The other day, in an IM conversation, Jeanne and I were talking about nursing. One of the things that came up was the concept of mama getting "her body back," after pregnancy and nursing, etc. And that comment stuck with me, because for me, nursing IS getting my body back, in so many ways.

For one, I don’t use the word breastfeeding. I don’t like it. It sounds clinical and removed, and I’m sure it’s probably rooted in some political correctness ideal, but we don’t say "hey, check out the giraffe breastfeeding her calf," or "lookie! The panda is breastfeeding!"  For other mammals, we say nursing. Nursing to me, conveys so much more than ‘breastfeeding.’  Nursing conjures up a sentiment, and not just an activity. It more closely matches the feeling of feeding your baby from your own body, the physical act and bond that IS different than using a bottle.

(Okay, disclaimer city, if bottlefeeding is your bag, that’s totally cool, "feed yer baby" is the first rule, so please don’t get upset with me pontificating about how *I* prefer to feed my baby, because I know that I am fortunate to be able to do so.)

So, when Jeanne mentioned the concept of "getting your body back," it was odd for me to think "but, I DO have my body back."  Here’s the thing: nursing DOES give me my body back. My body is totally changed after the experience of pregnancy. My pregnancy wasn’t all wine and roses, as anyone whose read knows, what with the low progesterone, miscarriage history, back spasms, gestational diabetes, leg pain/sciatica, etc — but it was pretty damn cool. I really LIKED it. I really mourned the physical state once it was over, because I knew that I would only ever experience the feeling of my own child moving within me twice, if I’m lucky and things work out. Maybe that was the only time I’d feel it. WHo knows. What I do know, is that I really, really loved how my body morphed in that time. Not the look, because good lord,maternity clothes blow, but the feeling of "THIS is what my body has been made to do."  I’m not an athlete, I’m uncoordinated as all fuck, I had to have SPECIAL GYM when I was a kid, because I wasn’t getting what I was supposed to get out of regular gym.  So, yeah, me and my body have a long history of opposition. I abused it with smoking for ten years, I’ve never been a regular exerciser, and when I quit smoking, I had a struggle with weight. In my last journal, I wrote about wishing I could remove my head from my body, because my head — my head was in good shape. I had a good brain. A good sense of humor. It was my strong point. My body? Get rid of it, because it’s useless, except that it keeps blood flowing to my brain.

Pregnancy changed that. Pregnancy connected my brain to my body (in fact, it sucked a lot of my brain directly into my uterus, I think) in a way that had never, ever happened for me before. Cartwheels? I can’t do. Gestate? BRING. IT. ON.

And when pregnancy ended, with that last push that sent Ingrid into the world, I temporarily lost my body for a minute. It actually morphed into an entirely new entity, one that could still do it’s job of growing a human, but the human was now on the outside. At first, I was flailing like every attempted cartwheel. In the labor room, I panicked at the sudden split of my new body, terrified that with Ingrid on the outside, I was doomed to fail again, to end up in special gym, shrugging and saying "well, at least I’m smart."  It took a few days, my flat nipples slowed us down a bit, but after a few days, we were off running, no restraint, no special gym.

And when I’m nursing Ingrid in the middle of the night, her sleepy body a different one than that of the day-nursings, she stretches against me, puts her hand flat on my breastbone, or wrapped around my thumb, and her legs roll against me, I realize: This is my body now. My body isn’t back.  My body is finally here.

Ingrid giggled yesterday! She’s been laughing, kind of a one note "heh" for a few weeks, but yesterday during our American Bandstand hour, where we dance infront of the mirror with the OTHER family that looks back at us, she totally giggled. Dave and I were both right there, and we couldn’t get it again, but I’m glad that the first giggle was shared by all of us. GIGGLES ROCK.

We also visited MIL (just Ingrid and I, because I NOT EVIL) because we were gone for her birthday, and visiting after Dave gets home from work = fussy hour. She did pretty well; I had to nurse her while I was there, which obviously made my MIL a little uncomfortable (she offered me a towel, heh) and when one of her friends stopped by and asked "what brand of milk is she on?"and I said "Oh, I’m nursing!" as though her question was totally ludicrous (a little passive aggressive lactivism, you know) she got a little weird, too. I have a whole post i want to do on nursing, but I’m getting more and more lactivicious as time goes on. We nursed at the conservation award thing! And screw discretion, when you’re dealing with boobs like mine, there is no discretion if no one is there to hold the baby while I undo and redo my bra. Boobie everywhere! But, it was a tentful of conservationists, so they dealt pretty well.

