This time last year, I was on my way to Portland, a freshly positive HPT sitting on my nightstand upstairs.  A year later, the widget is wiggling around, all jacked up on a whole wheat english muffin and navel orange, and I’m getting ready to take a shower and go to Target before my OB appointment. Weird how things change.

Last night we washed all of the baby clothes we’ve received thus far, and sorted them by size, and then counted what we have. Like last year, I’m about to go to Portland (tomorrow) but this time, the BRU trip is with a purpose, to pick up some basics that we don’t have yet (I’ve never been to a shower where not ONE package of plain ol’ white Gerber onesies were given, until my own), and to have one last hurrah in the big city with Amy. The next time I go to Portland? I’ll be a mom. And it will probably be 2010.

All those little pieces are starting to line up for the end run, though. We have clothes. And diapers. And nursing supplies, and slings, and developmentally appropriate mobiles. And after tomorrow, plain ol’ white onesies and some more sleeper thingies.  So weird, you know? Baby is coming SOON. We’ll know if it’s a boy or girl, people will stop asking us about names, we’ll be totally sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, and damn, we’ll be PARENTS. That is so. weird.

On a technical note: we are switching our phone/DSL provider to save money, which means that we apparently will be without DSL for 7-10 days, OMG. So if you don’t see me on AIM, or wonder why I’m not posting or whatever, it is NOT because I am in labor. Though not having DSL for 7-10 days will be of a similar pain. But, yay, we get to support our local phone company, AND save 30 bucks a month. Whee.

Hey look! Chock full o’ baby, I am. This was the day of my shower, in the baby room we’ve set up. It’s weird, I have really, really big boobs, but they haven’t really grown with pregnancy, I’m in all my same bras (though, not underwire now) but it’s weird to see them look almost… small . .. compared to the belly, you know?

One of the things at the shower that threw me, was when mainegirl said "If you need anything next month, let me know, I have every other day off [sidenote, what a GREAT schedule. If I could get a part-time gig like that in a school? ALL OVER IT] and would be ahppy to come over so you can take a shower or whatever…" and I literally blinked, and was thinking "Uh, huh? What’s so special about next month?" until I realized "OH MY GOD, I’m HAVING A BABY NEXT. MONTH." (And what a great offer! I may very well take you up on that.)

In other news, my sister is being flaky. I know! I know, total surprise.  From the minute she heard I was pregnant, she said she wanted to come home and help out, which is great. She would be really good to have around those first few days, to help with taking care of us new parents, mostly. But, she has a dog, and I said from day one "What about the dog?" I think I’ve even written about it here, that we really, really can’t have a dog here — we aren’t dog people, we’re going to be dealing with a NEW BABY, and hello, our cat is a slow moving meatball to a high strung dog.  It’s just not cool with us.

Today, I talked to her, and she brought up the dog again, and I brought up the "Kate, really, we can’t have a dog here, I’ve told you…." and now she’s all offended (it has been dscussed over and over and over) and "well, if I can’t sleep with the dog inside, then I can’t stay with you," and I’m like "Well, okay then. We can’t have a dog here." So, whatever. Maybe my mom will come — I had said that I couldn’t have everyone stay here, that one person was okay, but not my whole family camped out in the guest room, with my sister sleeping in the hammock out back. (No, really, she’d do that. She’s, you know, Kate.)

Anyway. We’ll survive. So frustrating, though, to have this all sort of happen RIGHT NOW, when I’ve been SAYING for MONTHS that we can’t. have. a. dog. in. the. HOUSE. Is that a totally irrational request? I don’t think the dog is even a year old. Sigh. We’ll figure it out.

After all the angsting I did over a baby shower, it went off really well.

Dave and I worked all day yesterday on getting the upstairs ready, which involved lots of dusting and sorting and laundry and furniture moving, but by the time Amy showed up, the sewing room turned storage of babystuff and extraneous crafty material was looking like an actual NURSERY. Like, with a crib made up, and books on shelves and changing station set up. WEIRD.  Amy was a little surprised or whatever at seeing me, you know, PREGNANT. I last saw her when I was maybe 8w, not hardly pregnant at all, and now here I am with a big belly that’s MOVING and shit. It was cool. It was cool to just hang out with Amy as well, even if I was bone tired and had aching feet when she got here.

