So, yeah, I had to look up what CD I’m on.  Thank god for mymonthlycycles.com, I’m on CD35.

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Well, the GOF schedule went as planned, basically, Friday, Sunday, Monday, and maybe tomorrow.  I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday, though, which would make my 2WW end on 4/4, and the EDD 12/12.  Is there any good omen in such double numbers? Although, a 12/12 birthday would be shared with none other than Bob Barker, which, since watching TPIR is our favorite guilty pleasure on federal holidays. could be easily construed as a sign. Heh.

I feel pretty good about our odds this month. But, then again, I have felt pretty good about our odds every other month.  This one, though, is improved by last cycle’s ovulation revelation (I do!) and this month’s fertility signs and such, and I feel like this month and last were MUCH more accurate and that we tried as hard as possible, so the confidence lifts. That probably makes no sense, but, fuck it, I feel good about this month.

I was leaving class tonight, bloated with gas (and I’m uhhh, stopped up) and having to pee, and tired from my day, and while I didn’t go "ooh! SYMPTOMS?" I did think "Hmmm, is this what it’s like? This kinda sucks." 

And so. I wait. Sigh.

You know, things are good, relatively speaking. 

As soon as I realized I’d started, almost instantly, the phone rang and it was Dave.  I let him know what had happened, and his first question was "Are you okay?" and his second question was "What now?"  He asked if there was anything he could do, anything he could take or do or find out about that would get me pregnant.  I know I’m lucky to have a husband as on board as he is, and I appreciate that.  What he IS doing is getting s schedule of benefits from his HR person for our insurance.  We figure it would be good to know what we can expect from the insurance company no matter what.

And that is on top of the great house we live in, the great property we have, how truly miraculous it is that we managed to find a place that blends the wooded community of my hometown with being right in the heart of Bangor and it’s amenities.  We’re lucky that we have the money to buy a spoiler or a sassy dye job (pics coming soon, lola) or  to pay our tax bill or eat good food. We’re lucky.  It will be okay.

I started a ticker, by the way, that you may have noticed in the last entry.  I linked it at the left, under Babyish Links, for your (and my) reference.  I used to be pretty anti-ticker, and they are mostly eye-roll worthy, but the more I deal with this TTC ness, the more I see their value.  I tried to pick out the least cheesy and most informative style, and avoided all stork, rabbit, and birds/bees references.  The little cartoon couple actually looks like what Dave and I would look like as stick figures, dressed in our favorite colors and all.  I just wish that when they hit the red zone the counter did some sort of kinky move and had some crazy stick figure GOF.  A girl can dream, right?  Anyway, in case you are wondering where I am on the fertility map, that’ll give you a quick idea.

Motherfucker.

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First of all, I wandered over to my city’s school department website to find that I really should just stop worrying.  The city department has openings for ed techs (11.50/hr), subs (68/day) and tutors (13/hr.)  All of which I am totally qualified for.  In comparison, my school pays ed techs <9/hr, 50/day, and no clue on tutors.  And have I mentioned that there are two schools within a less-than-five-minute WALK from my house? I will so be all set.

And, I’ve been shooting games this week, and I’m working on a post about that, because there’s a lot about it that is sweet and sad. It’s hard to describe unless you grew up there, but I’m going to try to.  Of course, the two teams that are most annoying to shoot — my alma mater and our biggest rival — both won their games, and thus will be playing AGAINST each other on Friday, so it’s Hell Squared. Well, okay, not HELL, but certainly the most unpleasant tourney scenario that could be envisioned.  It’s still going okay, though, I still like being the only woman sports photog down there, even though I hate sports I think it’s good to be representin’ for the chicks.

And, on chicks, Babyish update behind the cut:

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Oh, it’s that time of the month again. No, not THAT time, the new ‘that time,’ one week post-ovulation, when I begin compounding my lists of signs, and analyzing them. 

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I had a weird dream last night.  My head, the top of it, opened up and began drawing in a new soul. The sides of my head parted, and it didn’t hurt, and it was almost like a cell absorbing something new, it just moved out of the way for the soul (and that’s what it was in the dream) to make it’s way into my body.  It was rainbow colored and sparkly, and just this powerful stream of color and light, and once in my head, it was like I could feel it and could also see from the side, the soul pouring into my body and pooling up in my belly.  The best way to describe it, is to think of those medicine ads, where they show a black silhouette of a Human, and they drink the cough syrup or take the pill, and some bright color coats the throat or goes into the belly and coats the belly.

It was very. very. very. strange.  And, I’m sure you know what this does to the Hope-Meter.

This morning I woke up, feverish and chilled, and took a shower thinking I could steam myself awake, but my eyes were throbbing and I just couldn’t do it, so I called in.  It’s the first unexpected call-in for me, but it was easy enough to email plans for my single period math class, and I’m glad it happened on a Monday. I feel much better now, after sleeping on and off throughout the day.  Tonight’s weather is looking crummy; snow turning to mix turning to rain, but going through the morning, when the bus company decides whether or not we have school.  It’s been five days so far, how funny if it ended up being six. I will have forgotten how to do my job!  As it is, I only have three (if we have school) academic days to plan for, 2 if tomorrow is called.  And then, vacation! Ha!

So, sewing room being completed (Oh, I didn’t mention that yet, but it is done and now an official sewing room) and trippy dream are my first two non-physiological Signs of this cycle. I figure I can’t even consider physical signs until at least next Monday, and testing until next Friday.  Just preparing you for your own version of the 2WW, is in 2 Weeks of Waiting for her to stop freaking out about Signs, already! 🙂

So, here’s the thing.  I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’m feeling really hopeful this month.

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Oh, this site is so, so addictive.  You can visually see the popularity shifts in names, and it layers the various spellings to get a truer picture than most lists.  Type in the first letters and it shifts as you type, so if you want a "B" name or whatever, it lists all possibilities.  I’m going to add it to the Babyopedia (link at right).

(FYI, on my iBook, I had to use IE to view it; Firefox & Mozilla wouldn’t play nice.)

I updated the Babyopedia, in the right column over there.  And I also updated my Wordy list, because, really, I don’t only read pregnancy/baby/motherhood stuff.  I read A LOT of books, at all times I have a few going, and Big Pink Fucking Books are just a new genre for me.  In addition to the books I’m reading under Wordy, I have a few more that I can’t wait to start, that have NOTHING to do with babies. I promise.