Anyway, Ingrid fussed on and off, but did give MIL a few good grins, and then she started really cranking because she was tired, so I said as much and scopped her up to leave. She cranked down the hall, and when we got in the elevator and the doors closed, she looked up at me, spit her paci out, and grinned at me. I felt like we’d conspired to escape Alcatraz, and just laughed the whole way down. MIL gave me Dave’s baby book, which was kept by his then 15-ish year old sister, and then by him, which is so sad, to see his little crazy kid handwriting under "2nd birthday presents" scrawling "I GoT a BORTHDAY CAkE" or whatever. Poor guy. But, his sister loved the record keeping, and we know that Dave was an early teether (4 months!) and an early walker (9.5 months!) and i’m sure just as soon as Ingrid pops a tooth (teething ages can be genetic, so we might be in for early-ish teeth here) my MIL will be horrified that I continue to nurse. Next thing you know, Ingrid will be asking for it! (Which reminds me, I need to get some Baby Sign stuff…)

Today I got annoyed when my new diapers and a wrap I’d purchased had STILL not arrived, after being ordered almost two weeks ago and shipped priority. I emailed the seller of the wrap (it was a FSOT purchase) just to say "hey, I know it’s not your fault, but do you have any dates I can use when i call the PO?" and not only did she have dates, she had a TRACKING NUMBER which showed that the mailman had tried to deliver last week, and he left a note to reschedule delivery. WTF? I called the PO, and sure enough, 2 packages have been on the shelf for a week or so, and they’ll be coming today, but neither required a signature! And I’ve NEVER had to schedule a delivery (since then, 2 other packages have been dropped off at the doorstep with no problems) and I’mhere every day, AND the mailman always SEES me, because I keep the front door open all day and evening, to let fresh air through, and a lot of times, we even say "hello."  The day they tried to deliver was the ONE day I wasn’t here, and the mail was late that day because Istuck around til 3:30 waiting for it, before finally leaving for the lake. It must’ve been a sub delivery person or SOMETHING, but whatever. My stuff comes tomorrow! Yay!

Also, if anyone wants a really nice, not-so-big house in a great neighborhood (mine!) let me know. My next youngest neighbor on the street and her husband are selling their house to move closer to their grandkids. (Yes, she’s the next youngest in age to me. And a grandmother.)  It’s a really sweet house — a mirror image of ours with some edits — new roof/siding/windows, they turned the garage into a den/dining area and have a detached 2car garage instead, the whole place is neat as a pin — and I have no idea what they are asking, but I’m really hoping that a cool younger family moves in. When we bought here, it was with the hope that there would be some turnover while we were here, so that our future kids (now Ingrid! whee!) would have local friends, and now it looks like it’s starting to happen. Of course, there are several houses for sale in our larger neighborhood, that have been for sale for some time, so who knows if it will move quickly. (Really, though, great house! great neighborhood! great city — our taxes are going DOWN here!)

And that is my update of many random things. Yeehaw.

Ingrid recieved a package yesterday, from my dad’s cousin (and well, mine too, but he and my dad are the same age) and his wife, that was an explosion of pink. Pink pink pink. A few things are already too small, the onesie that says "pretty girl" will probably fit, and it IS the thought that counts, I know I know I know, but on top of this box o’ Vagina Wear were three of those skull garters, which I despise. DESPISE. But, I was bored, so I figured I’d snap them all onto Ingrid’s head.  Her reaction was not one of glee.

Then she started throwing gang signs around.

Fight the Power!

And when I took them off, there were dents in her head.

Those things totally suck.

In other news, our trip home went well, and one night Ingrid slept 13 hours straight.It was not repeated, and my tits woke me up long before she did, but holy lord god, THIRTEEN HOURS?!  I think she has dropped to one night feeding since then, though, which is cool — I put her in bed around 8, she nursed around 2:30, and then Dave brought her in to bed at around 5, where she snuggled down and slept til 8.  I am fully aware that these things can change without notice, but it’s been pretty good so far.

I am a total babywearing geek. Here’s a collage I put together, from the only pictures of Ingrid in a sling that I have… but she was way too freakin’ cute, playing with the baby in the mirror and snuggling her face into my chest between grins at the ‘other’ baby….  I really want to get a picture of her in our cool sling.  Babywearing rocks!