This morning, we finished clearing out the hall, I straightened up our bedroom, Amy worked on putting together the games and other stuff… my mom got here about 9, dropped off a boatload of food and stuff, and headed back out to the grocery store, and Amy and I went to HoJo’s for a quick breakfast. Dave worked on the lawn, and while we were gone, my mom came back with a glider for the nursery, that Dave assembled.  Yay! I’d registered for one, but figured we’d pull up the old LaZBoy that Dave has in the basement if we didn’t get one. 

Amy and my Mom went nuts on making everything look good, and our guests started arriving right at 1. The upstairs  was literally, model-home looking (SO RARE HERE) so I was able to show our house to people that hadn’t seen it before, or hadn’t seen all the changes we’ve done. Even my MIL went upstairs to see what Dave had done, she really likes the blog I keep for family, and said she’d read the entry on the hallway 3 times, and was so impressed that DAVE had done all of that.  While I was upstairs, almost everyone arrived, and I went up and down a few times to show the house and the nursery, etc. 

Amy did great with the games — even working in a "gretchen isn’t a total freak with the cloth diapers, yo" element by having a game where people were timed on how fast they could (cloth) diaper a doll, socks, mittens, hat, and swaddled, all while tucking the phone against your shoulder…. and the ILs were certainly taken by the Kissaluv, and sort of maybe had a better understanding that I’M NOT CRAZY by the end of it.  The other games were less intense — frozen baby ice cubes "because we know dave and gretchen are a little odd, so frozen babies fit right in" that when your baby was freed, you got a prize, a drawing to match whatever was on the bottom of your plate, you got a prize, and baby washcloths, folded up CD style, and whoever had the peanut butter inside, got a prize. BAsically, if you came to my house, you got a prize. And favors — amy and theboys made alll kinds of yummy glycerin soaps for people, my mom had bags of candy and little bulbs to plant as favors.

We got TONS of stuff — a few important things from the registry, tons of clothes, and none of them offensive, some yummy bath stuff… mainegirl hooked us up with so much Burt’s Bees Baby Bees stuff, that when I was putting it away, I realized I didn’t even OPEN one of the packages (so, thanks again!) — and my sister sent California Baby stuff, and Amy brought JASON organics stuff. the one thing I will see if I can return, actually, is a bath set from my SIL & niece, and even then, they really tried to consider me, i think, but the J&J lavender stuff bath set is probably a little too-too for my skin. (As far as all this stuff goes, the baby might be fine, but my eczema is worst in the crooks of my elbows, where I imagine I’ll be holding the baby on occasion, what with summer coming and all, so it’s really ALL ABOUT ME.)  But that was certainly considered, in that they didn’t even get the ‘normal’ J&J stuff, but they probably didn’t even think as far as more hypoallergenic than that, you know? Still, I might not take it back (hey, it’s the perfect gift for a baby shower! All wrapped and everything! Heh) but to have just one thing be ‘off’ is pretty good. My MIL got the monitor, one SIL got the bouncer (and made a white set of blanket, hat and booties) and the other got the mobile (in additon to the lavender stuff). My friend Jenne got me the Avent ISIS breast pump, with the explanation of "Well, I figured for Gretchen that the thing that was all black and looked like a torture device was the best choice." Heh. My friend Jess got us a diaper bag from LLBean; not the official diaper bag, but a travel bag that would work as a diaper bag, in a really nice cranberry red color, and then made 2 blanket and hat sets. My mom, in addition to the glider, picked up some other things, like washcloths and Aveeno stuff (see, I have this eczema? hahah) and some books, etc. Deb showed up with a cool wire and canvas hamper filled to the BRIM with clothes, some stuff (bottle brush, bowls, big ceramic piggy bank) and a dozen bleached prefolds.  Amy, in addition to all the help with the shower, and the house and all of that, has lent us her bassinet, then bought some sheets for it, and some clothes, and some organic baby bath stuff and had a book signed by the author.  She also had everyone write down advice for us as parents, which was really sweet — it was really nice to see what people had to offer.

