at Maine’s most famous outdoor retailer.  Catalog shoppers (no,I know! People still use the TELEPHONE to order stuff from other places! CRAZY!)  It’s odd to be applying for the type of job I went to college to move away from, but it’s less than 2 miles from my house, evening hours, part time, and a decent wage. Also, an easy-ass job, taking orders over the phone. (My other phone jobs were outbound health surveys, so people were annoyed to get called, and inbound tech support, where people were pissed that their internet stopped working. This is people excited to get the breed of their dog embroidered on their boat&tote bag.  Anyway, I start on September 5, which basically perfectly aligns with what I’d hoped to do about working/staying home.  It’s nice to know that there won’t be a gaping hole of "what next?" as we use our savings to supplement Dave’s income, you know? And I’ll finish my degree in December, and go from there. Woohoo.

If you haven’t noticed, I added 5 photos to Ingrid’s album, over yonder. I got a working D70 back, and still, the lust. Ahhhh.

Ingrid & my mom…