Ingrid had her 2 month appointment today, at 9.5 weeks she weighs 11.5 pounds (50th%, so totally average) and is 24.5 inches tall (95th%, so very above average) and has a head circumference of 15.75 (75th%, so above average.)  Basically, she’s long, lean, and smart as a whip. OBVIOUSLY.  I actually wonder if the long/lean thingis why the prefolds have been absolutely befuddling to us, if that affects the fit or whatever. Oh well.  She also had her first set of shots, and after debating between "stagger the shots, so use more needles over a longer time and if there’s a reaction, it’s easier tofigure out" and "go whole-hog like most babies, and if there’s a reaction, stagger from then on, why use more needles than necessary."  We went with whole-hog, and she was a trouper. SHe shrieked at the first shot (and I welled up, because I had to hold her arms 🙁 ) but by the time the band aids were unwrapped, she was totally cool.  That’s my big brave girl!

I also, again, found the sling-love. I never DON’T have it, really, but when I took her to the ped, I briefly thought about just carting her in without it, since we don’t have to park far away or anything. But, I figured I’d throw it on anyway, since (and I know how self-righteous this is) it’s good for people to see that there are other ways to conveniently carry your baby beyond a bucket seat.  Really, though, it’s not seen that often ’round here, and I’m really NOT a super-hippie, really!  Anyway. 

The receptionist loved it (I wore my Terrababy pouch, with the funky print) and said "I see some plain ones, but never a cool one!) and handed me a clipboard, which, OH YEAH, THAT’S why it’s good to use the sling at the ped’s — it’s not about the walk in, but what you do inside. I take the clipboard, fill out everything and immediately interpret the "FOR OFFICE USE ONLY" column of the developmental milestones sheet, and determine that Ingrid was right on target, and then I just stood up and rocked my hips back and forth while Ingrid slept in the pouch, as we were there at what seems to be a typical naptime.  After her shots, I scooped her up and tucked her in before gathering our stuff and going to the checkout area, and she just pressed against me and was totally content, and the receptionist (a different one) commented on how calm she was for just having her first shots. But really?I think the sling TOTALLY HELPED. I’m very "do what you need to do, follow your own instincts" etc, but as a total babywearing convert, I just can’t fathom the "Welcome to your first taste of pain. Now sit in this bucket on the floor while mama makes your next appointment."  I really, really think that everyone should have a good pouch, at the very least, along with all the other things babies ‘require.’ It’s sad that they aren’t more readily available, or that they are so often super-hippie-ass looking, enough that ‘mainstream’ mamas are icked out by it. And hell, *I* wouldn’t wear anything too hippie-ass, because it’s not my style. I tend to be one to wear jeans or khakis, and a solid color knit top (oh giant boobs, how I long to fit into a button up in my lifetime) and my terrababy is like my glasses (which are black, rectangular, and have rhinestones in them) — an accessory that is fun to wear, when you aren’t typically a fun-dressing person.  I like my KKAFP (avocado green) and my slingset pouch (a lavender color) as well, but my terrababy is fun to wear.  It doesn’t make one automatically assume that I don’t shave my armpits and only drink milk from goats I own, you know? (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) ANYWAY. Along with the Raising Readers pack (which, aside, I love the Raising Readers program, and I didn’t realize we got free books after we left the hospital, too! But we do, at every wellbaby visit til she’s FIVE) there should be a sling program as well. It’ll never happen, but it would be great if it were mentioned in infant care classes, or at the peds (Why is there no PSA about carseats and flat heads, you know?) or… something. But when your ‘sling’ options are a snugli, a baby bjorn, or that giant pillowcase called a NOJO, how else would you know unless you were an internet junkie (ahem) or saw them around… so I like being seen around. I’ve been asked about them, I always rave about it, and now with my local project, I can send people to my website to find out more, but providing links to TBW and suchlike.

I do love my stroller, too, don’t get me wrong! Yesterday we went on a loooong walk (I seriously had no idea that I’d been gone for more than 2 hours, and was totally shocked at the time when I got home) around city forest with a friend and her baby, and the Mac totally took the gravel road by storm. Ingrid digs the stroller, too — kicks back and takes in the world around her, or falls asleep, and wearing her on a walk like that would be DAMN HOT. (I was a sweaty pig when we got home, but a GOOD sweat — if I’d been wearing her, we both probably would’ve melted.)

I joked with my friend that I’m the 80 percent mom, because I do everything in an 80/20 fashion. 80 percent cloth, 20 disposable. 80 percent sling/20 stroller. 80 percent nursing, straight from the tap, 20 bottle of expressed. 80 stay at home mom, 20 working/studying. 80 crib/20 cosleeping. Obviously 100 love, but that’s just a given. And that’s the groove that works for me.  I don’t think I could do anything 100% without being really stressed out at STAYING at 100%, you know? So, I’m the 80% mom. It works.