Amy also played ambassador to the ILs, apparently telling them that while I seem a little ‘crusty?’ (was that the word, Aim?) I’m actually a biiiiiig softie when it comes to babies and kids, since I’d been there when she’d had hers… so that was an added gift as well. Oh, and the book was inscribed to "Widget Mylast," and so reading it out loud sort of sets the stage with "remember? baby gets Mylast?"  I’ll be posting a recap on the family blog, where I’ll probably throw in a "baby Mylast is so blessed to have so many people just waiting to meet it and love it…." Nice and subtle, and just STEEEEEEPED in "we’re all family no matter what the name(but the widg gets my name, no discussion.)"

The thing that was weird, was just — I’ve never HAD a shower, you know? Or big birthday parties, or other events wherein I am the center of attention. It was so odd to have so many people I KNOW in the same room, and yet, not be part of the conversation as I was opening presents. I’ve been a guest at showers many times, and always enjoy chatting to the people next to me, where this time I was the one opening while people chatted.  Normally I hang out with people one-on-one, so to have just a brief conversation with Jenne or Jess or whoever, despite them being in my HOUSE for 2 hours, and givingme GREAT PRESENTS, just felt — odd. I wasn’t NOT talking to people, i was just in the middle of things, and yet, distanced from everything at the same time.

I think the guests had a good time, though, we didn’t make them eat baby food from a diaper (AND YOU THINK I’M MAKING THAT UP, don’t you?) and the favors were things *I* would’ve liked (so my ILs were probably like, "where’s my stork themed ballpoint pen, anyway?") and the food was a good blend, and hey! there was cake!

My mom swooped out of here after the guests left, having to drive 2 hours back home and having spent the day working all day, and Amy stayed a bit later to de-tag all the clothes and sort all the bath stuff and take stuff upstairs, etc. Dave was still out at Matt’s, and didn’t get home til 7, so there was this weird few hours where I was all alone after a weekend of craziness. Dave gothome and was excited to see all the neat stuff, and he sat in the glider, with the boppy, and one of the Avent bottles from the pump set and a doll Amy’d left and was like "oh, I see how it all works now." And it was soooo cute. I’m a sucker for a cute husband practicing baby-holding.

I have a ton of laundry to do, to get the baby clothes ready, and we still have to fill in some blanks, but we’ve gotten some gift cards and giftmoney that will help with that. I’m going to go down to Portland for one last hurrah next weekend, to hang out with Amy without crazy-get-ready-for-baby-shower-ness going on, and to see the boys, and to have some motherly advice to take to BRU to finish out what we need to be Totally Ready.

Like you can ever be totally ready, right? Anyway, wow, we’re going to have a baby.

It’s just so WEIRD, this part. I’m so tired, it seems, all the time. I’m at school right now, two cups of tea into me and could just PASS OUT at my desk if I allowed myself. And yet, i’m getting so excited to get to the end of the pregnancy part, and start with the parenting part.

The weather has been glorious, and I remember anticipating this spring, last fall, and how it would be such a great time to have a baby. The weather this week ismaking that all the more real to me. I wonder if any of the bulbs I planted last spring will pop up this year.

Yesterday, I met a local mom from ADL at the bagel shop, which was very cool. It was the first in person, local conversation I’d had that I didn’t feel like a freak. She is using a sling with her 4week old, and apparently gets lots of comments, and one of the downtown shops (that really, I thought would know about them since the one wrap I’ve ever seen in use was on one of their former buyers…) apparently wants to start stocking them after seeing it in action. It was also neat to look at the litle 4week old and think that I am really close to having one of those myself. It seems so far off and weird and surreal, and to be at the bagel shop as such a …. grown up — me, all pregnant and the mom with her tiny baby, as opposed to the way-back days of hanging out in a large group of high school kids that may or may not be skipping school at any given moment.  I also got the scoop about the hospital, and that there’s at least one great nurse, and one annoying night nurse. 

After the bagel shop (mmmm), I went to the Y for the aqua class. I was sort of dreading it, the warm weather had me feeling hot and sticky (HOLY SHIT, am I glad I’m not pregnant in the summer…) and the pool is always soooo warm, but the thought of weightlessness for an hour won out. Amazingly, the pool was cool and refreshing. Not that they’d changed the temperature, but just that the relative temperature to outside or the individual or whatever makes it just-right. After the pool, I ran out to get my mom’s birthday present, and ended up crashing on the couch for a half hour or so, until my parents showed up at the door. We went and got my mom a new digital camera (hers, whichis exactly like mine, went haywire over the weekend and she wanted a smaller one anyway, but it now has me all paranoid that my camera will die at the WORST POSSIBLE TIME ever. Of course, I would imagine I could probably get hooked up relatively quickly by my dad. BUT STILL. PARANOIA.) and then took her to dinner at the Texas Roadhouse, where, I hate to admit it, I actually enjoyed the food. I evenhad — gasp! — steak. I last had steak in, oh, September? When we told my folks about the widget? and before that, yeaaaars ago. Anyway, the steak was good, and the house salad was really one of the best house salads I’ve ever had. usually they are limp white iceberg lettuce and some carrot shavings, but this had great greens and tomatoes and hard boiled egg and cabbage, and YUM.  My folks took me home, Dave came home from his dinner out with friends and we hung out a bit before his gaming night, and I went to bed relatively early.

Today, i was supposed to teach one of my prof’s classes, as he was supposed to be going to Penn State for a conference, buthe had to back out when he had a major plumbing emergency at his house, so I’m here, in a windowless room on a gorgeous day, trying desperately to stay awake. I have class tonight, and tomorrow I have a GD appt, but my numbers are really good (steak, salad, and steamed veggies are GREAT for the GD diet, apparently…) so I hope I dont have to argue too much with the nutritionist.  I also plan on running some errands — getting groceries, getting my oil changed, cleaning out my car and maybe vacuuming it (there’s still pine needles in  the cargo area from our christmas tree….) getting the dishes done and such… and then Amy will be arriving to help with the baby room, which will be SO WEIRD, and again, making it feel like it’s coming at me like a train. The shower is Sunday, which I’m looking forward to, and from that point we’ll know what we need to buy ourselves. That sounds sort of greedy, but that’s how it is. My wedding gifts were luxuries, nothing we needed, but stuff that replaced or supplemented what we had. We NEED onesies, you know? And a swing and packnplay (and now ten people will say, "no you don’t!" but the one piece of advice Dave got at work was "GET A SWING," so for him, we NEED it, and for us, the PNP is to be our downstairs baby station, since we don’t have a bathroom on the first floor, etc, I NEED a place to plop the baby when I’m running to the bathroom, or changing laundry, or what have you.).

I also want to get to Portland one last time before the widg arrives, to see Amy’s boys, to have one last night away, alone, and for one last run to the real BRU, just in case there’s something I can’t get here.

Oh, and then I hve to finish all my school stuff, too.

Good lord, i just want to nap.

Yay! UMaine is in the Frozen Four. As the most unlikely hockey fan, ever, this makes me happy.  Of course, watching the game the announcers from the regional ESPN channel that was being fed to the local station were obviously incredulous of Maine’s victory — they beat the #1 East seed, Michigan State, but really, when the score is 4-3, the right words are "Maine is leading" not "Michigan is almost tied up!" Maybe it was like "oh, shit, our script is all fucked up, this was supposed to be All Michigan!" Anyway, yay, Frozen Four, and we got to watch the victory with time left to spare to get to the hopsital for our last CBE class.