We use cloth 80% of the time, but use disposables overnight. Currently, we use White Cloud, which are the house brand at Walmart, but I like them because they are cheap, hypoallergenic (no perfumes, dyes, etc), and tastefully adorned with Baby Lennon (or whatever it is) images.  I hate hate hate going to WalMart though, and I’m going to need to take a pack to the lake with me this weekend, and wondered if anyone had experience with other store-brands, and snobbily, what the decorations are. I just read a review that said that Target brand are just like White Cloud, but they have CARE BEARS on them. And that just seems lame. Maybe I can dealwith the Baby Lennon stuff because it doesn’t smack of commercialism (even though it totally is) like Care bears or Disney prints do?  Inoticed that Hannaford’s have Clifford (which, as a character based in books and fairly gen neutral doesn’t bother me as much as Disney Vagina Princesses do) and RiteAid seems to be just snails or something… so if you have a store brand diaper that you recommend, it’d be cool to know what ad they’d be displaying across the waistband.

Diapers on the line, ahhhh.  We’re still cloth diapering, but haven’t really gotten swell with the prefolds, dammit. I just cleaned out a vendor of their Kissaluvs in the next size up, so when Ingrid outgrows the Zeros (shown here) we’ll be good to go for the next size. A lot of people don’t like the 1s as much as the 0s,citing absorbency issues, but with prefolds used as doublers, I think we’ll be good to go. BUT, that being said, we don’t need all 3 dozen, and I’ve put together a package of stuff to sell to anyone who wants to try cloth diapering for cheap.  Package includes:

• 18 Unbleached Chinese Prefolds, size small, aka Infant. I purchased them from here,
  have washed them several times with no detergent to ‘season’ them,
  folded them, and then never used them. The CPFs we have used have all
  come from the front of the basket, so these haven’t even seen drool, as
  I don’t rotate the stock, so to speak. (retails for $28)
• 1 Newborn ProRap cover (retails for 7.50)
• 1 Newborn Bummis Super Snap cover (retails for 8.99)
• 1 Newborn Prorap AIO diaper(retails for 9.95)
• 1 green Snappi diaper fastener

The
covers were part of an ebay lot, I used the Bummi’s once, and didn’t
like it as much as my Imse Vimses.  They are in great condition.  I’d
like to sell the whole set for $30*, shipped priority mail to the US.

*Super Secret Blog Reader discount. I have them listed for 35 on the forums.

The other thing I have for sale is a Slingset pouch, in periwinkle(scrolldown for pic), size 6.  I purchased it to be an outer pouch for 2 pouch carries, but it’s just not as easy as I found wrapping to be, so I have a new (to me, I never pay retail!) gypsy mama wrap on the way to  have for light 2-shouldered carries. I do like the pouch, which is why I’m keeping the size 5, and this was purchased brand new from the retailer. It’s a discontinued color (sadly, as I think it’s the nicest one), so I paid 25 + 4-something for s&h.  A new one in a current color is $38, and the Super Secret Blog Reader discount price for this is $20, shipped priority mail to the US.

Also up for grabs, a Nicole Miller Snugli, purchased for $25 at BRU, and never used, because I dig my pouches way more. Super Secret Blog Reader Discount, $15, shipped priority mail in the US.

Everything comes from a smoke free home, but we do have a cat. (DUH.)  However, the cat has never been near the diapers, snugli, or slingset pouch, as Ingrid’s room freaks her right the fuck out.

In other news, Dave and I had an awesome evening the other night designing a logo for my new project BangorBaby.com.  I’m still working on fleshing it out, and am more motivated to since Andy just told some of his friends about it, and they happen to work at the BDN, and thought it would be a great thing to mention. Um, GIVE ME A MINUTE! ACK! Now I’m installing forums, maybe have a baby-stuff gretchen’s-list FSOT kind of thing there, or whatever, because that’s something that would probably be cool to have around here…  and on THAT note, if anyone has any tips on how to customize a wordpress theme with the logo, etc, to give it more fluidity, that would be cool. I’m still mucking around, trying to do it myself, but if anyone has a tip — let me know. (And if you wouldn’t mind clicking the link, someone, I’d like to see if my statcounter is working…. )

And forreading all that, it’s a picture of mama and ingrid!