This class had the much-awaited tour, and that was neat. I was really surprised to see that the L&D rooms were so …. small. Like, that’s all the room you need for bringing forth a new life? Wow. Our bedroom is certainly bigger, and we have a small house.  Saw the ‘shower unit,’ which they hype on their website, and seriously? It’s a closet they turned into a shower that they stash wheelchairs in. If I want it, I’ll ask for it, but I was really hoping that their mention of the word ‘showers’ on their L&D FAQ meant that each ROOM had a shower… not the case. Hopefully, if I want a shower, I’ll still fit into the cubby that holds it.  The L&D rooms overlook the Penobscot, and the Waterworks (yay!, well, what’s left of them) but like I’ll give a rat’s ass what the view is when I’m there for real. They have birth balls, and squat bars, and there’s at least a bathroom in each L&D room.  We walked by the nursery and saw a brand new baby with lots of dark hair and heard about that, and then we visited a postpartum room. Unfortunately, all of the single rooms were occupied, so we saw a double — they put women into singles first, then start putting women in doubles, and only when all the doubles are occupied with at least one person do they start with roommates, so that’s good. I guess it’s fairly rare to have a full house, though. Postpartum rooms seem to have a view of the parking lot, and the Standpipe.

In the core of the floor are the operating & OR recovery rooms, and the NICU. The NICU is literally right outside the L&D stretch of rooms, and from the postpartum side, it’s all glass windows with curtains, and the eerie blue glow of what I assume are UV lights? coming through the fabric. Knowing what a NICU is intellectually, and peripherally of people who’ve had kids in it, it just made my stomach clench a bit in fear for myself and empathy for whoever was certainly in that eerie blue light behind the curtains.

I also felt, again, totally validated that I’m in the right practice. A woman due a few says AFTER me has already been scheduled a C-section, because the baby is breech. Well, so what? She’s 33 weeks pregnant, almost, was scheduled LAST week at 32, and given the option of delivering at 38 or 39w. She also talked about the other things that really bugged her about her doc, like that he never had time to answer her questions so she was always calling a friend that’s an NP to get clarification. and even said "I’m an educated person, and I can’t imagine what it must be like for someone who doesn’t have the resources I have…" I mean, scheduled C! by 32 weeks! In the discussion of breech babies, it came up that my practice is the only one that does external version, and I feel QUITE confident that I would never be scheduled for a C for a breech at 32w baby.

In other news, the hallway is doooonnneeeee. Pics soon, but the paint is up, the trim, the finish nail holes filled in, tape removed, etc. Next steps are to clean (de-dust) the hall closet, and de-dust the baby room and work on getting the last of my crafty/not-baby related stuff packed up.  Dave will put together the changing table this week, which will relaly be key in getting everything to fall into place, I think, because then I can get my diapers set up and all of our little health and beauty stuff (lotions & creams & stuff) sorted.

Tomorrow I present my seminar, which is, err, in progress. The deal is that I do my presentation, and then write a paper (due in May, like everything else!) with more details, and I definitely have enough for my seminar presentation, and have lots of great articles for my paper, so I at LEAST have that. I also find it fascinating, because I have found internet social connections so natural to create and maintain, and it’s not that I don’t think I am too shy or otherwise incapable of forming local social connections, but that it’s certainly hard to find like-minded people with my geographic limitations.  Especially when it comes to the advent of new motherhood — I’m sure, or hoping, that that experience in and of itself is enough to have a common ground, but all of our CBE classes have only really reinforced that we have pretty different beliefs than most of our peers — even the pregnant ones. Not that breastfeeding, or wanting to have the least interventions possible, or being anti-circ or any of that makes us BETTER or WORSE, it’s just … it makes me feel very much like I’m one of Them and they aren’t. Or vice versa.  I do plan on going to the local support groups, like the postpartum and breastfeeding ones, or LLL, but I wonder how many people actually go to THOSE, you know? Anyway.

Childbirth Education — check. Hallway done — check. Nursery arrangement on deck, shower next weekend, and it’s all downhill from there, right?